>The Gauntlet: Nothing Nice To Say Edition
>This week, in a highly anticipated (relatively speaking) edition of The Gauntlet, RWD interviews Negative Nellie “Boosh” of The Boosh Factor, which has the most annoying URL in the history of the world. I hesitate to call Boosh a MTU “fan” because… well, you’ll see.
RWD: Please refrain from speaking in the third person during this interview. [Or listening to ska.]
Boosh: I didn’t plan on it. Are ‘t’s fair game?
RWD: They are encouraged. Preferrably only at the beginning of words, and not randomly inserted in the middle.
Boosh: Of course. Wayne Gretzky is pissed. [He also hates the small t?]
RWD: That’s tragic, but irrelevant.
Boosh: He’s been using naughty words on TV.
RWD: Any obscene gestures?
Boosh: No, just a few mouthed “[fornicate] you”s. He’s no Dave Hakstol. [Ah, now he’s setting up his own jokes!]
RWD: I guess that’s what separates college hockey from the pros. Restraint. [AHEM*JUTTZ*AHEM]
Boosh: Haky and I are good friends.
RWD: I heard about that!
Boosh: Yeah. Interesting story.
RWD: Our readers are dying to know.
Boosh: Hakstol was actually pretty nice; Dane Jackson is a little [female dog] though. Basically, Hakstol was a whiny [female dog] because his Suzies got beat by the big mean Huskies on Friday night. Before warmups on Saturday, I yelled a comment offering Hakstol a tissue in an extremely quiet arena [Mariucci?] while he was conversing with Jackson on the bench. He gave me a death stare, and a few minutes later, he was still staring at me, so I waved and he motioned me over to the Sue bench. I obliged, and was met by Jackson halfway there, and he shoved me and told me to “go sit the f down and be an f-ing gentleman and have some f-ing class.” [That’s some good advice right there.]
RWD: Didn’t you know? The Sioux are the class of tWCHA? Their fans can tell you exactly what is and is not classy in every situation.
Boosh: I hate that word.
RWD: You should seek their advice. Goon could be your own personal Maharishi. [R.I.P.]
Boosh: Goon is an interesting character. I’m not sure if he is a Sioux fan or a closet Mavs fan. It gets better. So instead of [sitting the f down], I waited a bit, then went down and talked to Hakstol about me being obnoxious, and didn’t really get anywhere [Imagine that!], so I wished him luck and departed. As I was heading back to my seat, Kyle Radke and Jake Marto met me in between, apparently having witnessed all this in the pressbox. Radke shoved me and told me that if I had a problem with his coach I’d have to deal with him. So instead of coming up with something witty to get him to hit me, I just shook my head and walked around him and then we got annihilated in the game and some of our other Misfits apparently shared some words with an evil Hakstol [as opposed to the angelic one that had been present earlier?] at the end of the game. It was a real cluster[fornicate]. Then I brought it up on my blog and all the level-headed Sioux fans wet their pants like they do about anything that isn’t them winning NCAA championships. Good times. Kyle Radke has a mancrush on me though, I could tell.
RWD: You forgot part of your story.
Boosh: What part?
RWD: You forgot about Rob Green’s “I Have A Dream” speech. [Rob Green had a dream that one day, all the healthy scratch hockey players and all the smart-mouthed fans in this world could walk hand in hand into the sunset.]
Boosh: Heh. I did not endorse that speech
RWD: Nor did you spell-check it.
Boosh: He had good intentions. I think MEg complains enough about his spelling
RWD: No, I disagree. It will be enough when the bad spelling ceases.
Boosh: I’ll see what I can do for you. Not my blog though.
RWD: I noticed that. One day you were posting there… the next day, not. What happened?
Boosh: MEg was upset about my [female dog]ing. Apparently my hatred for tOshie was too much for her blog, so I just gave up and went into hiding for a while. Then I got tired of not complaining, so I started up my own.
RWD: After fleeing all the way to Wisconsin.
Boosh: It’s a good place to flee to.
RWD: Isn’t there a non-extradition clause there? [Are there any laws in Wisconsin?]
Boosh: I don’t remember the specifics so I can’t comment directly [Paint thinner kills brain cells! Stay out of Wisconsin!]. I may have still been up here when I canned myself, so I guess that would work out.
RWD: Well, why start another blog if you couldn’t hack it there?
Boosh: I could hack it, just not to her standards. I tend to be more critical than she likes to be, especially of tHuskies. [God save the soul of anyone who insults Reel Big Fish to her.]
RWD: And why would you choose the most annoying name ever for a blog?
Boosh: Because I’m terribly uncreative. I could have called it ‘RunninWithtHuskies’
RWD: Well, RWtD is a plagiarized name to begin with.
