>Preaching to the Choir
>tWCHA Blog states what we already knew: Duluth rocks everyone’s faces off.
>Gopher Puck Banter
>RWD’s Head LaP Watchdog over at Wild Puck Banter wrote a little ditty on why he hates the Gophers. I encourage my readers to go forth and multiply the reasons for hating those varmints.
>Conventions
>As a writer for the premier blog in college hockey, I am often invited to engagements in the college hockey world. I was a keynote drinker at the RCBF ’07, moderator for Dinner with the Legends, and now, panelist at the Minnesota Chapter of the WIB convention. The WIB convention is not, as you would expect, a Wine In Box convention (I stopped attending those in college), but is the Women in Blogging convention.
And by that, I mean Let’s Go Mavs and Win Twins (along with their personal body guards) visited me at my place of employment.
Topics of the WIB Convention included:
Hotties and How To Rate Them
Who’s Hot? Hottiewatch 07
We’re Dumb Girls Who Don’t Know Anything About Anything
Like, Oh My God
I Don’t Know What Satire Is
Jersey Chasing Techniques
You know, because that’s all we care about. Right?
We actually talked about the Twins game they had just come from, LGM’s interactions with various Mavs players, my careful avoidance of any interaction with any Bulldogs players, the inept WCHA standings predictions of the Great Unwashed USCHO posters, how LGM should go about getting a date with Donald, that weird racist diatribe that was left as a comment on both of our blogs (possible by a certain blogger I will not name), weird fans, and some other topics.
We also talked about stereotyping. It was a timely topic, as they informed me of a comment that was left on another site in response to a silly comment I made. I was excited to go home and read this comment, because there is nothing I enjoy more than seeing what people think about me. ME! The most interesting person in the world! This person was really concerned about my personal life. S/he wrote “Running with the dogs- you need to switch to women’s hockey because you blogs are as boring as women’s hockey. Great, let’s hear about the cutie report. PS- Get a date once for once and stop writing about stuff that you would expect from a high schooler.”
That’s awesome. I didn’t know anyone cared so much about me that they were concerned about my social life. I have definitely reached a new level. I’m also wondering if maybe this person wants a date with me, but doesn’t know how to ask. I’ll have to politely decline. I don’t know why anyone would be interested in an old hag who stalks barely-legal hockey players, but I’m flattered at the overture! (I should add that by writing about hotties, I am just giving the people what they want! Do you know how mean people come here by searching for “[Your player here] hot?” Even the ugly guys are sometimes listed!)
Overall, this adds to the list of bloggers I have actually met. It’s a short list: Ciskie, LGM, DG, WT, Dirty, Eliot Olshanksy, MEg, and Booster. Oh, I kind of met the guy from tSecond Best Feeling in tWorld, but not really. Others, take note: get on my list. I am funny. Despite what that comment said.
>3
>September 2, 2004. A date that will die in obscurity.
As always, I totally forgot to mark the RWD Dogiversary. 3 freaking years, people, can you stand it? And still, no one reads this thing.
This is my fourth season of covering the Bulldogs. When I first started the site, optimism abounded among the Bulldog faithful. We had a veteran squad that had been in the Frozen Four five months prior. We had a very hott captain. I thought I was going to attend a lot of Bulldogs games*. And I had just discovered a freshman named Mike Curry.
Now he’s a senior! WTC am I going to do next year???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
We’ve got a lot of juniors this year, but they aren’t particularly playoff-tested. Our assistant captain looks like a serial killer. I’ll probably only make a few games this year. And yet, there’s always optimism at the start of the season. Just look at Donald, even The Grinch can be optimistic about his Seawolves. I’m ready for the season to start, and I’m ready to see hella wins this year. LET’S GO ‘DOGS!!!!!!!!!
*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
>Ticker
>Okay, so I underestimated my readership by, like, 2 people. Sorry, RW77. I can’t count that high on one hand.
