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>Goal Oriented

30 September 2009


Before we begin, as a public service announcement, please people. Never use the non-word “orientated.” EVER.

A few times when I was in school my teachers would have me write down my goals for the year at the start of the semester. When I was in elementary school it was suck up things like “Get everything right on my tests.” I succeeded. In junior high they were more sarcastic like “Don’t be stupid” or “get a boyfriend.” Again, success. In high school when I took the PSATs I wrote on my answer booklet (which I would get back after I got the results of my test a few months later) “If you don’t get National Merit honors, you might as well kill yourself.” And I’m alive, so, again, success!

I’m good at setting goals, as you can see. So, AS ALWAYS, I’m here to help tUMD players set some achievable goals for the season! Let’s go!

Drew Akins
Take only good penalties. I know you can’t resist, but please, either 1. prevent goals or 2. emasculate opponents when you take penalties. Make them useful!

Chase Ryan
Play in some games! Maybe just a couple. I would totally cheer so hard for you. Biddco would be overcome with glee.

Travis Oleksuk
Get a goal EARLY. I mean, I know you’re going to score a goal this season, many goals in fact, but get one the first game and get it over with. Then destroy all opponents.

Brady Hjelle
Make PBHjT a HUGE success by getting a shutout, or at the very LEAST, a win. No more of this tying LSSU to start the season. I WANT A WIN.

Jordan Fulton
Do what MacGregor Sharp did last year. You’re talented. You’re going to be on a great line, I’m pretty sure. And this is what’s known as a “contract year.” So have on. Beersong thinks you will.

Rob Bordson
End your exceptionally long pointless streak. And try not to look so sulky all the time.

Brady Lamb
Shoot the puck so hard it goes through the back of the net. Like Mike Eaves thought Tom Gorowsky did when Stalock fell down in that UW game. But Goro had just missed.

Mighty Midgets (Jacky, MCON, Wade Bergman, Huttel)
Play (as you three veterans always do) like you’re 10 feet tall and bullet proof. Jordan Baker told me it was great to be short. And he’s shorter than all of you!

Dan Delisle
Check someone so hard they fall into their own bench.

The rest of you? Uhhh… just do your best. Or even better. If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything*.

*That’s good advice, Marty.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. 30 September 2009 7:11 am

    >I heard "orientate" twice on the Telly today. One was some talking head on a news channel and the other was that total boob Bear Grylls who uses it multiple times during his WEAK survivaltainment show. That and ignorant politician's insistence on saying NEW-Q-LUR are conspiring to make my head explode. While I'm sure many wouldn't mind that eventuality, they should consider the poor buggers that would have to clean it up.

  2. 30 September 2009 11:54 am

    >I keep wanting to put as my work goals for the year as: get paid, don't lose job, work as little as possible. Other than those I don't have any other goals.That's what my true goals are, but for some reason work would probably have something against that. Then again I reject the whole idea of "careers".

  3. 30 September 2009 8:31 pm

    >Maybe you should comment about the great canadian players Fontaine and Mike Connelly since they will lead the power play and the point production on this team.

  4. 30 September 2009 9:39 pm

    >Of course they will! Mike Connolly is part of the Mighty Midget brigade, so he was covered. I couldn't think of a specific goal for Fontaine as I had already used up my MacGregor Sharp reference, and it doesn't really apply to Fontaine. If Fontaine "does his best" as was the generic goal for the rest of the team, UMD will be rock solid.

  5. 2 October 2009 3:24 am

    >I now know I'm in good company. Why did someone feel compelled to make up this non-word? Fingernails on the blackboard equals "orientating."


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