Boosh: Double plagiarism might get me in trouble then. I wouldn’t want to risk it. If you haven’t been able to tell, I don’t put a whole ton of effort into the blogging [I just died from the shock!], so a marginal title is ok.
RWD: It is not a marginal title. No one ever said that. I said it was the most annoying name EVER, which is like 100000000 times worse than marginal.
Boosh: You sound a lot like Dirty.
RWD: Well the gloves are coming off now. [:::puts on the foil:::]
Boosh: It’s a good thing I don’t have those tender feelings, just make sure you don’t scratch me like Steve Downie. So are you saying that you fight like Dirty?
RWD: No. I’m saying you insulted me for saying I sounded like Dirty.
Boosh: I figured it would be. I have to stand my ground though.
RWD: So, back to blogging. Does it make you feel like a big man to be critical of the team?
Boosh: According to the Sioux fans. It’s more venting for me. [So, does it make you feel like a big man to vent?]
RWD: Even if they cry themselves to sleep over the awful things you say?
Boosh: If they cry themselves to sleep over the things I say, their play may have changed a little over the past few months. [I disagree. They might be crying too much to make changes. Or they might be too bitter.]
RWD: Ohh, stone cold
Boosh: I’m a terrible, heartless person
RWD: Along those lines, I have a reader submitted question.
Boosh: Shoot.
RWD: Why are you so whiny?
Boosh: Is that a Dirty-submitted question? Or Ciskie? [I’ll never reveal my sources!] Whininess is easier than doing something about what I’m whining about. And I’m lazy. [Not lazy enough to avoid redundancy!] I’m also terribly negative, or so I’ve been told.
RWD: I hope you responded with “I’m not negative!”
Boosh: I’ve come to accept that fact, I don’t try to argue anymore. [I made an embarrassing scientific mistake here, which I will not reproduce.]
RWD: Exactly what aspects of the Huskies are you so upset about?
Boosh: The fact that they don’t shoot quickly through open lanes on the powerplay. There must be a 5-pass limit before they shoot, or else a 5 second wait before taking shots. [Okay, I like to see shots on the power play, but I don’t like it when people indiscriminately yell SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!] And the fact that (a lot of them) seemingly don’t skate with any sort of fire or motivation. And the fact that we can’t beat ‘crappy’ teams.
RWD: Wow, tell them how you really feel. Did you know that, unlike your blog, Tech players might actually read mine and see this?
Boosh: I guess I’m in trouble then. I’m willing to take that risk though. My feelings don’t apply to all the guys, but it’s the older ones that seem to do it more because their job is pretty much guaranteed. [Wow, it’s like talking to a Sioux fan during the first half of the season with all the negativity.]
RWD: So do you like any players? [Srsly!]
Boosh: Yes. Derek Kitti is awesome. He’s technically the only one I’ve met too. He’s a great guy and works his ass off since he hasn’t really gotten a lot of playing time. 3 consecutive starts in the last 3 games. 1st line starts. And no one could hate tTeslak.
RWD: What’s your record in those 3 starts?
Boosh: Not good. He did tie the UAA game though (the Saturday one) so I guess we’re 0-1-2.
RWD: Hey, for you guys, that’s a great record!
Boosh: A pretty good record for tDogs last year too. Or was it two years ago? Though we have sucked for longer. You sound like an upper-middle-aged BADger or Gopher fan [i.e. a cougar!!] trying to get me to shut up because they have more NCAA titles.
RWD: tDogs do not suck AND we have no national titles. Other than Derek Kitti and MLT, do you like any other Huskies?
Boosh: I like all of them; I’d just like them more if they showed up every weekend. [I know my ‘Dogs are happy to know that I have nearly unconditional love for them. Note I did say NEARLY.] I do like Malcolm Gwilliam too. Not sure why, he isn’t that good [which is a great reason to like a player], but he does hit hard and has his moments.
RWD: What about players around tWCHA? Any favorites on other teams?
Boosh: Ryan Flynn.
RWD: I know you’re a big TJ Oshie supporter.
Boosh: I’m a big Ryan Flynn supporter because he beat up tOshie and he gave me a puck and forgave me for stalking him in person because he’s that cool. [To stalk is human; to forgive, divine.]
RWD: Weird. Maybe you should just become a Gopher fan, since evidently tHuskies aren’t stalkworthy.
Boosh: I’ve considered it. Once Doug Woog goes away, maybe [What? Woog is hilarious!]. Flynn just got stalked because he gave me a puck and accepted my Facebook friendship, so I wanted the puck signed.
RWD: So how do you feel about your own coach?
Boosh: He’s a bit too defensive at times, but I’d rather have him than a guy like Bob Motzko. I hate [female dog]y coaches. I wish he’d be more vocal about the motivation I complain about, and play some of the young guys. [Well, call up Suzanne Sanregret and get Jamie fired! Clearly without Boosh behind the bench, the Huskies will never get out of the middle/bottom of tWCHA!]
