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Hockeypolitik

23 January 2017

tUMD 5, BSU 1/tUMD 2, BSU 2 (SOL)
tUMD 5, FHAWKS 3/tUMD 4, FHAWKS Trump’s IQ

tUMD women started out great, with an absolute thumping of the defensively stifling and horrifically boring Beavers. Lara Stalder, queen, had a hat trick on Friday. Thank you Shannon Miller & staff for recruiting this woman – we are lucky to have her on the team! Unfortunately, tDogs could not pick up the sweep as Bemidji scored with less than 5 minutes remaining, and then scored 2 goals to our none in the shootout.

As for the men…

Look, we are living in a dystopian nightmare right now, which officially began on Friday, but which has been a specter over our lives for months now. And no, that’s not the last you’re going to hear about it, and no, I do not care if you unfollow/stop reading, although listening to me might teach you a few things about being a decent human being.

There’s probably no one more representative of the worst of the people who brought this nightmare upon us than the stereotypical North Dakota fan. A person who yells “SIOUX YEAH YEAH” and thinks that honors Dakota people. A person who attends hockey games at a gauche, vulgarian arena built by a Nazi. A person who goes onto the UND fan forum and makes dog whistle posts in a thread called “Fargo is the new Detroit” about the scourge of Lutheran Social Services. A person who whines about how badly they suffered under “Barry Obummer” but they “didn’t complain,” so now we should shut up and submit to the fascist dictator demanding we heap praise upon him, or else. (Note: some of my best friends are UND fans, not all UND fans, etc etc etc.)

Of course it also doesn’t help that their captain, Gage Ausmus, was incredibly disrespectful to a college hockey reporter (and woman of color) who asked him to consider the impact his overt Trumplove had on others.

So, while fully aware that 1. many UMD players are also Trumplovers and 2. many UMD fans are also Trumplovers, I really wanted UND to lose. Like, I personally wanted them to lose, because it would make me feel slightly better about the awfulness of Inauguration Day (which is now re-named as some kind of Mussolini-esque holiday). I usually have a low-level buzz of annoyance for UND fans due to their singular, maniacal obsession with their team, inferiority complex over being from a state of no importance, and of course, the stuff I already talked about a couple paragraphs ago. I just really, really needed North Dakota to lose.

And UMD obliged, sweeping their first four game season series with North Dakota ever. And that schadenfreude was so delicious, my friends. Even though it was all made up in my head and made no difference in the state of the world, even though it is totally stupid and petty and makes me look like a total idiot. I do not care. I relished those victories and I rejoiced in the defeat of my enemies. All those sad angry dudebros and “forgotten men and women” who enabled the monster in the White House and who tie their self-esteem and self-worth to a college hockey team drove home unhappy.

Then I went back to planning how I am going to work toward defeating fascism, because even dual national championships from tUMD men and women in 2017 won’t actual affect any real change.

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