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>It’s A Great Day To Be Alive

22 September 2009

>

Bruce Ciskie is ONCE AGAIN the play-by-play announcer for the Bulldogs!
Of course, I must antagonize him by using a country song as the post title.
I will be posting an interview tonight right now!

RWD: So, how does it feel?

BC: Super. We waited until like the last few minutes, but that’s okay. The outcome makes it all worth it.

RWD: Are you doing this alone, or will you have a cohost/color person? And is that color person me? [!!!]

BC: I honestly don’t know for sure what we’ll do yet. A lot of that is up to The Fan.

RWD: So there’s a chance for me! [If you change your mind, I’m the first in line. Honey I’m still free, take a chance on me. RWD-aoke!]

BC: I’m relatively certain I won’t be alone, at least for home games.

RWD: I’m there for you. [Doin’ more overtime than BTO. Canada’s answer to ELP. Their biggest hit was TCB. That’s how we talked in the ’70s. We didn’t have a moment to spare.]

BC: “So you’re telling me there’s a chance??!!”

RWD: A 9% chance. [High Fidelity reference!]

BC: Of course. [Don’t patronize me!]

RWD: Anything else new this year?

BC: Good question. I’m going to have to get back to you on that. I’m guessing there will be similar flavor to last year before the changes were made, but I haven’t really taken time to figure all that out yet.

RWD: How about interviewing the guys in the shower? I know you said you didn’t do that last time I interviewed you. But it might spice things up.

BC: Well, that probably won’t be happening. The equipment doesn’t like getting wet, or something.

RWD: Er… Unintentional porn there. [I’ve never seen equipment that… no, not going there. Not gonna do it. Nnnnnnnnnoooootttttttttttt gonna do it.]

BC: Well, you did lead the witness.

RWD: Are you doing any high school games this year?

BC: Unknown. I’m certainly willing and able if they need someone to pitch in and help. I haven’t been asked, though.

RWD: What about the Coaches’ show?

BC: I have no idea. Boy, I’m full of details, right?

RWD: This interview sucks. I can’t believe I thought it was a scoop! You should bring back the giveaways. I want to win a pizza at the Lakeview Castle or skate sharpening. Well, let’s move on. Back to nude showering.

BC: aaarrrgh

RWD: Who do you wish you’d profiled last year?

BC: The freshmen.

RWD: Specifically.

BC: All of them. I feel almost like I’m stepping in to a whole new team.

RWD: These damn kids keep getting younger and younger, don’t they? [RWD = the female David Wooderson.]

BC: Well, yeah, and I keep getting older. But at least I know what Twitter is.

RWD: There’s no Ryan Geris to keep you feeling relevant.

BC: No, but there’s Justin May, who’s actually older than Ryan Geris.

RWD: He is not a player. [WTF. That’s like saying “Well, there’s Dick Stewart.”]

BC: That’s fine. He’s still around all. the. time. [And you love it.]

RWD: He can do the play by play again.

BC: And he’d probably be less rusty than I’ll be.

RWD: er, the color [oops]

BC: (WARNING: Oct. 3 is exhibition not only for players and officials, but for announcers.)

RWD: Just don’t exhibit anything we don’t want to see.

BC: Definitely.

RWD: Did watching in the stands change the way you’re going to approach the broadcast?

BC: I’ve thought about that. I don’t think so. I was already fully aware of the passion of Bulldog fans. They’re smart people, and they want their team to win. I’m sure I’ll be the same guy I was before. I did the “stands to booth” transition once already, so hopefully this goes a little more smoothly. Though I’m certain I’ll be more nervous than the players next Saturday.

RWD: The game’s Friday.

BC: No, the exhibition game is Saturday.

RWD: Lol. Just trying to throw you off your game.

BC: I’m not that easy.

RWD: I expect a full explanation of the attainable pass rule in the first five minutes of the broadcast.

BC: How can I explain something I don’t understand?

RWD: You had plenty of time to figure it out.

BC: I’ve only been gone for a few months, not five years. I do need to step up my research and learn more about the points of emphasis and such for the coming season.

RWD: So last year. During the Princeton game. Do you really think you could have held it together?

BC: Hell no. That’s ridiculous.I’m pretty sure I would have called for reinforcements for the Miami game, because there’s no way I could have worked. Old-school fans might remember Kerry almost completely losing his voice during the playoff comeback against the Gophers in 1998. That would have been me, only with a game the next night instead of three days off. PAIN.

RWD: I thought you were at that game. How would you have known?

BC: I was at that game, but I worked with Kerry at the time and heard the highlights. It was scary how bad his voice got. But when you think about how rare a game like that is, you just accept the consequences of giving it your all and losing your voice. It’s not much different than the three-OT game in St. Cloud, which I did by myself. I was almost literally unable to speak the next day. [The grammar in this sentence is offensive.]

RWD: That ending sucked. Would you have broken your no-swearing streak?

BC: No. I’m pretty well-trained not to swear on the air.

RWD: Me too. Sober, at least. [Somewhere in the basement of KFAI there’s some tapes to contradict that.]

BC: That’s good. You never want to get a radio station fined or in more trouble than that over a simple lack of self-control. [Sometimes it’s not so simple.]