RWD: So who’s the hottest Husky?
Boosh: Hot by your standards? [Um, no, that’s well-established. Plus, why would I ask someone else for my own opinion?]
RWD: I mean attractive. I’m sure you may have different standards than my own.
Boosh: I don’t often think about which Husky I am most attracted to.
RWD: It’s an easy choice, I’m sure.
Boosh: So you essentially just want me to say Robby. He does have a really hot family. His mom and sister are pretty hot, and his dad fits the family image.
RWD: I want you to say the truth. You can say whatever is in your heart.
Boosh: Nothing is in my heart. I told you, I’m heartless.
RWD: Listen, that is my shtick, and I was here first.
Boosh: Yes ma’am.
RWD: How are you going to survive after tDogs sweep you guys out of your own rink this weekend?
Boosh: Well, we gave up 3 points to UAA and 3 points to tDogs already, so I guess I expect it. If we lose bad enough, I might become a tDog fan [that’s actually a misuse of the small t]. I’d rather see them win anything over tSioux and tGophers [I would concur wholeheartedly. If I only had a heart.]. I am a closet BADger fan though.
RWD: Well, you’re not in the closet anymore! [That should make Radke happy!]
Boosh: Nope. You could include a picture of a rainbow-colored badger or something along with that.
RWD: I… don’t put that much work into this site.
Boosh: [MEg] is upset that we are going off on tangents. I’m not supposed to fight you.
RWD: You are SUPPOSED to SUBMIT.
Boosh: She did call you the Gauntlet dominatrix. I submit to thee.
RWD: That’s hot. I’m leaving that in.
Boosh: Good.
RWD: So, how about a weekend prediction?
Boosh: I’d say another 3 points for tDogs. We’ll blow it Friday, then eke out a tie Saturday.
Let that be a lesson, folks. You must obey tGauntlet Dominatrix.
>The Highest Form Of Flattery
>Even though I’ve had the link in my sidebar for a few weeks now, I thought I would make a little post to introduce tUMD’s latest blog, Kevin Pates’s Rink and Run. Pates is tUMD’s hockey beat writer, and has more factual information in one post than you will find on RWD in its entirety. Granted, you won’t find ingenious humor and vast creativity over on his site, but we both have our niches to fill. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before Kevin adds RWD to his list of “Blogs I Read,” since why wouldn’t he? I mean, obviously he got the idea to start a blog from the vast success of this site.
This also weakens Bruce Ciskie’s arguments for why I should not be his in-studio guest during tUMD vs. UND on 2 March.
>The Grim
>
It’s disturbing how much I actually look like Professor Trelawny, but let’s hope that my predictions for this week’s games actually come true. Or, at the very least, they horribly offend someone.
>Today
>tUMD 2, Even Dirtier Commie Hacks 1
I’m so happy! I’m exhilarated! An OT WIN!!!
I missed a lot of the game because DA decided to have his annual sailing get-together on a GAME SATURDAY even though there is a perfectly good OFF SATURDAY coming up just one week from today. We had it on the TV in the basement, but there were shenanigans to participate in (in which TEAM CURRY came in dead last, but what can ya do?), so I had to keep running downstairs. UMDDogz, The Aaaahj and I were there for both goals, and there was much rejoicing when we won in OT.
3 on 3 hockey is pretty awesome.
I don’t think I give enough props to Alex Stalock, but the simple fact is, there are not enough props in this world to give him all he deserves.
THE NUMBERS
Wins Until We Surpass Last Year’s Total: 1! (8th in the PWR!)
Points Until We Surpass Last Year’s Total: 1! (We’re comin’! We’re comin’!)
My Guys:
MacGregor Sharp: 14! (Pulling into the lead!)
Matt McKnight: 13 (Sadly out sick!)
Michael Gergen: 12 (Hit a pipe! And I don’t mean a crackpipe like Frazee!)
Mike Curry: 3! (OTGWG ASSIST! GENIUS!!!)
Freshmen:
Justin Fontaine: 9
Kyle Schmidt: 7
Cody Danberg: 6
Rob Bordson: 4
Evan Oberg: 2! (SHG!)
Mike Montgomery: 1
Chad Huttel: 1
On Notice:
Points
Josh Meyers
Jay Cascalenda
Justin Fontaine
Goals only
Michael Gergen
Drew Akins
Evan Oberg
Cody Danberg
MacGregor Sharp
Nick Kemp
Matt Greer
Alex Stalock
Mike Curry
>Yesterday
>I wrote this entry in class this morning, while I was waiting for the rest of the class to finish taking their midterms. I’m a very fast test-taker.
tUMD 1, Dirty Hacks 3
Obviously, I’m dissatisfied with the outcome of last night’s game. I mean, duh, we lost, that’s never a fantastic thing. I hate giving up empty net goals; they’re so demoralizing, especially when they come with so much time left in the game.
