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>Going Postal

17 September 2008

>

I’m not going to lie to you people. I never do, unless it’s obvious, like when I’m saying the entire team doesn’t have a restraining order against me, or I’m pleased with our performance last season.

Anyway, I’m not going to lie to you. I’m not exactly sober. My softball team won the fall league and went UNDEFEATED and we beat this team that brought in a RINGER who pitched too fast and hit 2 homeruns that accounted for 6 of their 9 runs and WE WON 10-9 IN THE BOTTOM OF THE SIXTH. HOORAY. And I tagged a girl (well, mature woman) out at home and made a surprising catch in right field. So, beers were needed. On a school night. But, I’m a grown up.

Chris from WCH recently pretended that he had fan mail, and so I would like to rip off his post call attention to my legions of fans that email me at RWD.

I know that the sun never sets on the RWD empire, which is why I’m always getting email from Anglo-Saxons like “Justin Morris Douglas” and Middle Easterners like “Jubril Hassan” and “Abubarkar Uswan.” Hello, folks. So glad you felt the need to drop me a line, and I certainly will respond to your “PLEASE URGENT REPLY” as soon as possible. And all these CONFIDENTIAL emails keep popping up in my box, which I’m assuming contain scouting reports on the new freshmen and phone numbers and addresses for all the players. I’m assuming some of you are secretaries for the interested parties, as you are often sending me email “from the desk of Ibrahim Alpha” or “from Dr. Mustafa Bello.” Dr. Bello, are you reporting an injury to one of My Guys? Distressing. Also, Dr. Abraham Kwesi, about that “Transfer of Funds” you’re requesting, I’ll have to look up my exact bank account number and get back to you. I think what’s most exciting is how many prizes I’ve racked up. The UK Claims Requirements department, I assume part of the British government, has declared me the 2008 Winner!!! which seems a little premature, as what if someone else outperforms me in the coming months? We’re only 2/3 of the way through the year! I also won some online promo, PLUS the Irish National Lottery AND the Lotteria Naccional Lottery, the origin of which remains uncertain at this time. I can quit my job!!! Take THAT, Mr. Spacely!

Anyway, I know your sides are aching from laughter at this point, but trust me, once I start writing about the team, you’ll be begging for mercy. Because of the hysterics you’ll be in.
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One Comment leave one →
  1. 18 September 2008 2:06 am

    >Right field and catcher? You must run very fast.

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