There Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked
Ok, yes, I didn’t write anything about those, ahem, “hockey” games we saw last week. Like about how there are a few Gopher players who should have stuck to football. Moped Boy and Iowa Boy can bite me.
Really, the best play of the weekend? This siiiiick goal from Mr. Caleb Herbert:
Paging Mr. Marshall: your jock strap can be found at guest services.
Anyway, not to worry, we’ll never see the Gophers at AMSoil Arena again unless they’re lost. I’m disappointed too, because they’ve showed their commitment to mediocrity by extending the Hedgehog’s contract.
So, Friday night. I arrive at the arena. I’m talking to Jupiter. Then Mrs. Ciskie interjected that Mike Curry was standing about 10 yards away.
Yes. MIKE CURRY.
Ok, first of all, no I am not his stalker lady, that was someone else. Second of all, we have never met, and he was one of my favorite Bulldogs, and I thought I’d never get the chance to just say hi. I mean, it’s not like it’s the end of the world, but still. So I went over and said hello. WHILE WEARING HIS GAME WORN JERSEY. BECAUSE I AM AN IDIOT. But, whatever, he was really nice, and I was really awkward, as you may expect. So, ok, checking that off my list. Whee!
Saturday we had our GPL-tPB skate at the arena. I lived, which was good. I’m still absolutely terrible at hockey with pretty much no hope of improvement. Certain message board proprietors might have been exceptionally hung over. Robby the Inchworm played again. We were teammates. He seemed disappointed in our lack of defence. As if we were paid professionals or something. Also I invited my friend Joe to play and he was about 1000 times better than almost everyone else, and on the opposing team. I need to align myself with the winning side next time. Or perhaps we lost because of me. I did pass the puck right to Heiz, who was on the other team, and scored. Also I assisted on a breakaway goal for DHG. The benefit of a slow line change on our team! And I had a collision with a member of the opposition who had the puck. I got completely rocked. So on my way back to the bench I said “Well did I at least take him out of the play?” And I did, so really it’s a win for me.
So Sunday we found the world still turning and fortunately Jack Connolly’s head is still attached to his body. I know I predicted he’d score 5 goals, but it’s really hard to score 5 goals when a guy is hooked, held, tackled, elbowed, and otherwise abused… and also when his linemate likes to shoot first and ask questions later. So, we’ll have to have the JCON 5 goal explodaganza another weekend. Like… against Providence?
I’ll have more on the Providence series later on.