The real loss of the game, however, is the Very Handsome Jason Garrison. He allegedly has a broken leg and will allegedly be out for the rest of the season (Pates says so, but Sandy won’t confirm), and I’m very sad. He’s obviously an integral part of the team and one of our top 3 defencemen. The circumstances of the injury seemed a little strange, as it appeared Patrick Johnson smashed him from behind into the boards (at least, that was the audible reaction of Justin May, Renaissance Man) right after he lost an edge. Bruce goes on about it over on his site, so whatever, I don’t need to repeat him. At any rate, we will miss his presence. DA pointed out perhaps a different defenceman would have been more expendable, because we’d have about three less penalties a game, but I think the whole D-corps responded nicely to their hardship and didn’t take any interference penalties or anything. This is certainly a golden opportunity for Chase “Put Me In Coach!” Ryan or Chad “I Overstated My Height On The Roster” Huttel to step into a more regular role. What this means for Garrison, Gawryletz, and Montgomery’s band is unknown. It all depends on if he is the drummer or not. If he’s a guitarist, it’s cool, because he can sit down and sing soulful ballads. I hope they write a song about me, and it’s not derogatory.
I have to applaud Sandelin for taking such a huge risk by pulling Stalock with so much time left in the game, during a stoppage in play. It showed a lot of confidence in our guys, and especially in My Guy MacGregor Sharp, who won the face-off and gave us control of the puck. We had possession for quite awhile and some great chances before Wisconsin got control and scored their empty net goal.
The lone goal in the game came from Travis Gawryletz on the power play, which must have meant the moon was in the seventh house and Jupiter aligned with Mars. It was an awesome goal that I’m sure many other guys were jealous of: he was all alone on the backdoor and lifted the puck over Connelly’s leg. I saw this because the game was randomly televised here in the Cities. I am so pleased to take TG Off Notice for the first time this season!
Other exciting news: Mike Curry returned to the lineup after a long absence due to injury!
>The Gauntlet: Last Rites Edition
>This week, RWD offers extreme unction to Badger Backer, blogger over at The Wisconsin Hockey Blog, which is just being kept comfortable with morphine at this point.
RWD: Let’s begin with a thorough dissection of last weekend. Did you think you guys would be able to take three points from the Gophers?
BB: Yes. The Gophers just aren’t as explosive this year as in past seasons. Looking at the records, it seemed like an evenly matched series, and it was. This year was the first time in a while that the Badgers seemed equally dangerous on offense.
RWD: That’s a bold statement right there. I mean, “Badgers” and “offense” are rarely used in a sentence together. Unless to say “Wisconsin Badgers players committed a major offense against a tent.”
BB: Ha. Well, I think the Badgers get sort of a bad rap for their offense. They were tied for third in the league in scoring in 2005-06 and were 4th in the league in 2004-05. [Way to look that one up, Sparky. Unless you knew that off the top of your head, which would be ultra-nerdy. It reminds me of a quotation from the Simpsons I heard the other day: “That’s E-3 if you’re keeping score at home. And if you are, your loneliness saddens me.”]
RWD: Do you think it makes Bucky nervous that Eaves uses a “trap” system? [EXTREMELY LONG PAUSE]
BB: No, I think it makes Bucky successful. You’d be hard pressed to find a team at any level of hockey these days that doesn’t use the trap at least some of the time. It’s become somewhat of a dirty word, but the numbers show that the Badgers have had some success offensively, and certainly play an open enough style that the fans are excited. Most of the criticism comes from outside of the Badger ranks, from opponents that are tired of seeing lock down defense in the neutral zone, good goaltending, and solid shot blocking. [Really, because how dare a team play their own system instead of playing the other team’s game?]
RWD: I meant Buckingham T. Badger personally. Do you think he is nervous about a “trap?” Like he might be skinned and have his pelt sold at a trading post in Mile 40, Saskatchewan? [The future home of me and Mr. Evan Schwabe.]
BB: Bucky is too much of a celebrity for that. He finished 2nd in the national mascot contest. [To what? Mr. Peanut?]
RWD: Don’t you think the people who complain about the trap are just a bunch of whiners who are mad that other teams don’t just bow down to their greatness coughNORTH DAKOTA FANScough?
BB: Yes. Minnesota fans too.
RWD: Because really, if you’re a good team, you’ll find a way to beat any system, am I right?
BB: I agree. Plus I think I noticed some trapping from the guys wearing maroon and gold last weekend anyway. [Who, UMD? What? Oh… the other maroon and gold.]