Recently, Interested Parties contacted me via covert communications to ask if I would be doing a hottie preview this year. After the request was filtered through the Canadian-to-Normal-English translat-o-matic, I nearly tore my hair out of my head at the mere memory of what I went through last year with my ten team whirlwind WCHA hottie preview. Dear god, the ugliness. Also, it totally made me look like a loser jersey-chasing fan-girl. I may be a loser and a total fan-girl, but I AM NOT CHASING JERSEYS. If I found myself in proximity to a jersey, I would be running the other way. I stalk from afar, comrades.
But yet, as I get so very, very few requests from my readers, and most of those requests are to stop blogging and die, so when a real request reaches me, I’m more than happy to finally have something to freakin’ write about oblige. This year, instead of doing tGtBatA, I’ll be doing something different. I give you:
The Dow Jones Memorial Hottie Stock Report
This year, in an attempt to be a kinder person (and I know Satan just saw a few snowflakes falling when I wrote that), instead of labeling people as Ugly or Heinous or, rarely, Not Ugly, I’ll be using relative terms such as Less Uggo or More Uggo, as compared to last year. If I wanted to be nicer, I would maybe say Less Hott or More Hott, but that is a pretty big if, folks.
Freshman Class
(obvs. freshmen have no comparison from last year, but I couldn’t exclude them. We will just say they are all hotter, because becoming a D1 hockey player makes you hotter, even if you’re Colby Genoway, Ugliest Man Ever.)
Rob Bordson: Well, hello, lovah. If every hockey player looked like you, I would do an All-WCHA Hottie Preview.
Cody Danberg: Cody totally wants to sell me something. I see he’s an undecided major. Ooh, ooh! Cody! Major in marketing or something!
Justin Fontaine: Justin is rocking the SJP hair from Sex and the City.
Chad Huttel: I don’t know if it’s my computer or the picture, but Chad’s hair is totally pixellated or something. It looks like Larry decided to Photoshop in some raindrops or something. His hair is as dewy as grass in the morning.
Mike Montgomery: Mike looks like he is hiding something, both from the expression on his face, and from the lack of bio. I see he is from Lino Lakes. Maybe he is a prison escapee. Monte, get on that bio (although Monte will write that he is the next Crosby).
Evan Oberg: Evan appears to have just removed swim goggles. His face is very creased. He also looks like a guy I really liked in junior high, so we have an instant rapport.
Kenny Reiter: For a non-Robby Nolan goalie, Kenny is not bad. Sunburned, but not bad. Next time, smile, honey.
Kyle Schmidt: Kyle is possibly Mike Montgomery’s partner in crime. He is so plotting something. I the plot is growing his hair out. Ladies love the curls.
Sophomore Class
Drew Akins: Drew is MORE HOTT. He looks like he wants to kill me, but hey, get in line, pal.
Jordan Fulton: Jordy is MORE HOTT. He must have read my criticism from last year, and has a five o’clock shadow to try to make him look older. Shout out to me!
Logan Gorsalitz: MORE HOTT. Logan is looking fiiiiiiiine, awww yeah. And no one paid me to say that. Although I do take Porsches as currency. This is one instance in which Not Smiling is acceptable.
Trent Palm: LESS HOTT. The chin is too Jay Leno for me.
Chase Ryan: MORE HOTT. Chase has discovered the beautiful skin under his acne with Proactiv Solutions.
Alex Stalock: LESS HOTT. The pre-mutton chops are weird, and worse than regular mutton chops.
Junior Class
Andrew Carroll: MORE HOTT. He, too, is showing the scruff to mature his face a little.
Jay Cascalenda: MORE HOTT. The spikes aren’t so scary this year.
Jason Garrison: MORE HOTT. Like, potential All-Hottie Team hott.
Michael Gergen: MORE HOTT. Whoa, mama. I need a cigarette.
Matt Greer: MORE HOTT. Um, I don’t know. Work on that tie knot, sailor.
Nick Kemp: MORE HOTT. Although, he has a near mullet. See a doctor about that, sweetie.
Josh Meyers: EVEN. Didn’t he have longer hair last year? Bring that back.
MacGregor Sharp: I DON’T KNOW. I can’t decide. He is weirdly morphing into another Bulldog player from a few years ago, but I can’t quite figure out who. I’ll have more on this later.
Senior Class
Mike Curry: MORE HOTT. He is less Cusack-esque this year. However, he looks toasted. Nicely toasted.
