Skip to content

>Beautiful Loser

2 March 2009


tUMD 3, Lucky Stiffs 5

Ode to MacGregor Sharp
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee for the first and second and third
Goals you scored, when feeling out of the game
When down 2-nothing early in the second.
I love thee for the level of every game’s
Most stellar play, by Friday and Saturday night.
I love thee freely, as you strive for goals;
I love thee purely, as you turn back opponents.
I love with a passion put to use
In my creepy blogs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
The past seasons, I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! and, if hockey gods choose,
I shall but love thee better after sweeping UAA.
(because I am not Bobby Goepfert,
the original)

I don’t know which is creepier: that poem, or my Star Wars birthday post. Let’s see ask the folks at home!

Okay, now I can commence recapping. Maybe. I’m not sure.

All day in class yesterday I was stressing so much. I was feeling really good about how the Bulldogs played on Friday and how they are usually even better on Saturdays, but I’m always nervous. It’s kind of the same way I’m always nervous when I come up to bat in softball; there’s a limited number of at-bats, and I don’t want to waste one with a strikeout. And, more often than not, I do, but whatever. There were only 39 guaranteed games this season (including Lakehead), and that is not a lot of games. I need to see wins, yo!

We actually arrived at the game on time AND I convinced MEg to wear one of my tUMD jerseys, and then I gave my mom one of my other ones, so we all had tUMD gear. I had some pre-game socializing duties to attend to, as I had to find FHG and the Ciskies. I didn’t find The Beard, but he even admitted he was probably swilling lukewarm domestic beer from a plastic cup. UNSURPRISING, I should say.

I managed to meet up with some other tPBers and we decided to snag seats in the student section. I am a cougar, and yet I’ve sat in various student sections for 4 of the 5 games I have most recently attended. I guess it is probably convenient when cougaring to sit in the student section. It’s like camouflage for the hunt. We had a pretty good group of folks together ready to be loud and proud for our boys.

And then the game started, and the first period was uggggggggggggggggggh as Ryan “Should I Stay Or Should I Go?” Stoa (AS IF HE WOULD STAY, FOR REALS PEOPLE) scored 5 minutes into the game. Akins went all Akins on Ryan Flynn later in the period. MEg was wondering if we should go talk to him, but I pointed out we’d probably get over there just as the penalty was ending. One of the characteristics I love most about Akes is his ability to GET OVER IT ALREADY after he mixes it up with a guy. ZACH JONES, TAKE NOTES. Or don’t, and continue your craziness if tUMD and UND ever meet up. tUMD then had to kill 2 penalties with a very short interval between, and then failed to convert on their own PP.

During the first period, 2 weird things happened in the stands. First of all, some moron a section over started hassling us. No one in our group is one to back down from a heckler, especially if 1.) the heckler(s) is(are) funny or 2.) they are embarrassing themselves and we can embarrass them further. Biddco was all over this guy, practicing his newfound skill of “projecting from his diaphragm” rather than “screaming like an anorexic dog.” This upstanding young man made some dumb comments about tUMD that Biddco quickly rebuffed with “It’s the same system,” to which I added “It’s the same name on the diploma!” This guy also had on NO gopher colors at all. He was wearing a gray and black t-shirt which prompted a short “Let’s go Raiders!” chant which was genius. He didn’t have any interest in the hockey game, just in us, because we are so awesome. Also, a weird person wearing neon green spandex over his entire body arrived midway through the period for no reason. He brought us peace and love, I think. Like Urkel. He disappeared after the first period, ostensibly because he had gotten enough attention, was too much of a pansy to stick it out for the whole game, or had suffocated and died.

The second period got way worse. Justin Bostrom scored, assisted by Benedict Arnold Cade Fairchild and a hobo off the street. (Seriously, who is Joe Miller? I have never heard of him. And probably never will again.) I was very, very, very, very very verybv eyrfeveyreyrawe stressed. It was not good. Then Aaron Ness (who is interchangeable with Aaron Marvin to me) cheated, and our power play came out locked and loaded and MacGregor Sharp put in the only power play goal of the weekend. Some other things occurred and 1:21 later, the Sharpshooter had another kill shot. And we were back in it! So much that we started chanting “We’re back in it! [clap clap clapclapclap]” tUMD had 2 additional power plays in the 2nd, and I yelled “COME ON MACGREGOR!!! I WANT A HAT TRICK!!!” Hmm… interesting.

