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1 May 2006

>Did you feel that jolt? That was me, with the defibrilator, trying to zap some life back into this site. Geez, the offseason is BORING.

I’ve started my off-season training. THGIA and I are in a softball league. I’m off to a Jeff McFarland-esque start, batting a big fat goose egg. I’ve definitely got the guns to hit it out of the park (ha!), but I’ve got to quit swinging the bat like I’m Luke Skywalker using my lightsaber with the blast shield down. I’m doing a little running, too. I’m not going to show up to the keyboard in October 20 pounds overweight (ahemahemahem, Bulldogs, take note).

You know what’s great, though? Not having to watch the news for early departures. I guess I shouldn’t be too complacent, as I’ve been surprised in the past (Jay Rosehill, we hardly knew ye), but I’m going out on a limb here and saying our guys need at least another year of development in the WCHA before they move on to greener pastures. Or smoother ice. Whatever. It’s safe to say, I don’t fear the reaper. (I do, however, need more cowbell.)

Other teams aren’t as, um, fortunate as we are. (Are we fortunate? We sucked this past season, so we don’t need to worry about losing players? Is that a good thing?) Here’s the Runnin’ With the Dogs Rundown on who we won’t see on the ice next year in the WCHA. At least, so far.

David Backes, Minnesota State-Mankato
Backes was a great player on an okay team. I won’t miss him on the ice because he was a scary opponent, but I wish him the best of luck.

Matt Carle, University of Denver
Matt Carle pretty much did all he could at the collegiate level: national championship, Hobey Baker, All-Hottie team. Don’t get that pretty face messed up in the NHL, honey!

Kris Chucko, Minnesota-Twin Cities
I will miss Chucko simply because his name rhymed with so many insults.

Robbie Earl, Wisconsin-Madison
My archnemesis? Gone? Nooooooooo! He’s totally ruined my plans! Oh, the fun we would have had, the cruel things I would have said! He’s foiled my plan to wear a wetsuit and carry the A (Alfa) flag. (Contrary to what some people had at the WCHA playoffs, the “Diver Down” flag is not red and white, it looks like this.) I didn’t even get a chance to cure his pimples.

Danny Irmen, Minnesota-Twin Cities
Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling, they’re saying “Good luck getting a puck between us in the NHL.” I don’t like situations like this, when my enemy suddenly joins my side. Joe Mauer joining the Twins, Danny Irmen for the Wild. I just don’t trust it. Maybe one day, love will build a bridge between Danny and me, but I don’t know if it’ll hold.

Ryan Potulny, Minnesota-Twin Cities
The original member of The Hater Report. The inspiration for it, in fact. Oh Ryan, you were The Little Engine That In The End Just Couldn’t Quite Make It. All those awards I listed above for Matt Carle, you were just shy of getting, too. You’re the New Jan Brady!

Matt Smaby, University of North Dakota
I don’t think any opposing players will miss the brain-rattling, bone-jarring, board-shaking hits Big Matt dished out. UND was lucky to get another year out of him, since he was so close to signing with them last year. Instead, they went with our own Rosie the Riveter.

Rastislav Spirko, University of North Dakota (added 5/5/06)
Someone, please hold me. I loved my little Sparky, and I’m going to miss him terribly. First, he goes and gets engaged to someone other than me, now he’s forsaking me to go back to Europe and play for-profit hockey. Don’t go, Spirko! Not without kissing me goodbye!

Drew Stafford, University of North Dakota (added 5/4/06)
Drew was a controversial player around here at Runnin’ With the Dogs. He failed to make the All-Hottie List, and the readers were incensed! I thought Drew was great, he was the king of short-handed goals, he was in a rockin’ band, and his arms made me all hot and bothered. The ladies love ya, Drew, and you’ll be missed.

Travis Zajac, University of North Dakota
Um… uhhh… I liked you? Good luck? Until we meet again? Sayonara? Hasta la vista, baby? I don’t know, what do I say? If only we’d had more time together…

*As more players leave, I’ll post my thoughts in supplemental blurbs, but I’ll also add them to the master list here.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. 1 May 2006 3:19 pm

    >ha! I am laughing so hard! Thanks for making the beginning of the offseason a little less boring! I especially like the Robbie Earl comments. I too will miss making fun of his All-American Diving team status…As to Danny Irmen, I think it is safe to say that you will have a whole year to forget about is goofer past before you have to care just a little bit about him as a Wild player. I really hope he enjoys his upcoming year in Houston!

  2. 1 May 2006 6:53 pm

    >Hey lady, at least you’ve still got pro hockey going for ya!

  3. 4 May 2006 11:41 pm

    >I guess we can add Drew Stafford to the list. A sad week.


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