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Bull Dogham

13 November 2014


Party Like It’s 1999

11 November 2014

tUMD 3, Meth Heads 2 (OT)/tUMD 3, Meth Heads 1
tUMD women off, stupid Canada wins Four Nations Cup

With a sweep of St. Cloud all things are possible.

If tUMD can sweep in St. Cloud, they can surely win a national championship.
If tUMD can sweep in St. Cloud, I can surely get a good grade on this project I’m avoiding by writing this post.
If tUMD can sweep in St. Cloud, Lockheed Martin can surely make a commercially viable fusion reactor.
If tUMD can sweep in St. Cloud, we can precisely know the position and momentum of a particle simultaneously.
If tUMD can sweep in St. Cloud, Israelis and Palestinians can live in peace with a mutually agreeable solution.

I would post a YouTube video of 1999 but Prince is kind of a nutjob about letting people listen to his music for free. 1999 was the last time tUMD swept in St. Cloud. It makes no sense. Fortunately, there’s no Finnish translation for “tUMD is cursed in St. Cloud,” so Kas didn’t even know about the hex and blithely went about his business, making save after save, helped out a bit by the butt of Karson Kuhlman (making Saturday’s game perhaps the first game ever where a butt both scored a goal and saved a goal for tUMD), and we sweep sweep sweepity swept those Huskies!

Shouldn’t a sweep in hockey be called a “shovel?” Or something similarly winterrific?

Also remember when it was actually 1999 and we panicked over Y2K? Well, I didn’t panic, I was 17 and spent New Year’s Eve watching Labyrinth with 2 of my friends.

tDogs’s effort out of the gate on Friday night only proved there’s absolutely no reason they’ve been terrible on other Fridays, with the exception of maybe the first weekend when they were still trying to remember how to play hockey after the long layoff. They’ve been capable of playing at that level for weeks now and I don’t know why they hadn’t been. But no more! We shall be treated to sweep after sweep now that the guys have it figured out. Granted, they didn’t sustain the Friday effort for the whole game and let SCCC back in the game, but, baby steps. Also, I would like to point out that even that level of effort would have won them every other Friday game they’ve played this year.

Perhaps tDogs have discovered the true meaning of #KrauseStrong?


5 November 2014

We have to talk about this, I suppose.


Naturally this past weekend had some, ahem, ups and downs. Ups like Biddy visiting and going on a hike with me, and also have dinner with Ben and my uncle who is now living in the woods like the Unabomber. I dressed up as Gene Simmons for Halloween again, so that was also good.

What’s not good is this whole splitting nonsense. I mean, I get that we may have gotten completely hosed in every way possible a little bit on a few Friday night games, but we’ve also been completely non-hosed in any conceivable manner for other games. It makes no sense. For example, in the Mankato State game, tUMD got jobbed in overtime by a dive that had several soccer coaches calling up the little punk who did it. That could have been avoided by not spotting Mankato a large lead and requiring overtime at all. Or getting jobbed last weekend by another such dive; it’s understanding Miami would be good at diving considering they have a world-renowned actor for a coach. They are masters of the Stanislavsky technique; I was impressed by their ability to stay in character the whole game. If tUMD had scored some goals, Miami’s Broadway-caliber embellishment wouldn’t have factored into the game.


I suppose the answer is you’re likely to lose most games where saves like that are required.

I guess the lesson here is score a metric ton (tonne?) of goals and then there’s not much the refs can do to take over the game. This is good advice, people. I am here to help.

These splits are such a problem because tUMD’s schedule is not going to let up anytime soon. Winnable games cannot slip through our fingers, or else tDogs find themselves in a position where difficult games are basically must-win games. For example, now tUMD is faced with trying to break its Friday slumps against St. Cloud IN that horrible city or, barring some kind of discontinuity in the universe that allows tUMD to win on a Friday night in Methville, MN, against UMTC in their stupid building. Nice position to be in. After that tUMD plays UNO and it’s Top Shelf To Food Shelf weekend and we know the goals will be pouring in to help charity.