He must have heard me. 6 minutes into the 3rd, MacGregor put another round through the heart of Captain Kangaroo for a NATURAL HAT TRICK, the first hat trick since MARCO PELUSO, and also his 17th goal of the year. THAT EQUALLED HIS TEAM-LEADING POINT TOTAL FROM LAST YEAR. Can anyone say Most Improved MVP Amazing Awesome Genius Scorer???? More importantly, would anyone other than me use that terminology? Sadly, only one hat made it onto the ice. I KNOW there were more people close to the ice who were wearing hats, BRUCE CISKIE. We were so gleeful and had many chants, including “We Miss Frazee,” followed by “You Miss Frazee!”

Our glee did not last long, as the backcheck breakdown allowed T-Lu to score as no one decided to cover the pass. Then Nico “I Wish I Was As Cool As Nisky” Sacchetti scored the game winner on an apparent call from Doug Woog (what?). Somehow the Gopher fans remembered they were at a hockey game, and the 3 wastes of skin in front of us decided to stand, after sitting for the whole game prior to that point. Ok, it’s the student section, I know, but we were sitting there when they came in (somewhere during the second period before tUMD scored) and they were sitting for most of the game, so it was extremely lame of them to keep standing. I expressed this by cheering for the Bulldogs by SCREAMING IN THEIR EARS. Yes, it was very low-class and unsportsmanlike of me to do that, but I don’t even care. They weren’t wearing Gopher gear, were texting for a lot of the game, and didn’t even know how to do any of the cheers. Don’t freaking stand in front of me if you don’t even care about the game. I hope you morons are deaf. The game pretty much fell apart after that, although there was some hope when the Gophers put a puck in the net with a high stick and the play was reviewed and correctly overturned after Meyers took an elbowing penalty that morons who couldn’t even see the play thought would be a 5 minute major (like the idiots in front of us. I asked them if they even know what they were doing or why they were doing it, and if they knew no one was going to high five them) so we had to PK for awhile, then they pulled Al and Mike “I’m A Spoiled Brat From A Gated Community Of Snobs” Hoeffel got an empty net goal and it was all over.

Things can still go tUMD’s way. They really can. I’ll break that down later, but this is long enough already.

The Numbers
Wins until we equal last season’s total: -1
Points until we equal last season’s total: -4

My Guys
MacGregor Sharp: 35! (jDJKOEhsf9aw4th08a!!!)
Jack Connolly: 22
Michael Gergen: 14
Rob Bordson: 0

Mike Connolly: 29! (Pulling away with the competition!)
Jack Connolly: 22
Scott Kishel: 2
Brady Lamb: 1
Travis Oleksuk: 1
David Grun: 0

On Notice (TOO MANY PEOPLE! Hopefully rectified this weekend!)
Rob Bordson
Andrew Carroll
Jay Cascalenda
Jack Connolly
Cody Danberg
Jordan Fulton
Mike Montgomery
Kyle Schmidt
Alex Stalock

Goals Only
Drew Akins
Mike Connolly
Evan Oberg
Trent Palm

7 Comments leave one →
  1. 2 March 2009 2:48 am

    >Donna I thing I jinxed your team this weekend and I am sorry, I was hoping the Bulldogs would beat the Dirty Gophers and predicted they would sweep and they didn’t.

  2. 2 March 2009 3:57 am

    >Great to see my first hat trick ever! I am kinda glad you guys told me to stop yelling at him. With you guys there I would have gave him crap all game! Which could have gotten ugly. Clearly someone who doesn’t come up with insults pertaining to the right school isn’t worth it. But I should have asked him if he thought Al Davis should sell the Raiders and put someone new in charge. 😉

  3. 2 March 2009 5:56 am

    >Goon, I appreciated your support! Take care of biznass next weekend. And lay off Jess Myers!

  4. 2 March 2009 5:26 pm

    >RWD, I don’t find either your hat trick love poem or Star Wars salute in the least bit creepy.(Hope you’re not disappointed)When the objection of your affection is The MacGregor Sharp, it is only meet and right so to do.However, I am disappointed in the rest of the Bulldog team for not matching his effort and taking 2 points from the gophs. Bah Humbug! And just for that ENG, lower Hoeffel’s rating on the Hottie List. Show him.

  5. 4 March 2009 5:39 am

    >I voted like 3 or 4 times already. Hope that’s okay. 🙂

  6. 5 March 2009 7:27 pm

    >RWD I am going to offer a bbq at my house for my favorite INCH writer. 🙂 I will supply the bird 🙂 Now to task at hand win to games at the DECC. I would love to see the golden rodent have to travel up I-35 an get their butts kicked next weekend. It could happen. Sandy is a good coach and he can make it happen.

  7. 8 March 2009 12:45 am

    >What happened to Iambic Pentameter?


Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: