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99 Luftballons

19 September 2016

…Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont

Wednesday the 21st is the Balloon Sale at tUMD Stores! And I am here to give them free advertising because I am a conspicuous consumer of Bulldog gear.

The balloon sale is not an opportunity to purchase balloons at a discount, but rather a chance to pop a balloon and receive a discount of 25%-80% on your purchase. One person gets their entire order free. Last year I was in the store when the free balloon was popped. Then I popped a 25% discount balloon of sadness.

If you’re struggling with what to buy, I have some suggestions, and asked some tUMD hockey celebrities to give the RWD Army their top picks for Bulldog gear. I think they actually sell more stuff in the stores than they show online, so it’s best to browse through the whole store for some impulse buys before leaving.

If money were no object, I’d go for this jacket, probably not in white, even though it looks so crisp!

Mr. RWD has been carrying around the same broken travel mug for several years, so perhaps it’s time for him to get a new one. There are several other style of mug, but I like this one best.

Since I graduated from tUMD last December, I should probably advertise that on my Christmas tree. I would like this better if the ornament said “alumna.”

“I’m partial to the skating Bulldog hoodie,” says tUMD men’s hockey vox Bruce Ciskie. And why not? It’s snazzy, especially that maroon-lined hood, and it has a nice lace-up detail.

Bruce’s son, Hunter, youth hockey and lacrosse double threat, tells us that as a hip young person, he would choose these shorts. I will trust in his knowledge of fashion trends, since this is me:
It could be worse, I could be…

Road trip warrior and RWD Army General Biddco will be keeping warm this fall with this jacket:

His sales pitch: “Are you a passionate Bulldog fan? Have you seen other fan bases wear team logo jackets and want one? But you don’t want to wear leather in public and can’t grow a mullet? Well, this jacket is for you. A beautiful maroon color with gold Bulldog Head (as it was meant to be) and BULLDOGS printed on the back. This is a must have for any fan who wants to stay warm come winter.” I will also note that Biddco is an enabler, as I was going to try to avoid the balloon sale, but he has given me authority to act as his proxy in all tUMD gear related transactions.

Ben, proprietor of @umdhockeygifs, suggests this hat. Ben says “you can never have too many hats and every fan should be prepared for a hat trick.” Considering the embarrassing trickle of hats one usually sees after a tUMD hat trick, I would be taking Ben’s advice if I were you. If the hat is 80% off, you won’t feel so badly about chucking it onto the ice.

And finally, if you would like to be murdered by a mob, I would suggest purchasing a pair of these and bringing them to all hockey games: home, away, neutral, pro, college, youth, pickup, pond, field, roller, or otherwise.
These look a little like the toes from Double Dare obstacle courses of yore. I spent 3 minutes doing a Google search for an image, but all I could come up with was the nose from Pick It! and the ear from In One Ear. Ewwww.

I predict a 1000% growth in sales due to this post alone. Sorry in advance if the Slap-n-Clap is sold out before you could get there!

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