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>*Consumer Alert*

17 April 2006

>At Runnin’ with the Dogs, we’re here for you, the reader. Our crack team of watchdogs is always on the lookout for your safety and security. That’s why, when we came across this scam sweeping the college hockey world, we knew we had to educate our audience immediately.

It has come to our attention that there are, in the college hockey world, as we speak, Bulldog imposters. Do not be fooled by these Faux-Dogs: they are not the UMD Bulldogs. They will not give you quality, WCHA-style, top-notch hockey. These Faux-Dogs are riding the coattails of the true Bulldogs, the Bulldogs from UMD, and they will not give you Hobey Baker-quality players, WCHA-quality hockey. If you are buying a ticket for a Bulldog game, make sure it has the UMD seal of authenticity on it. If you are reading about Bulldog hockey, make sure you’re reading Runnin’ With the Dogs, or a Runnin’ With the ‘Dogs approved site.

Just how do you tell the real Bulldogs from the fake ones? Observe:

This is, of course, the UMD mascot, Champ. Notice the clearly defined features, the collar stolen from some horrible black metal band, the menacing underbite, the thousand-yard stare. This is one killer dog you don’t want to mess with.

Then, there’s this Faux-dog, from Ferris State. While he does have the collar, and appears to be menacing by breaking that hockey stick in half with his jaws, he’s really not all that scary. Urine-yellow fur no self-respecting mascot would EVER have. Floppy, droopy ears. A dopey, hillbilly countenance. He’s clearly the product of years and years of dogs marrying their sisters.

Then there’s the other Faux-dog, from Yale. We played the Yale bulldogs earlier in the year, and rocked them like a hurricane. But look at this mascot: I can’t tell if it’s a dog or Mike Tice, and that’s just wrong. No spiked collar, no (normal-looking) eyes to speak of, sort of an avant-garde take on an actual dog. Only one tooth, so probably geriatric. In short: Not. Scary. At all.

I hope this keeps you folks from being swindled into Faux-dog hockey. It’s one of the biggest scams out there, along with that guy from Nigeria who wants you to save his $10 million dollars in a bank while he emigrates here, or the letter that tells you to send it to 10 of your friends plus the person who sent it to you, or you’re a big fat meanie who doesn’t care about their friends. But we care, loyal followers. We care.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. 18 April 2006 11:04 pm

    >Solid work. We don’t need any more Bulldogs.

  2. 19 April 2006 6:40 pm

    >ralph nader would be proud!love,mom


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