How about a nice sweepity sweep in St. Cloud, men? The women have managed two in a row, you know.


25 October 2014

In the past seven days, tUMD Athletics has retired the number 14 in two different sports, for two vastly different reasons.

Last night at the first intermission, UMD men’s hockey celebrated former player, Hobey Baker winner, and current men’s hockey staff member Bill Watson. In front of his family, his work family, and his Bulldog family, Watson gave a speech and the retirement banner was unveiled. Alex Iafallo currently wears #14 and I would assume gets grandfathered in, Mariano Rivera-style.

Last weekend during homecoming, UMD softball honored the memory of Mandy Matula with a jersey retirement as well as the establishment of the 1 Four Mandy Matula Fund to support UMD softball. Mandy was killed in May 2013, allegedly by her ex-boyfriend, who later committed suicide. The circumstances of her jersey retirement are both sickening and saddening, and my heart goes out to her family, teammates, and friends.

I hope all you RWD readers, as you celebrate a Bulldog legend, will take a moment and think of Mandy. I wish I could say something else, give some kind of advice or call to action, but I really don’t know what to say. No one should be hurt by someone they loved, even after the relationship is over, and no one should hurt someone they love or once loved, even if that person doesn’t love them anymore. It seems simple and obvious to say that, but we all know in reality, it’s not.

Move Over Bob Vila!

22 October 2014

When RWD comrade, rabid Bulldog fan, and hockey mom extraordinaire Dawn tweeted her DIY hockey furniture a few weeks ago, I thought it was so cool I wanted to share it with you all. Dawn is a great lady and lifelong Bulldog fan, and you know she’s raising her son right because his dream is to lace ‘em up for tDogs. Clearly a genius kid. His peewee team scored lots of goals last year to help raise money for Top Shelf to Food Shelf, which is coming up in a few weeks!

She told me the lamp is made from a lamp kit, a hollow composite stick, and scraps of sticks from the wooden sticks she used for the bed below. Somehow she found one brand new glove, and she got the shade at Goodwill.
For the bed, she found a free headboard and upcycled it by replacing the spindles with old wooden sticks.

This is so freaking cool. There are so many broken hockey sticks in this crazy, mixed-up world, and there’s no reason for them to end up in landfills or dumps or Lake Springfield alongside Homer’s silo of pig crap.

A War of Attrition

21 October 2014

tUMD 4, Tipping Cows 5 (OT)/tUMD 6, Tipping Cows 2
tUMD 1, Racist Mascots 2 (OT)/tUMD 1, Racist Mascots 0

To get this out of the way early, I wasn’t able to follow the women’s games this weekend, other than via text updates from my friend and via Twitter. Here is the game commentary I got:

B: Only my wife would glare at a Duluth fan for wearing Gopher colors lmfao
Me: Hahahahahahahahaah
B: “Why are you glaring at that lady in the wheelchair?” “She’s wearing Gopher colors.” “Um, that’s a Duluth sweatshirt.”
Me: We’re losing 2-0 to the cows. How are we doing in GF?
B: 0-0 beginning of two, but mostly… [wife] didn’t get me a beer so I had to go back to the lobby, get cash, and buy my own.
Me: That’s mean!
B: #lifeishard
B: Oh good god-you just scored and it was the [poopiest] hockey goal I have ever seen.
Me: Hahahahahahha
B: Our goalie tried to beat your forward to the puck and it didn’t happen, so she was lying on the ice halfway to the blue line and you scored on the empty net lmfao
Me: Sounds like when Stalock was here.
(the next day)
Me: Split!
B: I’m at a funeral.

So, there’s my coverage of the weekend, women’s hockey-wise. So glad I can count on my vast network of arena reporters to pick me up when I’m not able to cover the games.