RWD: I have excellent self control. Especially at hockey games. I’m quiet, restrained, polite. A perfect lady. [Extremely long pause.] You have no comment on this.

Mrs. BC: He’s in the kitchen making Hunter’s lunch… Hi by the way.

RWD: Lol, I’m leaving this in.

[another pause]

BC: So no questions for me… loving wife who lives with the sports freak?

RWD: Hahah. Will this make Bruce more or less moody about games?

BC: I don’t think it will make a difference…. He’s always moody with his sports. He’s back now so I’ll hand it back to him.

RWD: I was just talking about my demeanor at games.

BC: I saw. You lied. [NEVER] It’s like me saying that I’ve never called out a ref for making a correct call just because I didn’t like the call.

RWD: I’m kind and gentle with the opponents.

BC: And I’m Nick Punto.

RWD: You wish.

BC: Actually, I’m probably a better hitter. (blindfolded) [What are you smoking??? I’ve never seen Bruce do anything athletic.]

RWD: What excites you most about this season? [Trying to get back to hockey…]

BC: I’m more like Prince Fielder, without the really baggy pants and the tattoo on my neck. And the prolific 40-home run power. [And the hypnotic jelly rolls around the middle] And the ability to charge into other teams’ locker rooms. [No, Bruce, don’t sell yourself short. I know you could do that one.]

RWD: Let’s talk about a team whose season isn’t OVER.

BC: The Brewers have like 10 games left, just like the Teasing Twins do.

RWD: I think I’ve seen that movie. [Bow-chicka-bow-bow!]

BC: Anyway, you were saying? [TEN MINUTES AGO]

RWD: What excites you most about this season?

BC: Same things that excite me about every season. Seeing the freshmen from last year get better and grow more consistent facial hair. [Some of them can only dream of that.] Watching new leaders step up. The concepts remain the same, but the names change. You know that there will be freshmen on this team that are ready to play before the others, and some will make a huge impact. No matter how last year went, hope always springs eternal when the season starts. When you’re coming off a league playoff title, there is more reason for hope.

RWD: Who are you going to profile first?

BC: I’ll probably do the usual and talk to the upperclassmen first. Especially the three who have the honor of serving as captains/assistant captains. [Well, that’s dumb. You just said you regretted not profiling the freshmen.]

RWD: Like Drew!

BC: Yes.

RWD: He’s on my fantasy team.

BC: Super.

RWD: So are Dylan Olsen, Jacky, and PBHj.

BC: That’s a biased team, but a good one. SHOCKING that JCon would be on your team.

RWD: I know! Such a good player. It’s not biased. Dirty has 5 Sioux guys. And this other idiot has 6.

BC: I would have drafted him just so I could hold it over your head until you offered me Jordan Schroeder and Patrick Wiercioch for him.

RWD: I don’t have Schroeder.

BC: Oh, yeah, you PASSED ON JORDAN SCHROEDER.

RWD: Not on purpose.

BC: That’s even worse. At least you could talk yourself into thinking it was a good idea if you did it on purpose.

RWD: I have a good team.

BC: Now you’re going to kick yourself in the head every time Schroeder scores a goal.

RWD: He’ll tear an ACL.

BC: Ha.

RWD: What’s your season prediction?

BC: I picked them 5th in a media poll conducted by folks in Madison. I’d offer up a link, but it hasn’t been published yet.

[pause]

BC: Eergh, I picked them 5th.

[pause]

BC: FOURTH.

RWD: So, 5th?

BC: Yes. Fourth. 5th. [What?]

RWD: Behind DU, UND, and UAA, right?

BC: 1. Denver; 2. UND; 3. Wisky; 4. UMD; 5. Minny; 6. SCSU; 7. CC; 8. UAA; 9. MSU; 10. MTU. I have Dylan Olsen as my Freshman/Rookie of the Year.

RWD: Bah! no! That’s terrible! My Jacky was picked as pre-season ROY.

BC: Jinx?

RWD: Are you ready for PEANUT BUTTER HJELLE TIME!!!?

BC: I wonder how many times I’m going to have to stop myself from saying “Stalock” during a game.

RWD: None.

BC: Can’t wait to watch Brady play.

RWD: Because you won’t get confused.

BC: I’m pretty easily confused.

RWD: Brady will actually be in the crease.

BC: What’s the crease?

[crickets]

RWD: A joke gone bad? [Yes. Leave it to the professionals, Bruce.]

BC: Like all of mine.

RWD: That’s what I was getting at.

BC: Oh, I have a million of them. Prepare for a season of ref taunts and bad jokes!

Hear that? Those are the groans of the Red Rocks managers realizing they’ve made a big mistake. (J/k, Bruce, as long as you keep calling the Mavs “MANKATO STATE” I’m with ya.)

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. 23 September 2009 11:55 am

    >Great stuff. This is exactly the kind of hard-hitting action I come to expect from you. If Bruce does do shower interviews maybe you can get a request in for exclusive photos.

  2. 23 September 2009 9:46 pm

    >Even though I'm in SoCal, glad to hear: Bruce Is Back. Bulldog fans rejoice!(But you might want to practice,"DENVER SCORES AGAIN!")

  3. 24 September 2009 10:21 pm

    >Congrats Bruce.

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