>Mush! Mush!
>
>"This Is A Simple Game"
>
Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
There’s not nearly enough swearing in this video, but there is some, so if you are offended by it, then just don’t click. But it’s actually much less offensive than the way tUMD played tonight.
>Tougher In Alaska, Too
>
This time, Drew brought a friend.
Here are the Drews after they landed their chartered helicopter. Halfway through the rotors went out and they had to fly it themselves. Boy are their arms tired.
Drew takes a moment to drink in the natural beauty of Alaska, the Last Frontier, before he gets down to biznass.
Drew unloads all the gear himself. Except for the Vermont tournament.
Sandy made him take a weekend off and made someone else do it, and they screwed up.
Drew saves lives. Here he is after saving four adults, quintuplets,
a Great Dane, a hairless cat, and a player piano from a burning house.
The Drews took part of their workouts from Spiderman comics: web-slinging, hanging upside down,
and climbing tall things. Note that I am totally kicking their badonkadonks.
See, here’s Drew with some of the web-slinging equipment.
Akins taught Olson his tips and tricks for success in the Duluth Rodeo, which,
as we learned in the first Tougher in Alaska post, is roping boats offshore and hauling them into port.
Akins is demonstrating his technique for securing his quarry.
Drew saw this stupid UAF intro video and was like “Eff that noise, I can destroy Anchorage myself.”
He commandeered some heavy machinery…
And now he’s ready to ravage UAA!
“Remember kids, don’t try this at home! I’m a professional!”
Ok, Bulldogs, let’s follow the Golden Rule and do unto the Seawolves as they did unto us lastyear.
>I’m a Bee!
>
I’m a little sad today after the United States’ loss to the Canadians in the gold medal game. I was so pumped up after Parise tied the game and I really, really thought the U.S. could win it. I’m so proud to have those guys represent our country, though! They exceeded everyone’s expectations.
Oh yes, the hockey game last night. I’m sorry, I’m not feeling well. Coming down with a cold or something. Blah. No, I’m not hungover. If only.
Yesterday’s game was so lovely! I was really excited to 1. get mondo fantasy points and 2. see tUMD get a much-needed and much-deserved win to CLINCH HOME ICE FOR THE PLAYOFFS. Hjelle looked fantastic last night and came up with clutch saves when we needed them.
Let’s not talk about the game. Let’s talk about something else.
HOW I GOT MIKE SEIDEL’S GAME-WORN JERSEY.
The jerseys (which can be seen here) made the team look somewhat like bumblebees, which inspired the title. Yes, I know the song is terrible, but you better believe I was rocking out to it at the Sports Garden in my bee jersey. Also, I’m not sure why they decided to auction off the jerseys the same night they were being worn. Because, um, gross.
So, I went over before the game to put a bid on a few jerseys. Jacky’s was already up to $600 at that point and really, I am weird enough, I cannot be the weird girl who paid $625 for his jersey and then has to go retrieve it and say BY THE WAY I ALSO MAKE UP CUTESY NICKNAMES FOR YOU AND PHOTOSHOP YOUR HEAD ONTO THINGS. No, that cannot happen. Also, please, why would I spend that much on a jersey when there are cheaper ones.
So I bid on Travis Oleksuk’s and then I looked at Mike Seidel’s and saw that his dad was the current winning bidder, and I wavered a moment before reminding myself that I am a terrible and heartless person and then outbid his dad and then went to my seat.
Just before the second period I went over to the bidding tables again to make another bid. I had been outbid on Oleksuk’s and decided to go for Seidel’s, where I had also been outbid.
Thus began the longest 15 minutes of my life.
The auction ended at the puck drop, and once the intermission began, the table was swarmed. There were a few people who gave up, but most people were crowded around the table, trying to find the sheet with the jersey that they wanted to bid on, or check on their bids, or find a new jersey if they had been outbid by too much.
It was pretty hilariously ruthless. My 8-year-old friend, who was bidding on Danberg’s jersey, employed cuteness as a tactic. Some people just announced extremely high amounts they were willing to bid. I just yelled at people DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. I actually did have someone outbid me right in front of me, and then I picked up my pen (I BROUGHT MY OWN PEN) and outbid him by $50. POINT TAKEN. Fortunately that person ended up with a different jersey.
I was pretty much on the verge of passing out standing there guarding my bid. It seemed as though time was standing still, and at one point it sort of was, because The Aaaahj was looking at the scoreboard clock and it stopped moving. THAT WAS NOT COOL, SMITTY. NOT COOL. And then suddenly, miraculously, time expired, and the bidding sheets were swept away, and I WAS TRIUMPHANT. And sweating bullets from the body heat of people crowded around me. Argh.