RWD: Hah, or against Wayne St. [as Donald pointed out]. Who’s a bigger rival for the Gophers: Wisconsin or UND?
BB: Wisconsin, even though our record against them isn’t great. [FHG disagrees, but he’s a tUMD fan.] It’s a Big Ten rivalry that transcends all sports. [I wouldn’t say it’s simply a Big Ten rivalry, but it certainly is transcendent.] Plus given how badly we’ve destroyed them at football and basketball the last few years, hockey’s basically all they’ve got left. 1-11. [That last part must be a communique to some Communist Party leader.]
RWD: Oh man, they’ll be crying from Fargo to Williston.
BB: I am impressed with your knowledge of North Dakota geography.
RWD: It’s not really all that difficult. I already named half the cities. [In 5th grade, I won the geography bee, which was actually just a written test, and it was mistakenly attributed to another person, who had a huge crush on me. He was a huge freak.]
BB: In fairness, though, I don’t think there’s too much love for UND in Fargo.
RWD: Dirty lives in Fargo. Case closed.
BB: Go Bison. [Go banana!]
RWD: So did you watch FSNN or FSNW this past weekend?
BB: FSNN.
RWD: Did you miss Sagissor’s lovely face? [I wonder why they didn’t do their little FSNN/FSNW collaboration again this year? Anyone got any dirt on that?]
BB: I missed hearing his extremely insightful comments about the game of hockey.
RWD: Whom do you prefer: Sagissor or Mazocco?
BB: Well, Sags is a color guy and Maz does play by play. I think both of them are homers, so I’ll go with Sags because he’s a homer for my side.
RWD: Bruckler or Elliott?
BB: Elliott.
RWD: Lenin or Trotsky?
BB: Lenin.
RWD: Aha! Why are Wisconsin fans so offended when I correctly refer to them as Commies?
BB: I don’t know why they’d be offended; I think it’s a pretty unoriginal insult. [I would disagree. “You suck” is unoriginal.]
RWD: I felt like I’ve made some creative uses of it.
BB: Hey, if it works, go with it.
RWD: I guess I wouldn’t say Mike Eaves is a commie. He’s more of a megalomaniac. [KMFDM, anyone?]
BB: I don’t actually know anything about Eaves’ personality. He scored 267 career points at UW and won titles as a player and a coach. Whatever kind of ego he’s got probably isn’t totally delusional.
RWD: So he’s never physically assaulted you?
BB: Nope, only Alex Leavitt. [That we KNOW of!]
RWD: There’s time. I notice his sons weren’t interested in playing for him.
BB: Well, Ben Eaves was already playing for BC when Eaves took over as coach at UW, and Patrick Eaves went to play with his brother. [Uh…]
RWD: Wow, I don’t even have to go too far out of context to make a joke out of that.
BB: Yeah it was unfortunate wording.
RWD: So you spent several years as a member of the WCHA’s most storied student section. What sort of exciting flair did you wear at games? [I hope at least 17 pieces!]
BB: Four years. I graduated on time. [Underwater basketweaving is the way to go!] Not much, [Oooh, sexy!] I wore Crease Creatures t-shirts, which they gave out for free. I also usually wore a Badgers stocking cap and “Solar Shield” sunglasses, which are large sunglasses usually worn by elderly persons. [Not Blu Blockers?]
RWD: Wow, so no pants or anything. Sounds like a Wisconsinite for sure!
BB: The sunglasses broke after I stepped on them celebrating a goal. I continued to wear them with one ear holder broken. [Somebody give this man a medal! He wore broken sunglasses! What a sacrifice!]
RWD: Are those the ones that have the huge side blockers, too?
BB: Oh yeah. Also, they fell off so many times during “Hot Time” that they got kind of scratched and it became hard to see through them, but tradition is tradition. [And they were scratched, too? Well, if you tell me they were also not your prescription, I think that’s the third miracle that would qualify you for sainthood!]
RWD: It seems like “tradition” might be more important than “knowing about hockey” in the student section.
BB: I certainly hope so. [Your prayers have been answered.] Badger fans know about hockey, but we also know how to have a good time. Fans are supposed to be FANS. They’re supposed to cheer for their team, and be pumped up to be there, and have a good time. We have a long tradition from the Coliseum to the Kohl Center of having pumped up, excited, fun loving fans that know the traditions and the dances. I think it’s good to know a lot about hockey, but it isn’t a class where you go to sit silently and observe the game. We get our money’s worth. Additionally, a lot of the cheers are tied to specific events in the game. If you don’t know anything about what’s going on, you can’t participate. [Damn you and your double space bar after each period!]
RWD: Yeah, that cheer about a delayed offsides is a real show-stopper.
BB: We don’t have one for that. Maybe someday.
RWD: Any good stories for the folks out there in TV land?