Travis Gawryletz: MORE HOTT. I wrote an essay about this picture called Two Treatises on Gawryletz, but I will not post it here, as it is longer than War and Peace. I guess I wouldn’t say that morphing into the Charles Manson of werewolves is actually hott, he looks so damn awesome I must give him props.
Matt McKnight: EVEN. Fearless Leader looks the same every year. If you recall, I had to check last year to make sure he had not re-used his sophomore photo. This year I didn’t have that problem, as he is def. wearing something different.
Nate Ziegelmann: EVEN. I have a feeling that by the time he is 50, Ziggy will actually look like Ziggy the comic strip character.
OVERALL, it looks to be a bull market for this year’s Bulldogs. Yum!
>Endless Summer
>Do you know how many posts I write while driving? I would say that about 75% of my non-recap related posts are started while driving in rush hour traffic. There are also quite a few posts that I write in my car that don’t make it onto the site because I forget about them, or get a better idea, or they are boring (more boring than normal, I mean), or I’m too busy stuffing my face, or whatever. Anyway, composing posts while driving is very theraputic with me. It helps me deal with the BLINDING RAGE I feel toward other drivers. I have to do something when commercials are on the radio and I can’t rock out to Toto’s “Africa.”
So, today I had a little driving experience that I guess, in a Six Degrees of Separation sort of way, is relevant to this site. (God, I am really stretching it here, but I can’t neglect my five readers! I love you guys! And I can list you: LGM, WinTwins, Goon, Donald, and FHG. NOTE THAT I CAN’T EVEN COUNT ON MY FREAKING PARENTS TO READ THIS THING. Why do I even bother? *******SHAMELESS PLEA FOR VALIDATION**********) I was trying to get somewhere, and some jerks would not let me merge off of 94E at my exit, and then I barely made it to the next exit, and then I was in on the UMTC campus, and NO ONE THERE CAN DRIVE WORTH CRAP. Seriously. And people also suck at walking. And parallel parking. I should seriously drive a tank, because then if I want to merge, I will just put my blinker on and people will move, or else I will just run over them. And I will also run over pedestrians and parallel parkers.
Moral of the story: Gopher fans suck in all forms of traffic.
Seriously, when is hockey going to start? I am lonesome for it. Some radio station was giving away Wild tix for some time this month, so there’s hope, but seriously. I MISS HOCKEY. I also miss the cool weather that comes along with hockey, because my fab car overheats when I get stuck in traffic, so while I was creeping through Dinkytown, I was blasting my heater and swearing at people. I need the weather to cool down about 10 degrees so when I go for a run, it doesn’t feel like a freaking Death March. I also miss hockey-related news. Nothing is going on. I guess tDECC is getting a new floor, which will make for some better ice. This is fab, since our ice usually has the consistency of an Icee, without being as tasty. Also, Ciskie has started updating his old blog, but I am not going to change the link until A.) he informs me it’s a permanent change and B.) he quits writing conference previews for college football. Ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh. But, because I am nice (yeah, right), I am linking.
Okay, enough of this. I’ve lost steam. Goodnight, all.
>Lazy and Surly
>You know, just like the Teamsters.
While I am fairly certain all is not quiet on the Bulldog front, with school starting very soon and everything, my spy net hasn’t caught a whole lot worth sharing. School is starting for ME in a very short period of time, and unfortunately that’s going to frequently conflict with my quality time in front of my computer listening to Ciskie and flailing wildly in panic. The good news here is, that significantly decreases the chances I will stroke out during the season. This doesn’t indicate a decrease in the quality of my BRILLIANT POSTING on this site, but rather a need for some serious creativity on those days when I’ll be missing the broadcasts. (Did you know that with Replay Radio, you can listen to your program any time, day or night? BECAUSE I SURE KNEW THAT AFTER LAST SEASON. It is burned into my brain.)
If there are any other fellow Lazy and Surly Bulldog fans out there, please contact me about contributing to the site. There are many ways people can contribute to this site: photography, web design (ha!), game recaps, interviews, opinion pieces, modern art, historical articles, scouting reports, gourmet recipes, article ideas, epic poems written in iambic pentameter, publicity, hilarious Photoshop creations, gossip, or whatever you can dream up inside that head of yours. Please note that if you make a mistake in your spelling or grammar, I will warn you once by chopping off your hand, but the second time, I will be forced to kill you. This site has high standards.
