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What’s New Pussycats?

7 February 2014

Whoa whoa whoa whoa.

What in the wide world of sports is this?

We LOST to these guys. They have THREE WINS, and they produced this monstrosity, and they are murdering our pairwise worse than they are murdering this song, which is terrible and came out well before any of these guys (Scott “Ron Jeremy” Owens notwithstanding) were even zygotes. Besides, Corey Hart plays for the Mariners now. He’s moved on, we’ve all moved on, THOSE SUNGLASSES ARE REALLY STUPID.

Speaking of Scott Owens, who would have ever guessed he’d outlast ol’ Gwoz? It seems like CC must be satisfied with mediocrity.

Losing this weekend, really, even losing a single conference point this weekend, would be so dishonorable we’d all have to accept discommendation from the Klingon empire. Losing this weekend is so bad, RWD Army Comrade Jon threatened to write a guest post if we do. That must be one heck of a horrible guest post roiling inside his brain.

We Can’t Stop

3 February 2014

tUMD 5, Barbaros 2/tUMD 3, Barbaros 1

Hello everyone, this is my first official post actually written on tUMD’s campus. Very fancy, no? Or something. I am in the Ven Den right now, and if you have attended tUMD at any time in the last half century, I promise you it is exactly the same except for fancier vending machines. Also, the same geodes are still on display in Heller Hall.

Also after laughing hysterically about the Glue Factory post, I have decided that WMU will be called the Barbaros from here on out. I don’t care if no one else laughed about the horse videos, I did.

We have two orders of business to take care of before we talk about the games. First, we have a new victory song, courtesy of comrades-in-arms Dan and Biddco.

It’s a bit lower tempo than our previous victory songs (Party in the USA, Tik Tok, etc), but it’s very appropriate.

Also, this occurred:

DaBugz11 is Farley’s twitter, if you didn’t know.
So that chapter is closed. Although that’s a really weird hashtag.

HUGE weekend for tDogs. Way to put those ponies out to pasture! I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, because haven’t I been saying all along we have tons of talent and just need it to come together? I am seriously always right. It’s just amazing. Except for that small error I made in the last post. Never mind.

How did this team get so deep that our third line is Iafallo-Toninato-Krause? And that’s without Austin Farley in the lineup! I mean, seriously, I blinked, and this team became almost as loaded at forward as our national championship team. This is very exciting. All of a sudden everyone wants to talk about the Bulldogs. It’s a lovely thing, although it’s also nice to fly under the radar.

tUMD has 3 out of 4 NCHC awards this week (and probably could have had a fourth, except I assume the conference didn’t want to let us sweep the awards), which… means nothing, but that’s great. Congrats to Willie Corrin for his first multiple point game and his first conference award, and to Austyn Young, getting his first goal. If I was the UND SID, I’d be spamming the crap out of everyone’s Twitter feed with statistics about how tUMD is 800-72-1 with guys named Austi(y)n in the lineup. Since I am not, let me take a moment first to rejoice that I am not, and then continue.

I can’t even really be too sad about the PP being sort of not great, because of course we’re missing a key PP guy in Farley. It’s like complaining about the Wild PP when Parise, Spurgeon, and Koivu were all down. Wait, people did that? Must have been Gopher/Wild hybrid fans. Life for all of us would probably also be a lot better if Caleb Herbert stopped taking penalties, but he did still have three points on the weekend.

CC is coming to town this weekend, and we absolutely, positively, must take care of business against them because they are a PWR killer right now. And the PWR is now relevant to us. So we have to care. Also, the students are back in the house and it had better be rockin’, or I am going to have to burn down the school.

Winds of Change

1 February 2014

tUMD 5, Bemidji 3/tUMD 2, Bemidji 1

So, I never wrote about the games in Wisconsin last weekend because I was just too sad about them. I mean, I know Alex Rigsby was back from her injury and I know we couldn’t fill 4 lines or 3 D-pairings, but it’s still hard to see this talented team score only a single goal on the weekend. What is there to write about?

This weekend there’s plenty to write about, with a big sweepity sweep sweep sweep in Bemidji! Six BIG points get us essentially to home ice, although if we lost all our remaining games and tOhio State got 17 of 18 points available, we’d get edged out by them. I think. (tUMD’s website says we’ve clinched home ice, but if that’s the case, I’m missing something. Edit: tUMD issued a correction. We need one win or one tOSU loss.) That’s not going to happen, of course.

On Friday, tDogs went up 3-0 but had to hang on as the game got as close as 4-3 before Meghan Huertas scored on the empty net for her second goal of the night. Ashleigh Brykaliuk (I can type that without checking it first!) also had two goals, including a shorty, and Jenna McParland had a power play goal. I think we’re going to see this type of a pattern from here on out, with the Dogs jumping out to early leads and digging down deep to hang on as the short bench wears them down.

Tonight, tUMD had another goal from Ashleigh Brykaliuk (she is really killing it lately!) and then Zoe Hickel had a goal disallowed for some stupid BS reason, but she got another one on the PP. Bemidji finally got on the board, ending the Blackout (Dan’s term for a Kayla Black shutout, which is genius) with the extra attacker. Apparently the Beavers almost scored another goal as time expired but that’s according to Jack Hittinger, Bemidji’s beat writer.

