Skip to content

Nobody Likes Denver

16 November 2018

Many people get caught up in hating the Gophers, or the Effing Hawks, or Wisconsin, but I’d like to remind you that Denver is a very unlikable team. Exhibit A.

A typical Denver post-season experience: showing up to the NCHC tournament and winning in front of… the coaching staff and athletic trainers. What a thrill!

Just how unlikable is Denver? I’ll tell you. In 2017, the day of the national championship game, Biddy, Tim, and Kleiner went to a bar to watch a footy match. A British gentleman was there watching the match as well, and noted their maroon and gold attire. When he inquired as to tUMD’s opponent in the game, upon learning it was DU, he responded thusly:

“Denver? Fook Denver.”

Except he didn’t say “fook.” He didn’t even pronounce it “fook,” that’s just Dan of the Week’s poor attempt at a British accent. A side benefit of this is that now he and I have a way to swear on Skype for Business without having our conversations flagged for inappropriate content. Anyway, if a complete stranger, from another country, who likes another sport, knows how much Denver sucks, we know it’s true.

tUMD is, of course, the reigning national champion, but a little-known fact is that Denver is the 2017 national champion. They managed to eke out this win in front of a surprisingly large (for them) contingent of fans, but I know for a fact that these fans were paid operatives of former Let’s Go DU editor in chief, DG Goddard. I believe there were more UND fans cheering for Denver because they were mad at Neal Pionk than there were Denver “fans” in attendance. They also brought their band, seen here in this recent clip:

Despite having no fans, until recently having a Secret Skinhead as a coach, and generally being abhorrent, Denver has managed to go 10000000*-0-0 against tUMD in their last 10000000* games. This is a problem. It’s a total waste for a team with no fans to win a game! If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does anyone even care if it makes a sound? NO.

So, Bulldogs, it’s time to prey on St. Cloud’s sloppy seconds for the second week in a row, and bring a big sweepity sweep with you when you return to sea level*.

*  approximation

No comments yet


Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: