A few times when I was in school my teachers would have me write down my goals for the year at the start of the semester. When I was in elementary school it was suck up things like “Get everything right on my tests.” I succeeded. In junior high they were more sarcastic like “Don’t be stupid” or “get a boyfriend.” Again, success. In high school when I took the PSATs I wrote on my answer booklet (which I would get back after I got the results of my test a few months later) “If you don’t get National Merit honors, you might as well kill yourself.” And I’m alive, so, again, success!
I’m good at setting goals, as you can see. So, AS ALWAYS, I’m here to help tUMD players set some achievable goals for the season! Let’s go!
Take only good penalties. I know you can’t resist, but please, either 1. prevent goals or 2. emasculate opponents when you take penalties. Make them useful!
Play in some games! Maybe just a couple. I would totally cheer so hard for you. Biddco would be overcome with glee.
Get a goal EARLY. I mean, I know you’re going to score a goal this season, many goals in fact, but get one the first game and get it over with. Then destroy all opponents.
Make PBHjT a HUGE success by getting a shutout, or at the very LEAST, a win. No more of this tying LSSU to start the season. I WANT A WIN.
Do what MacGregor Sharp did last year. You’re talented. You’re going to be on a great line, I’m pretty sure. And this is what’s known as a “contract year.” So have on. Beersong thinks you will.
End your exceptionally long pointless streak. And try not to look so sulky all the time.
Shoot the puck so hard it goes through the back of the net. Like Mike Eaves thought Tom Gorowsky did when Stalock fell down in that UW game. But Goro had just missed.
Mighty Midgets (Jacky, MCON, Wade Bergman, Huttel)
Play (as you three veterans always do) like you’re 10 feet tall and bullet proof. Jordan Baker told me it was great to be short. And he’s shorter than all of you!
Check someone so hard they fall into their own bench.
The rest of you? Uhhh… just do your best. Or even better. If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything*.
*That’s good advice, Marty.