>The Gauntlet: NewsRadio Edition
In honor of that, I give you this.
Excellent. Now, commencez!
RWD: So, how did you get hooked up with Donald?
JJ: I got hooked up with Donald when he asked for help on the blog. I’ve been wanting to write for a while and contribute so I decided to help.
RWD: Did you know Donald previously?
JJ: Yeah, Anchorage is a somewhat small place; most of the USCHO posters from Anchorage know each other and hang out.
RWD: You… hang out with Donald? [That, my friends, is the whole Interwebs gasping in shock.]
JJ: At games and such, not at other places, I made that mistake once. [!!!]
RWD: Oh? [ORLY] Do tell.
JJ: I don’t remember much, alcohol was involved, and I got dragged to a place I would rather not have gone. [A Seawolves game?]
RWD: Aha! I think I know where! What directives did he give about your contributions to the site?
JJ: Find my own niche. Figure out what I’d want to write about and go with it.
RWD: Does he stand over you with a whip and beat you every time you make a typo?
JJ: No but then again I use spell check like lazy college kid, mostly because I was one. [Lazy college kids, spell check doesn’t catch everything! That’s why it takes so long to edit these Gauntlets.]
RWD: How did you become a UAA fan?
JJ: My parents and grandparents have been fans since the beginning of the program. My grandfather was a booster club president. So I’ve been going to games literally since I was born. I’ve seen way too many games [not possible] and some really good players.
RWD: Yeah I suppose the visiting teams had some stars.
JJ: yeah, Reinprecht and Heatley are the most vivid memories. [So if I had to list 2 exceptional players I had seen in the WCHA, these two are not the first two to come to mind. Odd.]
RWD: Those are the best players you’ve seen?
JJ: No, not by a mile.
RWD: I see. [Then… why say them?]
JJ: Heatley maybe in the top 10.
RWD: Was he playing hockey when you saw him, or crashing into a brick wall?
JJ: both lol [Simultaneously or separately?]
RWD: Is your child a UAA fan?
JJ: Yes, very much so. She loves watching them.
RWD: Isn’t that child abuse?
JJ: No. [Yes.]
RWD: Torturing the poor girl with season after season of losses?
JJ: You get used to it a little bit; there’s always hope though.
RWD: There is? Even this season?
JJ: Yes. [No.]
RWD: Locate this hope. Say, latitude and longitude.
JJ: 61° 10′ N, 150° 1′ W. [These are Anchorage’s coordinates. I don’t think there’s any hope there.]
RWD: I see. So who are some of your favorite UAA players, past and present?
JJ: Past would be Peluso, Clark, Glencross, Cygan, and Krake. Present would be Grant, Wiles and Gunderson. Gunderson was hilarious.
RWD: In what way? [In his goaltending attempts?]
JJ: Funny to talk with. [Funny like a clown? Did he amuse you?]
RWD: What about your second favorite WCHA team? What team is that?
JJ: Tech. Nice people I’ve met from there. A little nerdy but so am I. [It’s like talking to Yoda. What the hell?]
RWD: What about Twitch Boy? Now that he’s in Alaska, have you seen him? Or at least his hotdog hat?
JJ: Yes I have but I haven’t seen the hotdog hat. I was disappointed.
RWD: Have you turned him into a UAA fan yet?
JJ: Not yet, I’ll work at it, I mean it’s not like he’s a fan of a winning team either.
RWD: This year! [Tech is undefeated!]
JJ: 5 games in… UAA’s been unbeaten through 5 games in before.
RWD: Probably when playing UMD. [Sigh] How do you like the new jerseys?
JJ: I like them, a very classic look to them. We’ve got a unique logo [it’s no realistic bear] and nice colors [yuck!] so there’s no need to be outlandish.
RWD: Ugh, green and gold, no thank you. What about the new WCHA, do you like it?
JJ: Omaha yes, Bemidji no. [Indeed!] I also don’t like how Bemidji got gifted with the Minnesota-only schedule.
JJ: No travel to Alaska or Colorado, basically the 3 tough road trips. [Tech is brutal in the winter though.]
