Why, hello there, everyone!
My name is Bobo (no, of course that’s not my real name, but in this age of technology, a lad can never be too careful) and I am part of the vast network of RWD correspondents in all corners of the world. I was enlisted by RWD as an arena reporter for the UMD-Providence games. As I am two and a half years old and my parents don’t like when I use their computers without asking (What? Maybe they shouldn’t have so many enticing-looking buttons to push), it took me awhile to get this column ready. Fortunately, my parents are frequently distracted by this baby, Genie (again, not his real name, just his street name) who arrived at our house a couple weeks ago. He seems to be squatting in our house for the time being, and he’s provided perfect cover for me to get at the computers in our house to bang out a column. (Of course, banging on the keyboard has gotten me in a little bit of trouble, but my journalistic integrity is more important than avoiding a time-out. I’ll suffer the consequences while in pursuit of a hot story.)
Tragically, I was only able to attend the Saturday game. No one else was going to the game; I wanted to drive myself, but our car isn’t equipped for the vertically challenged (this might be a violation of the ADA Act, I’m looking into it with my attorney), and it is a really long ride on the MBTA commuter rail and I’d have like three transfers. I don’t have any money, but that isn’t a problem because I can just walk under the turnstiles.
Many of you are thinking, How could a two year old kid sit through a whole hockey game? Including overtime? Without Elmo? Well, first of all, people, I’m two AND A HALF, that fraction is very important, and I don’t appreciate being stereotyped. Elmo is for babies like Genie. I prefer more mature forms of entertainment, like Carz. I attended the game with my grandparents and my aunt, a Providence College alumna, so it was an adult outing. No babies allowed. I was attentive and engaged throughout regulation and overtime, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. By the way, Bruce, thanks for the shout out. It was wicked awesome.
Since this article is so late, I don’t believe a game recap is necessary. There were some ill-advised penalties, and some defensive lapses, but it’s tough to get two wins on the road. I want to request the UMD athletic department make sure to schedule games in New England in the future. (I also need a buy-in from my parents and grandparents, as they not only kept me from seeing the Friday game, but also prevented me from making it to Bridgeport in March. They forced me to go to Florida! Where I am barred from using the swimming pool at my great-grandparents’ complex, as if I am some incontinent boor!) I enjoy covering these games for RWD, and I assume in the future Bruce Ciskie might enlist me as a commentator. As long as he doesn’t mind if I refer to all players, coaches, and assorted personnel as “dingos.”
Signing off for now,