BB: Of being in the student section?
RWD: Or just your glory days in general. Make like Bruce Springsteen and reminisce. [That was so High Fidelity of me.]
BB: Well, one of my favorite stories is from the playoff series against Alaska at the Coliseum. Don Adam was officiating the series and had been on the bad side of the fans. On the Sunday game, Shepard officiated the game. I’m not sure if that’s WCHA policy or if they just decided they had to pull Adam off the game because a riot might happen.
RWD: It is WCHA policy. [Don’t think you’re so special, buddy.]
BB: That’s what I thought, but it did prevent a riot. Anyway, after the game we’re walking out, and the way the Coliseum is set up, the refs are hanging out right next to the exit. My friend yells at Shepherd, “Hey Shepherd, good job tonight, not like Adam, he’s a bitch.” And Shepherd turns around and says, “That’s funny, because last time I was here, I sucked.”
RWD: I’m sure there was a protest filed by Wisconsin in regards to both refs.
BB: Well, they probably deserved it.
RWD: Do you feel like you missed out since Wisconsin won their NC after you graduated?
BB: Maybe a little. I went to the national title game, and saw it in person, so that dulled some of the pain.
RWD: It’s just not the same.
BB: Obviously given that I sat through the horror which was the 02-03 season, I would have liked the payoff before I graduated.
RWD: So why aren’t you blogging anymore?
BB: It actually takes suprisingly more time than you’d think. [I raised my eyebrow here.] So, it’s a little bit of burnout. When I wasn’t having as much fun writing any more, I decided it was time to stop. It’s nice to be able to watch the games or read about them without having to write down my thoughts, and although I enjoyed blogging for the time that I did it, I don’t regret stopping. Maybe I’ll be back some day. [APPRECIATE ALL I DO FOR YOU, PEOPLE! BUY ME SHOTS!]
RWD: It doesn’t take more time than I would think. Considering that I’ve been doing it for 4 seasons.
BB: Okay. It takes more time than I thought it would.
RWD: Damn straight. Do you have any favorites on the current squad?
BB: I’ve never really been the kind of person that picks favorite players, but Kyle Turris is an exciting player who can score at any time, and I’m glad to see Ben Street having a nice season and Blake Geoffrion bouncing back from last year. Patrick Johnson is also a favorite given his two goals against Minnesota on Sunday. [Who?]
RWD: So you don’t have any all-time favorites?
BB: Well, all Badger fans love Mark Johnson. Brian Elliott may also be in that pantheon one day with his Hobey nomination and national title win.
RWD: That’s it? You don’t like any other Badgers? No one made your little heart go pitter-pat?
BB: I like the whole team. I don’t really pick favorites. I like whoever is contributing as best they can and playing well. [He’s a fickle guy.]
RWD: You’ll make a good mini-mite coach one day.
BB: I also like Sara Bauer; she was fun to watch on the women’s side. I always wondered how she’s stack up in the men’s game.
RWD: And who is the hottest Badger this year?
BB: That’s for you to decide.
RWD: False!
BB: You left us totally off last year if I remember right. [It’s not the freaking All-Star Game. There doesn’t have to be a pity pick from each team!]
RWD: It’s not my fault there’s a bunch of uggos. Maybe there will be a hott freshman. Eaves always looks sharp on the bench, in a Won’t You Be My Neighbor? sort of way. [I’m sure he zips into a cardigan when he goes home at night and ties on some crisp sneakers.]
BB: Ha. Well, I’ll reserve judgment and hope one of the freshmen can make a run this year.
RWD: It doesn’t look good. Rumour has it that you’re also a hottie. The ladies want to know if there’s a Mrs. BB.
BB: Thanks for the compliment. [Don’t get used to it.] No, there’s not a Mrs. BB.
RWD: !!!!! Exciting news, gals! [What if BB and someone found love because of RWD. It would certainly be a first, usually people find hate here.] I assume any potential woman must enjoy drinking PBR and eating cheese.
BB: Miller Lite. I do enjoy cheese.
RWD: Wow, that’s shocking.
BB: Not to mention cheese of the curded and deep fried variety.
RWD: Yum. [I had some cajun cheese curds at the Taste of Minnesota that changed my life.] So I heard on the street there’s a hockey series this weekend.
BB: Pretty exciting. Battle for 4th place. Maybe get over .500. [Way to get the party started.]
RWD: We are over .500.
BB: In the conference.
RWD: We like to tie. We’re making our case for the shoot-out.
BB: I like ties. Shoot-outs are so NHL.
RWD: Imagine that. A Wisconsin fan saying “I like ties.”
BB: I think a relatively good management strategy is to not do anything the NHL does.
RWD: Got any advice for Bulldogs fans visiting Madison? Where should they eat?
