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>Manifest Destiny

8 February 2009


tUMD 4, Racist Mascots 2

In the early days of the WCHA season, there were those among the Denver fanbase who believed the Pioneers were destined and divinely ordained by the hockey gods to expand their empire across the whole of Division I hockey. They used this belief to justify their domination of other species such as huskies and bulldogs (and sweet, sweet buffalo!) as well as their violent attacks on innocent little fuzzy guys.

So the Pioneers rolled into town in their covered wagons with their sights on eradicating the Bulldogs from this earth once and for all. Along the way, they had to ford the Yukon River and lost an oxen, 2 sets of clothing, and a wagon wheel, and then Tyler Bozak got cholera and they went past a gravesite that says “Here lies Andy. Pepperoni and chease [sic].” For more information on the Pioneers’s journey, please consult this informative simulation.

So, after the first game, in which DU circled their wagons to keep the PP from scoring, and then made base camp in tUMD’s goal crease to either screen or cherry-pick (depending on the individual), something needed to be done. A last stand, perhaps, though one preferrably more successful than General Custer’s. Interestingly enough, this last stand involved some very similar strategery (or, rather, lack of strategery) to the previous night’s shenanigans. Meaning, Pioneers camped out in front of the net, etc. Some time in the third period, tUMD was on the penalty kill, and there was OF COURSE a player in the crease and a Bulldog player (who shall remain nameless) standing near him. IF THERE IS A PLAYER IN YOUR CREASE, DON’T FREAKING WATCH HIM. GET HIM THE FREAK OUT OF THERE. I can’t even stand it. How many goals would that have saved? So I yelled something marginally coherent, and then the secret player gave the guy in the crease a little shove and he moved. It was like we were on the same wavelength! We’re connected, Trent! I mean, uh, secret player. But thank you for doing that. Now everyone try to make a point of it. (Although it seems like every time a tUMD player decides to play physically they get called for a penalty, so it’s a pretty fine line, but please, figure something out.)

Oh, and Coach? I know you weren’t so happy with the PK and some of the defence from Friday night, but the substitution you made didn’t make any sense.

I was, of course, late to the game, as I essentially parked on the lake I was so far away from the game. I missed Sharp’s goal, one second after the expiration of the power play, but I did hear the goal horn as I was running to the ticket booth. Exciting. The battle had truly begun. And the game was a sell-out! That’s, what, two sell-outs this year? Against non-Gopher teams? That’s huge. Even though I complained about the availability of tickets, it’s still pretty exciting to have the team selling out games again. Plus I had a seat anyway, because I have friends in high places. Like, the top row of the student section. Which was a bit of a challenge to get to, but I’m tough.

What a fun game! I enjoyed the three early goals, although I got a little whiny because they came so close together that there was a long stretch with nothing to celebrate. I think I was even whining about it when Gergy decided to make Cheverie look like a water buffalo wallowing in a mudhole. (I don’t really like to think about water buffalo because there is a part in the book The Things They Carried about a water buffalo that is horribly disturbing.) Woohoo!

There should have been a few other goals in the game, including one DU shot that clanked off the pipe. Burbstyle said it was the luckiest we had been all season until I shut him down by reminding him of last weekend’s installment of the Alex Stalock Goaltending Circus. Burbs was pwned. I can’t believe I said that. I guess I’m getting ready for Tech weekend ALREADY! Yay! Fonzie hit a couple of pipes, too, and MSJ had what I thought was a wide-open net but somehow stupid Chevy go-go-Gadgeted his leg or pad or something over and saved it and I almost tumbled over onto Biddco because I was standing on the back of my seat.

The game ended very poorly because Foz E. Bear was trying to get an empty net goal with 3 seconds left and stupid jerk Mullen decided to brutally slash him. Listen, Mr. Mullen. I know you are not a very good player and a disproportionate number of the crappy plays in the game could be attributed to you, but it isn’t very kind to take it out on anyone else. You could have just slashed yourself. Then Gwozzy tried to make you apologize and no one cared, so you just looked stupid, which was good. I wasn’t really sure what was going on at the time; I thought that the refs were going to make them leave the ice without shaking hands in order to avoid a UMTC/UND-style incident, but things got explained later on.

The Curling Club followed, and pure insanity. DU fans are incredibly fun. My voice is completely shot.

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season’s total: FINITO!!!!
Points until we equal last season’s total: BRAVISSIMO!!!

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 28!
Jack Connolly: 22
Michael Gergen: 13! (Now flat to last year in points!!)
Rob Bordson: 0

Mike Connolly: 25!
Jack Connolly: 22 (So close to having a goal that I pre-celebrated it!)
Scott Kishel: 2
Brady Lamb: 1
Travis Oleksuk: 1
David Grun: 0

On Notice
Rob Bordson
Andrew Carroll
Jay Cascalenda
Nick Kemp
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Justin Fontaine
Matt Greer
Josh Meyers
Mike Montgomery
Trent Palm

7 Comments leave one →
  1. 9 February 2009 12:42 pm

    >And no credit given to UND for being the one to end DU’s quest of Manifest Destiny. Typical.

  2. 9 February 2009 6:38 pm

    >Sweet sweet buffalo…If you would have fallen on me it would have only been payback for the many times I have fallen on my friends. Haha great entry. I am most upset about how we didn’t think of Oregon Trail references until the games were over, but I am glad to see you put them here! Very nice.

  3. 9 February 2009 10:47 pm

    >Glad our Pio fans that made the trip were fun. I want stories!We were lucky to split. Good luck to UMD the rest of the way, unless you play us again…

  4. 10 February 2009 3:19 am

    >Umm…I believe part of the luck was that the net came off the morings as well, otherwise a rebound goal was imminent.And I don’t chalk missing the WIDE OPEN NET to luck- that’s just paint thinner doing what it’s supposed to! :)PS- Should I feel special I got mentioned? Cause it’s possible I do.

  5. 10 February 2009 12:22 pm

    >Has any news come out of the DU camp that Coach Gwoz will suspend Mullen for the CC game? Any news on the injury to the UMD dude? I believe Singapore appreciates the “slash” move. Not sure, but I think Mullen has found a home in the Far East after finishing up at DU. Here come the Sioux!

  6. 10 February 2009 7:52 pm

    >It’s hard to finish reading this article without clicking on the link and playing OT and number munchers for a bit. “Peperoni and chease.” ROFL Visual verification was “chesses”

  7. 10 February 2009 11:20 pm

    >UMDDogz, you can play Odell Lake, too. All of those games were made in Minnesota. How glorious that MN has produced something so amazing. Other than me, I mean.2&35, MCON appears to be all right other than soreness; we are off this week so he'll be able to heal.Burbie, this isn't the first time I've mentioned you. It may not be the last. And the net came off the moorings because some genius from DU flung himself into it.Swami, I have no stories! I hardly saw the group at all. I wasn't even in Duluth for 5 hours.Biddco, if I had fallen it would have created a domino effect and there would be student carnage everywhere. Hm. I should have fallen.Dirty, they should have done a better job in real life.


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