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>The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly: MTU and MSU-M

11 October 2006

>I call this the Where My Girls At edition, in honor of MeanEGirl and LetsGoMavs.

First up: Michigan Tech Huskies. I have to apologize for these links, because they go to the team’s yearbook, so they are pdf files and sort of annoying. Especially if you don’t have Adobe Acrobat, but seriously, if you don’t have it, you probably don’t have a computer.

The Good
All right, lets start with the best of the best: goalie Rob Nolan. Goalies tend to be either hott (i.e. Jake Brandt, Nate Lawson, etc) or nott (i.e. Isaac Reichmuth, yeesh!), and Rob is sizzling!
Taking a red shirt last season allowed Malcolm Gwilliam to cultivate a Beatles-like haircut that nearly kept him off the list, but his smile got to me. Joining Malcolm on the list are sophomores Ryan Angelow, who barely made the cut, and Mike VanWagner, as well as junior Tyler Shelast, he of the perfectly messy hair and impish smile.
Incoming freshmen Ryan Bunger and Drew Dobson, who looks like Kyle Lohse. Let’s hope he doesn’t behave the same way, too.

The Bad
In the Close But No Cigar category, we have Alex Gagne, Jimmy “Not The One Who Went to RWD’s High School” Kerr, Alex Lord and Geoff Kinrade, who could both be Hotties come next season, and the malicious Mark Malekoff.
If I can’t see your picture, I can’t really judge you, John Kivisto. What are you hiding?
Phil Axtell and Jake Wilkens, why so blue, panda bears? Speaking of fuzzy animals, if Jordan Foote got those caterpillars waxed off, he might have a shot. And Kevin Hackey kind of resembles Goldy, which I suppose you could also consider a celebrity likeness. Speaking of celebrity likenesses, I think Justin St. Louis is trying to emulate Tiger Woods’ creepy facial expressions.
Lars Helminen looks like he took “Watch the birdie” seriously. Derek Kitti looks like this creepy kid I went to high school with.
I happen to think Michael-Lee Teslak could be good looking, but he has hair like he should be on a St. Pauli Girl bottle. Tyler Skworchinski looks like he took a shower, then jammed a baseball cap on his head, removing it nanoseconds before the photo was taken.
In the caveman look-alike contest, we have a clear winner in Peter Rouleau. Winning the Little Brother competition is Eli Vlaisavljevich.

The Ugly
I’m sorry, John Schwarz, but if you look like Troy Jutting’s son, there’s only one category for you.
Mike Batovanja looks like he is storing nuts for the winter. Potentially to feed his eyebrows.

Moving along, we’ve got the Mavericks from Mankato Minnesota State.

The Good
Getting this out of the way, I know I’d probably be harrassed nonstop if I didn’t put RJ Linder on the list. Good thing for Miss Mavs, I agree with her judgment. The only other entry on the Good list for MSU-M is Blake Friesen, and I think I was being kind here.

The Bad
Okay, so the first person I clicked on was Mike Zacharias, and I was like whoa, uggo. But then there was another Mike Zacharias link, which was very confusing. Will the real Mike Zacharias please stand up? I think I’ve got the right one, and he’s much less uggo than the faux Zacharias, who turned out to be Chris Clark. I think.
I know earlier this year someone was lobbying for Dan Tormey to be on the Hottie list, but I just don’t see it. Sorry, girl.
In our Celebrity Look-Alike contest, we have James Gaulrapp, who looks like that Ryan Wolff guy who no one likes on CSI: Miami, and Ryan Gunderson, who reminds me of Jay Leno. Hey, Steven Wagner could be an extra on Prison Break. Jon Kalinski somewhat resembles Mr. Ed.
I guess the team photos were taken at, like, 5:00 a.m. after a night of hard drinking, because Lucas Fransen and Jason Wiley look like they just woke up. Brian Kilburg, Nick Canzanello, Joel Hanson, and Trevor Bruess didn’t even have time to do their hair (and it looks like Trevor put his bridge in crooked!) Zach Harrison and Mick Berge look like they were on a 3-day bender.
There were a few people who were close to the good list, such as Kael Mouillierat, Travis Morin (I have to say this, Miss Mavs will kill me otherwise), and Kurtis Kisio.
And then there were those close to the bad list, like Jerad Stewart and Geoff Irwin, who should know that shaved heads are not sexy (Right Said Fred is not too sexy for anything!), Matt Tyree, who looks decades older than his teammates, and the unfortunate Chad Brownlee (sorry about getting your head squished in a vice!).

The Ugly
Normally I haven’t been including coaches, but you can’t have Ugly without Troy Jutting. And Kevin Huck, who looks like he could also be Jutting’s son.

Okay, that’s enough for now. This is harder than it looks, people.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. 11 October 2006 1:39 pm

    >I must say, I’m loving the rundowns of the teams. Excellent job. Helps a ton that I can click on the name and see them right away. You’re pretty accurate on the Mavs…but maybe a bit too nice on Gaulrapp…that guy is butt ugly to the point it’s scary. When I see him out at the bar I’m going to have to run the other way! You figured out the Clark/Zacharias deal. I don’t know what’s up with the website! Zacharias is the dark haired guy and clark is blonde. Good call on Tyree…he looks old as heck! I’m hoping most of these guys are better looking in person. Of course, I won’t know until I see them at the bar or something…so I can see them up close and personal:)

  2. 11 October 2006 5:12 pm

    >We always appreciate hottie reports from the field.And I was too nice on a LOT of people.

  3. 13 October 2006 3:38 am

    >Rob is DEFINITELY hot. It’s an alright picture, but he’s way better than that even.Lordy’s a cutie. The problem with pretty much all these pictures is… they look TERRIBLE! I guess that’s to be expected in hockey pictures though. I’d move Eli and Lars up for sure.Oh.. and why the hell do we have to share an entry with Mankato? That’s crap, RWD. That’s crap and you know it!But anyway, nice job on all of this stuff. It’s HILARIOUS to read. Definitely distracting me from what I should be doing now…

  4. 13 October 2006 6:02 am

    >You’re sharing an entry with Mankato, yes. But it was dedicated to you!!

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