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>Save The Children

31 December 2006

>You know, comrades, this whole blog is about helping people. I’m not in this for fame, glory, or money. Obvs. I would have thrown in the towel A LONG FREAKING TIME AGO if that were the case. So I was recently made aware of a situation in which I can use my blogging powers for good, rather than evil. I’m sure it’ll be a refreshing change, but enjoy it while it lasts…

Imagine you are a child. Like, this one, perhaps.

Now imagine you grow up, play hockey, and leave your home for a better life in America.

Now imagine your father replaces you with another child.

And then imagine the child looks like this:

And then imagine your father spends all his (Canadian) money on fuzzy dice and turtle wax and “I Brake For Pelicans” bumper stickers and other crap, so you’re desperate for money.

And then your dad pimps you out to a baby picture contest for a mere pittance.

Please, comrades, you can help Logan Gorsalitz by voting for him in the Hockey Baby Picture Contest. (Although, evidently you must live in Duluth…)

(Seriously, if you pay to vote [for anyone, really, although I guess I’m officially endorsing Logan], your money will go to St. Mary’s Children’s Hospice. Just like the teddy bears you threw. Gors gets a gift card if he wins, of course, but WE ARE ALL WINNERS when we help people.)

And then, since the Bulldogs had a REAL victory (to go along with the MORAL victory from the baby picture contest), we have:

Points Until We Surpass Last Year’s Total: 20 (non-conference! But we’ll take what we can get!)
Wins Until We Surpass Last Year’s Total: 9

My “Guys” Competition:
Matt Niskanen: 19!
Mike Curry: 10
Michael Gergen: 9!
Matt McKnight: 3! (BACK IN ACTION, BABY!!!!!!!!)
Jason Garrison: 2

Freshmen Competition:
Akins: 9!
Fulton: 6
Detroit Wheels: 3
Stalock: 3
Gorsalitz: 2 (Hopefully he will get more than 2 votes in the baby contest.)
Palm: 1

Sweet. Now all competitors have points! Game on!

5 Comments leave one →
  1. 31 December 2006 10:21 am

    >Too friggin funny for words. Mostly because I’m sure Logan now is about 3 bricks over a full load of humiliation right now.

  2. 31 December 2006 5:50 pm

    >Keep workin that mojo rwd, the kid is deperate for cash and that $20.00 gift certificate might keep him stocked up in Kraft dinner and campbells soup till the next care package arrives. ….. you are too funny!

  3. 31 December 2006 5:52 pm

    >psI am surprised the kid hasnt come on here and said that the title should be Save my dignity

  4. 31 December 2006 9:32 pm

    >You mean you didn’t send him back with a big box of food and stuff?Or doesn’t he like Canadian food anymore? French Fries with gravy, yeesh.

  5. 8 January 2007 5:15 pm

    >And can you believe that the kid turns 21 tomorrow (dont forget to vote) it seems like just yesterday he was a babe in swaddling clothes (dont forget to vote) I guess this makes him legal everywhere now (dont forget to vote) If you get a chance wish the kid a happy bday for me will ya. (dont forget to vote,……. for my kid of course,… cant afford to get him a birthday gift as my bill for the auto detailing supplies just came in.) He NEEDS that certificate!


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