BB: I think they should go to Dotty’s to eat. It’s near the stadium but it fills up fast so you have to get there early. They make good hamburgers.
RWD: And where should we drink to our victories? [Two, to be exact!]
BB: The Church Key. Best bar in Madison, stiff drinks, nice staff, and it’s nice now ever since they remodeled it.
RWD: And then when they absolutely need something greasy as heck to eat at 2 am?
BB: If you want a kind of different place, there’s a dumpling restaurant called Pelmeni on State Street that is good. I’m not 100% sure they’re still open at bar time, but I’d imagine that they are. Ian’s Pizza is the most popular, and there are two locations now.
RWD: Excellent. Who’s going to have 4th place after this weekend?
BB: The Badgers. I like you, RWD, [well thanks, babe!] but when it comes down to Badgers vs. Dogs, I’ve gotta go with the Badgers.
RWD: Really? Even in a fight between two actual animals?
BB: Badgers are pretty vicious. They’ll claw your face off.
RWD: So will I, but I didn’t hear you picking me as a winner.
BB: The Badgers used to have a live mascot. It escaped and attacked people, so now we have a human mascot.
RWD: Hah, way to go. [Now Bucky is the one getting attacked by Cro-Magnon Finley. The winds of change have blown through Madison.] So what’s your weekend prediction?
BB: 3 points to Wisconsin
RWD: Score?
BB: Friday 4-2, Saturday 2-2 I never get those right.
RWD: Excellent. 4 points UMD!
>Pulling A Fast One
>tUMD 1, UM-L 0 and tUMD 4, UM-L 1
I know I’m being lazy, but there will be a nice recap coming tomorrow, plus a little All-Star fun, AND there’s going to be a Gauntlet this week! All that and much more shenanigans, because a SWEEP really deserves my best effort, and that’s just not what I’m prepared to give at this moment, especially when my computer has about 4% battery left. Quick numbers update and then my computer and I are off to sleep.
THE NUMBERS
Wins Until We Surpass Last Year’s Total: 2 (NC, but a win over a ranked opponent puts us higher in the PWR!)
Points Until We Surpass Last Year’s Total: 3
My Guys:
Matt McKnight: 13!
MacGregor Sharp: 13!
Michael Gergen: 12!
Mike Curry: 2
Freshmen:
Justin Fontaine: 9!
Kyle Schmidt: 7!
Cody Danberg: 6
Rob Bordson: 4!
Mike Montgomery: 1
Chad Huttel: 1
Evan Oberg: 1
On Notice:
Points
Alex Stalock
Mike Curry
Travis Gawryletz
Josh Meyers
Jordan Fulton
Goals only
Michael Gergen
Jay Cascalenda
Drew Akins
Evan Oberg
Cody Danberg
MacGregor Sharp
Nick Kemp
Matt Greer
>Awesome
>Okay, I don’t normally check the official tUMD hockey site, but I always like to see the player profiles. Not that they ask particularly probing questions, and not that anyone EVER says that RWD is their favorite site, but still, I like to see if I can get any more stalking information.
However, it is important to note that in the most recent player profile, Jason Garrison mentions that his favorite college course is PHYSICS. That should be EVERYONE’S FAVORITE COURSE. He also mentions his favorite pastime is vacuuming; physics probably helped him take vacuuming to a new level.
Also, despite only 1 point on the weekend, tStalock was named tWCHAPOTW. BRING BACK THE SUPERFANS!
>Golden Tickets
>tUMD 1, UMTC 2
Sigh. I knew this would happen. See, a little over a week and a half ago, I made a deal about some tickets, and I popped them in the mail, along with a note: “I hope these tickets are lucky for you,” along with some other garbage about how if they weren’t, I hoped we won Saturday.
The tickets never made it. We barely scraped by with a point. Conclusion? THOSE WERE LUCKY TICKETS. DARN YOU POSTAL SERVICE FOR RUINING OUR WEEKEND!
tBeersong might have jinxed me, too. In the CC before the game, he asked if I was going to bring good luck to the team. Sadness.
I made it up for the game Saturday, ridin’ solo. A “friend’ helped me find someone to relieve me of my spare ticket, although that “someone” was a Gopher fan. I braced myself, but there was no need. There are actually Gopher fans out there who can cheer for their team AND be respectful AND carry on a good conversation for the entire game AND offer to buy me many, many drinks (I didn’t cash in; I drove home after the game). We were even allegedly on TV, plus we got to see some dude in the row in front of us passed out asleep in the first period. Seriously, dude, learn to hold your booze. The student section said so. I won’t say who this guy was sitting with, only that I was amused by his seatmates. The one bad part on the night (other than what happened on the ice) was when my foot was completely CRUNCHED by this guy’s foot. Oh my, was that painful.
