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>Ugly Is The New Pretty

31 January 2009

>tUMD 1, Red Army 3

It’s kind of unfortunate that this season has had so many wins, because a lot of my good ideas about posts are about losing (it’s easier to write something funny about a loss than about a win, because a win is enjoyable on its own, while a loss must be spun so that I can sleep at night). And then we go and lose and I can’t think of any of those great posts. I really should have a little notebook or something to write these things down. Preferrably while driving with my knees and trying to apply mascara with the other hand. Hi Mom!

You know what this game could have used? A dirty, junky, garbage-y, bag over the head, butterface, make-you-puke-it’s-so-ugly goal. It was as if a bunch of guys who got Off Notice last weekend were all “W000t! We’ve got 4 games before we’re back on!” That’s not how it works, guys. I want to see some CRASHING of the NET and some POUNDING of OPPONENTS. If you are going to take a penalty, for crying out loud, MAKE IT WORTH SOMETHING! I want teeth on the ice, tears running down McBain’s face, apoplectic Eaves, refs running scared. Eddie Shore sould be standing up in his grave and cheering. Drew Akins, you can disregard this public service message, as it is not applicable to you. I might have to resurrect the Humane Society of the WCHA just for you after your boarding penalty tonight, although MEg would probably just adopt you and nullify that. Please just don’t do it again.

Here is a list of things I want tomorrow:
1. A power play goal.
2. A perfect penalty kill.
3. A garbage goal. (Akins????)
4. Two or three bone-jarring but LEGAL open-ice hits.
5. Opponents in front of the net to be knocked off their skates.
6. A Jacky goal (Note: #1 and #3 can not ALSO be fulfilled by this.)
7. A strong second period.
8. A goal from one of the captains.
9. A NICE BIG FATTY BOOM BATTY WIN! Guys, for reals, we need some MOMENTUM going up against Denver!

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season’s total: 2 (I want to change this tomorrow)
Points until we equal last season’s total: 4! (I want to change this tomorrow, too. Specifically by 2. Please?)

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 26
Jack Connolly: 21! (But I missed it! Sadness!)
Michael Gergen: 11
Rob Bordson: 0

Freshmen
Mike Connolly: 22
Jack Connolly: 21! (Look out MCON!)
Scott Kishel: 2
Brady Lamb: 1
Travis Oleksuk: 1
David Grun: 0

On Notice
Rob Bordson
Cody Danberg
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Drew Akins
Jay Cascalenda
Nick Kemp
Evan Oberg
Trent Palm
Kyle Schmidt

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