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>The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly: UW

12 October 2006

>Well, it’s snowing here, and I’m still bringing you top notch investigative reporting. This post features our defending national champions.

The Good
Okay, let me tell you: this was not fun. The only WCHA All-Hottie Team Member from UW last year was AJ Degenhart, and he’s not around anymore. All I could come up with was Davis Drewiske and Matt Ford, and I’m not exactly jumping up and down about those choices.

The Bad
Let me tell you: it’s never good to resemble your own mascot, and both Michael Davies and Brian Elliott do. Speaking of Elliotts, Jake Dowell reminds me of David James Elliott, aka Harmon Rabb, Jr. from JAG. And though Jeff Likens looks nothing like The Fonz, doesn’t it seem like he’s saying “Heyyyyyy!”? Sit on it. And what would our ’70s flashback be without Jamie McBain, whose doppelganger I saw in my dad’s 1974 Duluth East yearbook.
Are we tired of all the segues yet? Well, now I got nothin’.
Josh Engel doesn’t look like anyone you might have heard of, but he looks like someone I know. And that person only wears leather, never leaves his house without gauntlets on his wrists, and sings Megadeth’s “Symphony of Destruction” at any karaoke event. Joe Piskula also looks like someone I know, who is unfortunately nicknamed “The Boy” because he is a man-child, and the only thing he is good at is playing bass guitar.
I was really disappointed in Jack Skille, because I thought he’d be hot. I don’t know why, I guess it just sounds like the name a hot person would have. However, Runnin’ With The ‘Dogs sounds like a website run by a hack who lives in a van down by the river, so I guess I shouldn’t talk. (And yet, I have wireless internet!)
Close only counts in hand grenades and horseshoes, so it’s tough luck for Ross Carlson, Kyle Klubertanz, and Aaron Bendickson, all of whom could have made the Good list if not for… well, I’m not quite sure. But it was something.
It was a cruel trick to surprise Jeff Henderson by popping up with the camera without a warning. I’d probably look like that, too. And someone, preferrably with red curly hair, should remind Andy Bohmbach that you’re never fully dressed without a smile.
What would a Bad list be without a Jutting relative? Ben Grotting must be a very very distant cousin, to make the Bad list and not the Ugly one.
And of course, a common category on the Bad list is either people who look way too young (Blake Geoffrion, Nigel Williams, Ben Street [except for the semi-mustache], Zach Bearson, and Ryan Jeffery) or way too old (Matt Olinger or Andy Brandt. And Andrew Joudrey looks like he has played in the NHL since before they made helmets mandatory.) to be playing college hockey.
Okay, the snarkiness is wearing on me. I’m so glad I’ve only got 3 more schools to go. Uggggh, that’s still a lot of players. Anyway, moving along, I think the Mystery Machine is missing one passenger in John Mitchell.
And finally, because I just seriously can’t think of anything else to make boring-looking people sound at least interesting, we have our entrants in the Failed To Impress category: Shane Connelly and Tom Gorowsky. Believe it or not, there were quite a few more names in that mini-list ten minutes ago.

The Ugly
The good thing about most of your players being relatively boring-looking is getting no one banished to the ugly list.

…and, I’m spent. I’m hoping to finish this up tomorrow, but oh my god is it driving me crazy. Just be thankful, comrades, because it’s all for you.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. 12 October 2006 2:48 pm

    >Too funny! This was your best list yet. Us loyal readers really do appreciate your wit and the time you take to do this. Cracks me up that they have 2 players that look like Bucky…I guess if hockey doesn’t work out, they can be the mascot. Also, love that you’re finding Jutting relatives. Too funny! It’s sad that there are that many ugly men out there that resemble him.

  2. 12 October 2006 8:48 pm

    >Snowing? I almost feel bad that it’s 50 degrees and sunny here.

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