As the second period began, I saw some doorknob walk across about six sections (including ours, 26) while the game was going, and I realized “Hey, I know that guy!” (I’m ashamed to admit I know some guy who would do something like that, and I’m actually surprised this guy would.) I follow where he’s walking and I see he’s sitting with none other than my Final Five Hooligans, Scotty and The Rookie! Excellent! I went over and sat with them for a bit, before making my way back over to my section. I waited for a whistle with a player’s mom, whose son happened to get like 5 chances to stuff a puck in while we were waiting. We were both kind of freaking out, it was funny.
I made it to Grandma’s for a bit after the game, so as not to disappoint FHG, Scotty and the Rookie; I also had to meet the illustrious Cardinal, who was apparently in MUCH better shape than he had been the previous night. That is all I will say about that. Oh, and he wasn’t wearing a houndstooth hat, but it certainly was a very fancy hat. And I’m not being complimentary here, sorry man.
Bright spots: Power Play Goal! Oberg gets a point! It wasn’t a blowout! No empty net goal! And we didn’t get swept!
THE NUMBERS
Wins Until We Surpass Last Year’s Total: 2
Points Until We Surpass Last Year’s Total: 3
My Guys:
Matt McKnight: 12
MacGregor Sharp: 12
Michael Gergen: 11! (Yay!)
Mike Curry: 2
Freshmen:
Justin Fontaine: 8
Cody Danberg: 6
Kyle Schmidt: 6
Rob Bordson: 3
Mike Montgomery: 1
Chad Huttel: 1
Evan Oberg: 1! (ON THE BOARD!!! Now every Bulldog has a point!)
On Notice:
Points
Matt Greer
Alex Stalock
Mike Curry
Trent Palm
Nick Kemp
Travis Gawryletz
Goals only
Andrew Carroll
Michael Gergen
Justin Fontaine
Jay Cascalenda
Drew Akins
Evan Oberg
Cody Danberg
>Subsuperioran Winsick Blues
>tUMD 1, UMTC 1
Frazee’s in the basement
Mixing up Long Islands
I’m on the internet
Thinking about the tournament
The man in the striped shirt
Whistle out, glasses off
Says he’s got a blind spot
Donny’s got him paid off
Look out kid
It’s somethin’ you did
God knows when
But he’s pointing up at you
You better hope to get your way
Arguin’ for a replay
The man in the white mustache
In the press box
Wants a harsher penalty
You only got two
Gergy comes fleet foot
Stupid time to shoot
Talkin’ all that heat put
Mikey in the box but
The Gophers have a power play
That can’t score anyway
0 for 4 on the day
Don’t see that much, eh?
Look out kid
Don’t matter what you did
Don’t shoot down low
Don’t leave for the pros
Better stay away from those
That carry around a fire hose
Keep a clean nose
Watch the puck hos
You don’t need a weather man
To know a -30 wind blows
Break a stick, catch hell
Gonna make the coach yell
fall down, try to sell
But the ref knows you just fell
Check hard, get jarred
Get back, play D
Get a PP, get free
0-for-5 for UMD
Look out kid
You’re gonna get hit
But users, cheaters
Holy Cross losers
Hang around the bleachers
Crack at center ice
A new DECC would be nice!
Stick up for your leaders
Watch for headman feeders
Ah get tied, keep tied
Short pass, Kangas, glove flash
Penalty, 5 on 3
Horrible on the PP
Please score, please win, tough sh*t
Puck steal, stick lift
Twenty years of hockey
And they put you on the fourth shift
Look out kid
They keep it all hid
Better buckle down in OT
Get yourself a 2-on-3
Crash to the net
Winger’s not there yet
Don’t wanna give the game away
Better get the D to play
The Gophers don’t score
‘Cause they’re coached by a Chia Pet…
THE NUMBERS
Wins Until We Surpass Last Year’s Total: 2 (Gotta wait a little longer)
Points Until We Surpass Last Year’s Total: 3! (So many ties!)
My Guys:
Matt McKnight: 12! (Love the ugly goal!)
MacGregor Sharp: 12 (Did he even play? I never heard his name! Come on, man!)
Michael Gergen: 10 (Didn’t make the smartest choices tonight…)
Mike Curry: 2 (INJ)
Freshmen:
Justin Fontaine: 8
Cody Danberg: 6
Kyle Schmidt: 6
Rob Bordson: 3
Mike Montgomery: 1
Chad Huttel: 1
Evan Oberg: 0
On Notice:
Points
Evan Oberg
Matt Greer
Alex Stalock
Mike Curry
Goals only
Trent Palm
Travis Gawryletz
Jason Garrison
Andrew Carroll
Michael Gergen
Justin Fontaine
Jay Cascalenda
Drew Akins
Runnin' With the Dogs 