After the game we paid for our jerseys (which took a long time because of some unpleasantness occurring in front of me) and then we got herded downstairs to some sort of reception area, which was kind of embarrassing because the players were all waiting in a line for us, and we had to pass them in the hallway and they got a good look at the psychos willing to fork over beaucoup bucks for their dirty laundry. Ha. And we all had these dorky signs like we were at the airport that said the name of our player.
Every account I heard said that the players were all very kind, very gracious and very friendly. I expected NOTHING LESS from our players and was presently surprised. I heard a lot of thank yous from the guys as I listened to the buzz in the room. Of course Mike was a very awesome guy, I know that My Guys are totally awesome peeps or else they would not be My Guys. I had him sign my jersey and asked jokingly if it was nice and sweaty for me. I was fortunate as the person next to me received a jersey that was practically dripping with perspiration. Mine was mostly dry. And also had the added bonus of keeping people away from me at the Garden because of its perfume. (Also probably because I was a weird girl in a jersey.) Rumor has it that I got my jersey for a song compared to Mike’s RoughRiders jersey, which went for almost $1700. Then I stole a Sharpie marker and left. Because I am a ninja.
>Just a Thought
>Hey guys.
I know this losing streak makes us the laughingstock of the league right now, but string some wins together starting tomorrow night, and it won’t matter that the referee threw a pick on Huttel, or Jacob Cepis stuck his leg in Hjelle’s way when he was trying to make a save on the 3rd goal, or that Don Lucia doesn’t know a one-handed shove from a body check. It won’t matter that people have taken ill-advised penalties or shot directly into the chest of a defenceman or fanned on open nets. Winning hides a multitude of sins.
By the way: killing that 5 minute penalty was glorious. OUTSTANDING job.
>The Gauntlet: Abbreviated Edition
>
Glove-slapped this week is Jupiter, the benevolent dictator at Gopher Puck Live, the premier source of arrogance on the Interwebs!
RWD: Why did you start Gopher Puck Live?
JUP: During the 2003 Frozen Four, both Matt & Kyle Baron [whoever they are] were in Buffalo and the PrideonIce website [GPL’s precursor] went down. There was nothing they could do while on the road, so I used my family website to create a temporary message board for people to use until they got POI back online. But I just decided to keep the site up and running. [Way to use their misfortune to your advantage!]
RWD: Describe GPL for the casual internet surfer.
JUP: It’s place to stay updated on Gopher Hockey and a gathering place for Gopher and college hockey fans. [GPL has a message board, blogs, news stories, and Doug Woogisms, among other things.]
RWD: What do you like the most about running the board?
JUP: The interaction with fellow fans. [How heartwarming! *gag*]
RWD: What is the worst part about running the board?
JUP: The constant monitoring of the site to make sure everything is up and running.
RWD: How did it feel to have rumors on GPL spark a statement from the University and Jordan Schroeder? [Fans may remember that after Sam Lofquist left, a power-hungry recluse who shall remain nameless hinted that another player was leaving, and mass hysteria led to the conclusion that Jordan Schroeder was the player leaving.]
JUP: It was embarrassing. But GPL is an open site, so it was only a matter of time until something like that happened.
RWD: Why do you allow shady characters with questionable journalism tactics such as Cardinal write on the site?
JUP: Well…. I have ZERO writing skills [on display right now!], so someone had to do it.
RWD: Is it true that Cardinal et al. slave away for free? Is that even legal?
JUP: Yep… but I will have to refer you to my lawyer on the legality of it. But since he gets in to the games for free, I really don’t think he minds all that much. [Jeez, big shots.]
RWD: Do you pay the moderators for their iron-fisted approach toward innocent tUMD fans? [RWD, DHG, and Beersong were recently suspended by GPL Moderator Greyeagle for our attempts to add some fun to the forum.]
JUP: There is no need to pay them. The satisfaction they get from beating on your guys [I don’t believe it ever came to physical violence, at least not in my case. But if it did, we all know that Gophers just turtle and as I’m an honorable lady, I’d have to walk away] is more than enough reward for them. The best part is the main GPL moderator, Greyeagle, went to college at UMD. [And failed out, most likely.]
RWD: You’ve played a lot of jokes with tUMD fans as you helped DHG with tPB. What are some of the pranks you’ve pulled, and which one is your favorite?
