Peanut Butter Reunion Time!
tUMD opens the season with tOSU, in a battle of the small ts. In case you didn’t know the origin of the “t” in tUMD was a parody of THE Ohio State University’s insistence on being referred to as THE Ohio State University. THE whole world thinks that is THE stupidest thing they have ever heard, but THE Ohio State University, situated in THE horrible state of Ohio, had to do something to make itself feel special.
THE Ohio State University brings along two former Bulldogs, in former assistant coach THE Steve Rohlik and former goalie THE Brady Hjelle.
I feel somewhat weird about Hjelle coming back to town with the enemy troops. First of all, we don’t want him to go all Adam Coole on us (TM Beersong). Second of all, there’s that whole PBHjT shirt thing.
Yes, the shirts. All three hundred or so of them. Collectors’ items now! It does seem a little strange that a guy could leave a school after fans made and bought t-shirts for him. I mean, how many other players can say that? (And no, Dirty’s one-off t-shirts do not count.) But that season was still an absolute blast, with the banana and Kelly Clarkson and all that. So, alas, I made t-shirts (and a Christmas post) for a guy who quit the team. It’s not too tragic. I also ruined my hair bleaching it for the Frozen Four and that worked out nicely. Except it’s still a little jacked up.
tOSU started off really hot last year and then completely tanked and won only one game in 2012. I know I can rely on the Bulldogs to ensure that remains true. (Exhibition games do not count.) End scouting report.
tOSU also employs two of the most terrifying figures in all of college sports, and possibly all of everything:
Brutus Buckeye, seen here being sexually assaulted by some sort of lion, possibly Nittany (quelle suprise!). (Photo, Neal C. Lauron.)
Head coach Mark Osiecki, Prince of Darkness.
It should be a frightening weekend. For them.