I’m fairly certain no one’s interested in stepping up to the plate, but I just thought I’d throw that out into the ether and see what happened.
And now, for a Major Concern. The UMD Hockey site ran a blurb on Fearless Leader Matt McKnight recently, mostly discussing his election as captain for the second year in a row. That’s not the concern. HERE is the concern:
McKnight will enter his farewell collegiate season ranking first among current Bulldogs in career scoring (53 points) and games played (99). Last winter, the Halkirk, Alberta native was hobbled for nearly a quarter of the season with an arm injury, and wound [up] mustering just nine points (four goals and five assists) in 29 outings.
Okay. I knew things were bad, but good lord. Our top returning scorer is a guy who was injured for a good portion of the season last year? Is anyone else a little scared? Of course, I know that there are more than a few guys on the team that are capable of so much more than they achieved last year, points-wise, we’re bringing in some great new freshmen, and Mike Curry will continue his ascent toward Scoring Animal, so I have that to look forward to. I also know that in years past we have returned some high-scoring talent and seen the team underperform BIG TIME, so one can hardly project numbers for one season using the numbers from the previous season.
Let’s fall back on a platitude here. Time will tell. Coach says we’re gonna finish in the top five. College Hockey News says we’ll be in the bottom five. Someone’s gotta be right.
Just… hurry up, hockey. I’m sick of waiting.
>Tales From The Northland
>Okay, yes, I do realize I went to Duluth over a week ago, but I’ve been tired, people. Give a girl a break.
FIRST OF ALL, we must discuss the incredible 36.3 miles per gallon I got in my lovely and amazing Saturn, which also did not overheat at all. Brilliant. I guess that’s all the discussion that is needed, except to say STOP DRIVING FREAKING HUMMERS AND SUVS AND CRAP LIKE THAT. Jeez. I sound like a freaking hippie. And that makes me feel dirty.
Okay, so last Sunday I jumped in the Wheels of Death and zipped up to Duluth (a bit behind schedule, but what’s new?) I can only go so long without a.) visiting Duluth and b.) talking Bulldog hockey with a real live Bulldog fan. So I decided to visit the RWD Mobile Reporter, Gramps, as well as Gram (collectively known as The Folks).
After arriving on campus at tUMD, I thought that I saw a few Bulldog hockey players, but I might have just been projecting. Besides, short of a player coming up to me, introducing himself, and reminding me that he plays for tDogs, I wouldn’t have a clue. So, no chance for any kind of stalking. One of the great tragedies of our time, no doubt.
So, after arriving at Heaney Hall to rendez-vous with the Mobile Reporter, we climbed into The Mothership Lincoln and headed down to Canal Park. There, we ran into a very rich old codger acquaintance of Gramps’s (hint: there’s a hockey arena named after him), and ended up in some exceptionally long movie about the Lighthouses of Isle Royale down at the Army Corps of Engineers museum. My god. It was so long. There should have been some sort of warning. We also visited the Duluth Pack store where I got some most excellent accessories (apparently I am either Bill or Ted now). We rounded out the day with a visit to the Lakeview Castle for “the best walleye” that the Folks had had “all summer.” (I did not go to the Sports Garden. I’d never go there without FHG.)
Now, for the actual hockey content. We discussed the television situation in Duluth. According to Gramps, when they moved here from New Hampshire, they were told that the whole city essentially revolved around hockey. Obvs. there was nothing else to do in Duluth in those days. tUMD wasn’t even in the WCHA back then, though they became a D-1 independent just after the Folks moved up to Duluth (or, as Gram thought of it at first, the end of the world). Already hockey fans from growing up watching high school hockey in Rhode Island and Massachusetts (yes, 65 years ago, they had high school hockey in New England), the Folks had season tickets to tUMD hockey for decades, starting at the old Curling Club (scene of excessive fraternity hijinx from other RWD correspondents, including former RWD Overseas Correspondent L and RWD East Coast correspondent H) and continuing once tDECC was built. Even the Most Excellent former Matriarch of the RWD family (my great-grandmother) had a season ticket for a few years. The RWD family is in its fourth generation of Bulldog hockey support.