I really hope tDogs can finish strong and make a good showing at the WCHA tournament. I know there’s no auto-bid (I am stupid, of course there’s an auto-bid, thank you Megan!) and the PWR doesn’t move that much, but there’s so much talent on this team and so much hope for the years to come, I’m staying positive!

Insult To Injury

1 February 2014

As we discussed in my previous post, I love being right. So, while never actually having been wrong myself, I can understand why a person might be reticent to admit s/he was wrong. Enter The Chorske.

Yesterday I posted a bunch of screen shots from his Twitter account (he styles himself as HockeyLogic, which secretes a rank odor of irony), but there’s more! Since Farley didn’t play tonight (we’ll discuss the game later, pointing out the incompetence of, well, anyone is much more entertaining for me), naturally I thought (as did another like-minded fellow) our dear chairwarmer would like to know, and would like the chance to reach out to Farley and the team and make amends, as a mature, professional adult would.

Does this sound like a mature adult? (Him, not me, obvs, because we already know I am not.)






Okay, yes, it was mean of me to kick him while he was down with the grammar situation, but hey, it’s not as bad as being taunted by an alleged professional broadcaster after suffering a head injury.


I edited this tweet slightly because it could be interpreted in a way I did not intend, but it’s still up on my Twitter feed in its entirety. But come on. If you believe an unqualified, biased peon like me knows the score and he doesn’t, well, I have a lift bridge to sell you.

More on this story as it develops, unless my interest wanes.

The Glue Factory

31 January 2014

No, not Andy Warhol’s studio. No, not the gallery in Minneapolis. The glue factory is where we’ll be sending Andy Murray and his hapless little ponies after this weekend.

In honor of the failure we shall see from the geldings this weekend, I bring you some great moments in horse failure.



30 January 2014

Don Lucia doesn’t believe this warrants a major penalty.

Look, Hedgey. You dreamed up this sham of a tournament. You hosted it. With your own referees. Even after all of that, your player still got a major penalty. Perhaps, just perhaps, MAYBE, I don’t know… he deserved it?

It’s really sad Marshall is facing a suspension. Very sad. It really shows no matter how much lip service is paid to concussion prevention and player safety, that’s all it is to coaches and players. Hitting a defenseless player, without the puck, in the head, is somehow not worthy of a penalty? And repeated game misconducts, showing a player hasn’t learned from his past actions, is something to appeal?

Of course, it’s not just the players and coaches who have no respect for player safety. It’s also the fans. Note this Facebook comment from UND Superfan Brad Schlossman:

And the “media.” And by “media” I mean former benchwarmers who are now broadcast booth chairwarmers:




Maybe Lucia didn’t want to appeal the suspension until Chorske begged him? All the mucous-drenched sobbing and whining probably made Hedgey uncomfortable. Wait, what am I saying? If that was the case, Rau wouldn’t be around.

A Farce in Three Acts

28 January 2014

tUMD 5, Frostbit Cows 4 (OT)/tUMD 4, Retrognathic Rodents 4 (RRs win in SO)

I love being right.

You might think it gets old, always being right, never making mistakes, but it doesn’t. I glow from within every time an opinion or a hunch is validated. It’s a mixture of smug self-satisfaction and serotonin.

I questioned the value of this “tournament” from the beginning. It is, as Biddco called it earlier this week, a glorified two-for-one. Meaning the Goofs got exactly what they always wanted. Lipstick on a pig, wolf in sheep’s closing, selling an outhouse and telling Dr. Phil it’s the Taj Mahal, it all boils down to the same thing: filling the coffers of the UMTC athletic department. Lining the pockets of a team against whom we recruit.

I think tUMD should pull out of this tournament, unless I see actual financial documents showing the revenue, expenses, and the proportion of revenue (total, not just ticket sales) distributed to each school, that prove tUMD is getting its fair share and is making a significant profit over a home game. I simply cannot take it on faith that it is worthwhile. Some folks within Bulldog Nation need to be disabused of the notion there is some sort of intangible value derived from “playing the Gophers.”

I asked Bruce Ciskie if he thought this tournament was good for our school, and he said it’s “exposure.” I’m not sure watching three periods plus an overtime with an analyst who is both openly cheering for the Goofies and openly mocking our team is the kind of exposure that would benefit our team. I’ll tell you what is good exposure for tUMD: a national championship and alumni in the NHL. Not listening to some washed-up glorified NHL benchwarmer sob into his ratty old Goldy Gopher stuffie because he didn’t feel like a dangerous hit on a defenseless player without the puck should go unpenalized, because OMGGOPHERSNUMBERONE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where’s the benefit to tUMD in that?

The Dodge Holiday Classic Sequel can go on without tUMD. We can continue to sell out our arena for our NCHC opponents and our various non-conference opponents alike, and maybe throw our little brothers to the south a bone every once in awhile and let them run with the big dogs.


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