RWD: I see. Well, no extra games for them then.
RWD: You don’t have to pay for them to come and play you.
JJ: Eh whatever. [How Zen. Donald would be steaming.]
RWD: Donald feels very strongly about that, but you do not?
JJ: It’s part of the deal, I don’t like it much either but it’s not going away. I’d love to get rid of it but it’s not the highest priority.
RWD: Despite Donald’s letters. [Next step: mail bombs.]
RWD: Speaking of Donald, if the Seawolves and the Aces played an exhibition… would anyone care?
JJ: I dunno, it’s hard to say. I think people would care but I don’t think the result would change people’s minds. The Aces are good one thing: marketing, that’s why they do better. [I don’t understand why schools don’t have every marketing student at the school working on marketing for the teams FOR FREE.]
RWD: If I were watching on TV, no one would be visible in the stands. But that’s because, just beyond the camera, true fans are packed into the “better” seats, right?
JJ: Correct, the Sullivan has high glass that makes the game unwatchable from iceside [what?] seats. There is truth to that.
RWD: What about the rest of the statement?
JJ: Also true because the only ones to show up would be the hardcore sit in those seats. [My head just exploded.]
RWD: Would you like to rephrase that into a sentence that makes sense?
JJ: no lol, ok the better seats that aren’t visible would be full because that’s where the people who actually want to watch the game sit.
RWD: So beyond our viewpoint, the arena is standing room only. I see.
RWD: And then you get behind the scenes after the games. How does that work? Do you dress up as a janitor? Hide in the laundry cart with the dirty jockstraps?
JJ: I have a press pass, the university likes us somewhat.
RWD: You and Donald have press passes, free ticket giveaways… does anyone PAY to see UAA?
JJ: Yes, thousands. [No wonder no one pays, the tickets are so expensive! Thousands?]
RWD: I see.
JJ: Well apparently not. [Touché]
RWD: I haven’t been able to tell from your videos, who is the hottest Seawolf?
JJ: Secure in my masculinity, I would say Grant.
RWD: What? He looks like Jar Jar Binks.
JJ: Eyes girl, the eyes. [He’s been hypnotized or something.]
RWD: …are googly.
RWD: Hm, I see he has longish hair. What about you, still mohawkin’ it?
JJ: Yes ma’am.
JJ: Damn right.
RWD: Let’s talk about this weekend.
JJ: Ok shoot.
RWD: How can the Seawolves win this weekend? [Trick question! They cannot!]
JJ: Playing tough defence, keeping the goal scoring, great goaltending.
RWD: Keeping the goal scoring? [The goal does not score itself. Silly Seawolves are confused!]
JJ: 3 goals at least in every game, that’s not bad, that can win you games. [Not if we get 9.]
RWD: And how can they lose this weekend?
JJ: Playing bad defence like last weekend, goal scoring going away.
RWD: Is Shyiak a good coach?
JJ: Yes, I had doubts, especially last season, but you can see with this group that they are responding well to his coaching. I was harsh on him and I was wrong.
RWD: PEOPLE! A MAN JUST ADMITTED WRONGNESS. FIRST TIME EVER. Do you miss John Hill?
JJ: No, [fornicate] him.
RWD: I… would prefer not. [Horrific.]
JJ: Good for you lol.
RWD: Do you think he gets more bloated every year?
JJ: Possibly, maybe he sees himself getting the job at Minny with every crap year Lucia has. [Maybe he sees Leprechauns that tell him to burn down the rink.]
RWD: Do you read Justin Bourne’s articles on Puck Daddy?
JJ: Yes, I read his blog as well.
RWD: I have no follow up questions. I just enjoy reading his perspectives as a former pro player.
JJ: They are interesting, it’s something you really get to see written about.
RWD: Do you mean rarely?
JJ: Yes sorry rarely. NO DONALD!!! [One can only assume beatings commenced.]
RWD: Terrifying. What about a weekend prediction to wrap things up?
JJ: Split, Bulldogs win Friday [yes] and UAA wins on Saturday [no].
JJ: 4-3 on Friday and 3-1 on Saturday.