JUP: Well… we first had the sabotaged tUMD logo with Goldy Gopher making frequent appearances. I’ve done that one twice. Then last year I made the site look like it was painted with Pepto-Bismol. [It also had little kissy-lips icons] That little prank made it into the Strib Hockey Blog [so four people read about it]… DHG figured out how to fix that [even a blind squirrel finds a nut sometimes], so I pulled his admin privileges so he couldn’t do anything about it. I think he got a bit pissed. This year I went a different direction with the embedded audio file, so the Minnesota Rouser played on every single page on the message board…. It’s really hard to pick a favorite, but if I had to do it I would pick the first time I changed the logo. The first time is always the best for anything.
RWD: Why do so many Gopher fans like the Duluth road trip so much?
JUP: I don’t know about everyone else, but I like it for many reasons. For one thing it’s close to the cities, but not close enough for a home and home so we get to stay the entire weekend. [He means home/away, of course, and those are so stupid.] Having everything you want for a road trip in a few square block radius is awesome too. Hotels, restaurants and many bars are all within a short walk to the DECC. Plus, as long as you are not a jerk [and that’s a gargantuan if], the Bulldog fans are great to hangout with. Quite honestly, I really don’t care how well the Gophers perform during our trip up there. We have a great time no matter what. I can’t say that is the case for a few other WCHA locations I have visited.
RWD: How did you become a Gopher fan?
JUP: I went to Jefferson High School. When one of my favorite players (Tom Pederson) started playing for the U [He played for Miami?], I wanted to follow his career. [Jupiter = jersey chaser!] I pretty much became a Gopher fan right away.
RWD: What is your favorite moment in Gopher hockey history that you have personally witnessed?
JUP: Oh boy… I wasn’t at either of the National Championship games. [What, couldn’t get free tickets so you didn’t go?] So I would have to say the Blake Wheeler overtime winner against UND a few years back to win the Final Five.
RWD: Who are your favorite players, current and all-time?
JUP: Mike Crowley. [Who’s he? He sucks? But srsly, click the link, the song is so badass!] He was just THAT good. [Possibly because he worships Satan.] 157 points in 3 years. That is one point short of the all time record at the U for defensemen. It took current Wild coach Todd Richards 4 years for his 158 points. So the fact the Mike was one point short in only 3 years was amazing. I have yet to have seen a freshman defenceman come in and do what Mike did. [This is the end of this answer, which means he hates all current players. Understandable.]
RWD: Who is the hottest (and by this I mean MOST ATTRACTIVE) Gopher player?
JUP: Terra Rasmussen… I don’t like her bleached hair so much, but she looks fairly cute… Next time you should specify the men’s team so I don’t have an “out” for that question. However, since you asked, I find Alex Kangas’s ears deliciously sexy.*
RWD: Are you pro- or anti-Don Lucia?
JUP: No comment at this time. [Blah. What a wimp.]
RWD: Who will be the next coach of the Gophers?
JUP: If there is a new coach, I would like to see a younger guy. Maybe Scott Bell [head coach of Hamline and Gopher alumnus] or maybe Tom Ward [head coach of Shattuck-St. Mary’s, Gopher alumnus and former Gopher assistant coach]. I am not a huge Blais guy. [Thousands of UND fans just gasped in shock.]
RWD: Why does FSN allow Woog to broadcast with a blood alcohol level of .18?
JUP: Sorry… Not gonna bite on this one. It’s the “Wooger”! [LAMES!]
RWD: How do the Gophers get a win this weekend?
JUP: Luck. [Well, as long as you’ve got a game plan.]
RWD: And how do they lose?
JUP: Just like FireHelmetGuy, they have trouble scoring. It has been their Achilles’ heel all year long. If they can’t put up at least 3, they won’t win.
RWD: Score predictions?
JUP: Friday 3-2 UM[TC][WRONG], Saturday 5-1 UMD [RIGHT]
*May or may not have actually been said by Jupiter.
>Varmints
>
>North Dakota Fans Curiously Silent About Recent Hit to Head
>
In an odd turn of events, UND fans seem reticent to condemn the most recent offender, Corban Knight, for his elbow to the head of Mike Connolly. According to Kevin Pates, Connolly’s face was smashed into the glass, and he has a black eye and concussion as a result of the play. One can only assume these fans are regrouping for another attack on the league office after this vicious hit went unpenalized by WCHA officiating tandem CJ Beaurline and Pete Friesema, and will soon be calling for the suspension of Knight.
Here is the penalty. I expect UND fans to demand a suspension.
>GLORY HALLELUJAH!
>
>With Love From Me to You
>Happy Valentine’s Day, Comrades!
Runnin' With the Dogs 