Highlights from our conversation:
1. Gramps’s friend was the guy who posted on the DNT message board that we need to fire Sandelin because tDogs have not had a winning season since ’92. I asked him to remind said friend that tDogs did not have a losing season when they went to the Frozen Four.
2. Speaking of firing Sandelin, Gramps is not in favor. He believes (and I agree) that we need a coach that is either Canadian or has mucho Canadian connections, because we can’t effectively recruit an entire competitive team out of the Northland. This is not a new revelation.
3. As a matter of fact, Gramps cancelled his season tickets one year when tUMD hired… um… what’s his name… that fella from Grand Rapids whose name escapes me at this moment. Then, during some sort of scrimmage, he witnessed a young walk-on named Brett Hull show off his mad skillz, and promptly retrieved his season tickets, because he didn’t want to miss out on the Brett Hull show.
4. During the Brett Hull years, Hull was on one line and current tUMD coach/party animal Bill Watson was on another, but they were always paired together during a 4 on 4 situation. According to Gramps, a 4 on 4 situation was “a goal for UMD” almost without fail. It’s kind of a shame that I was too young to know what the heck was going on back then. It’s kind of a shame our special teams situation has been a bit of a pain in the butt the past few years, especially 4 on 4.
5. Under the reign of terror of “So Long Ralphie” as they used to sing to coach Romano, tDogs employed a very Lemaire-esque defencive plan: get a 2 goal lead, and sit on the puck. Waste time. Don’t even bother to do anything offensive, just hold the lead. It was not a very good strategy, evidently, nor was it very popular with the fans. Of course, the best way to get rid of a coach is to promote him. (Note: Romano was, according to my sources, a most excellent A.D. He just “wasn’t a hockey coach.”)
Though it was great to discuss hockey for awhile, it also reminded me of how much I miss the game. And, of course, of how excruciating it is to try to come up with content for this site during the long off-season.
I should note that tDogs selected their captains for 2007-08 at some point, though I was totally unaware. There was no press release (LARRY I AM LOOKING IN YOUR DIRECTION), and I just happend to look at the “fast facts” link on tUMD’s website. RWD Guy Matt McKnight is our Fearless Leader for the upcoming season, with Andrew Carroll as his Boris and Travis Gawryletz as his Natasha (these roles are interchangeable, I’m not trying to say anything about anyone’s masculinity here). tDogs have an opportunity to build on last year’s, um, success if they can get strong leadership out of their juniors and seniors. Last year’s upperclassmen really stepped it up and elevated their own play as well as that of their teammates, and I’ll be expecting that again. I hope that Knighter and Carroll have full, healthy seasons this year, as a shoulder injury and post-concussive issues, respectively, sidelined the poor guys.
Look for a RWD press release in the near future naming My Guys for the upcoming season.
>Hurtling Towards Mecca
>Stay off the roads Sunday, because RWD is invading Duluth. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!
>Addition
>REAL LIVE ACTUAL NEWS! I can’t even stand it!
First of all, the BIGGEST news of all is that tDogs have brought in Camrose Kodiak Evan Oberg a year early. This is gigantor news, as Oberg is an outstanding defenceman with some offensive power. Oberg joins forwards Rob Bordson, Cody Danberg, Kyle Schmidt, Mike Montgomery, and Justin Fontaine, defenceman Chad Huttel, and goalie Kenny Reiter as the incoming Bulldogs. Did I or did I not predict tDogs would bring in another player? I am a genuis! (Although it was pretty obvs.)
Secondly, UND Blogger and RWD friend Goon has adopted a human child to go along with his dog child Dakota. No word on how Dakota is handling the usurping of his position.
Thirdly, you can read a little profile of Drew Akins over at INCH’s A-Z feature. Though he is not one of my guys, I am a huge Drew A. fan. Note that the “B” profile guy is a faux-Dog.
Okay, that’s about it. I don’t know what else to post until Money gets bored and starts another topic on tPB.
Runnin' With the Dogs 