Friday night I went to the men’s home opener. The new video is pretty legit but I do miss tDogs coming out to “Can’t Hold Us.” The student section was full, and they did… ok. They started out loud, but the first period and a half was an absolute black hole of terribleness that defied the laws of thermodynamics and destroyed the energy in the arena. Other than Dominato’s shorthanded goal during Osterberg’s major, there was nothing to get excited about. Once it was 4-1, all hope was lost… but then subsequently located after Carson Soucy and Alex #IAFALTO scored within two minutes of each other to put the Dogs within one. The Dogs dominated the end of the period (despite a “goaltender interference” penalty after scoring… was Dom interfering with Williams’s pouting?) and I wished it could have lasted a bit longer. The third period had us all on pins and needles and then Karson Kuhlman tied the game up with some fancy moves, making it THE FIRST TIME IN BULLDOG HISTORY two people named C(K)arson scored in the same game. tDogs lost after taking a QUESTIONABLE penalty in OT and then failing to play any semblance of defence on the PK.

Saturday I had planned to go to Mankato with Biddy, but I woke up not feeling it. Mostly I woke up feeling rather panicked about getting my homework done, getting enough hours in at work, and getting enough sleep while I was out of town, and I called an audible and decided to stay in Duluth for the night. I watched the game on TV and the Dogs came out flat and let in the first goal and sucked on the power play and all that, and then just blew Mankato’s doors off in the third period. tUMD had three SHG this past weekend, two from Dominato alone, and left the cows looking like… well, cows. I mean, have you ever seen a cow? They look really dumb. There you go.

Sunday I went down to tX to see Pearl Jam with Biddy, which was fun. I saw one of my longest-running friends, Brian, and also this other Brian. The show was the second greatest experience I’ve had in that building. Almost as good as tDogs winning the National Championship. And you all know how amazing that was, so you can imagine how I felt.

Speaking of Imagine,


15 October 2014

tUMD 3, Rodents 4/tUMD 3, Racist Mascots 0
tUMD 0, Rodents 3/tUMD 4, Rodents 3 (SO)

Remember when I panicked about goaltending? It was last week. Perhaps I overreacted. A little.

I didn’t see Friday afternoon’s men’s game, but I did feel like barfing when I saw via Twitter the score was 3-0. Most people seemed to feel satisfied with the 4-3 “moral victory” almost-comeback, but I’m not thrilled. I don’t want the Rodents to win any game, ever. Even against other enemies such as UND or St, Cloooud, I just hope for an 0-0 tie where everyone tears their ACLs and/or gets suspended for general goonery. So, I’m going to be disappointed and that’s that.

Sunday I watched and enjoyed the game. I guess the Potato Farmers/Racist Mascots are bad now or something. Undisciplined at least. They seemed to enjoy negating their own PPs. I enjoyed it as well. It was nice of My9 to stream the game for us; one of the benefits of living in a small town, I suppose. Dominato dominated both games, McNeely earned a shut-out, and the weekend was salvaged.

I went to both women’s games this weekend. Friday I was late, as usual, but unlike the previous Friday, we actually had shots on goal. Yay!!! Unfortunately, no goals actually happened and those pesky rats walked away with a shutout. Saturday, I was late again, but only by a few minutes. Shortly after my arrival, tUMD took the lead after a goal by Emma Stauber. In the second period, Jenna McParland made it 2-0 on a delayed PP (which, let’s discuss, I don’t like the rule that if you score on a delayed PP, you do not get an offensive zone face-off), and tDogs almost made it to the end of the second with the shutout, but the vermin scored. tDogs got a PP early in the 3rd and Michelle Lowenhielm cashed in, but the Goofs made it 3-2 halfway through the period, and then a knucklepuck got by Black to tie the game. tDogs withstood a *cough*convenient*cough* Goofer PP to end the 3rd and start overtime, and made it to the shootout, which UMD won in 4 rounds, with goals from Meghan Huertas and Katerina Mrazova.

I would like to point out I spelled Lowenhielm and Mrazova from memory. Applauding myself over here.

This weekend the women are on the road to the vast wasteland to the west (wester than Buttmidji), and the men have a home/away series with the Purple Cows.

Now I would like to point out that I would rather write a boring and tardy blog post than study, but I can’t think of anything else to say, so I guess it’s back to the grind. See you all at the games this weekend!


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