Runnin' With the Dogs

>And… we’re back! The Gauntlet has been thrown down to Donald, author of the UAA Hockey Fan Blog, and ideal candidate for anger management sessions. I didn’t waste any time getting to the hard-hitting questions this week.

RWD: I hear you are a foreigner.

Donald: 100% Scottish blood. Ewan Macgregor’s got nothing on me… besides wealth, women, and fame, that is.

RWD: Please, you have infamy, and that’s much better. A [USCHO] Poster That Will Live In Infamy… let’s discuss that. What happened with USCHO?

Donald: Long, long story. I joined back in ’99… [that’s 1999, people, not 1899. Donald may have been around then, but the internet and USCHO were not.] Got booted the first time because everytime a new BC bandwagon fan came onto the board, they started a new thread with each new thought that occurred to them. So, naturally, I spammed the board with new threads like “This is not your father’s BC thread,” “This is my favorite BC thread,” and “I had a new thought about BC.” I think it was after the seventh one they booted me. So then I just settled into insulting people.

RWD: Stick with what you know.

Donald: Worked for Don Rickles. The last straw was publishing the emails their admin sent me. After doing that, they gave me a two month rest. Then all it took was a single complaint from a St. Bob fan and I was history. Wasn’t there some philosopher that said something about making the things we really want to happen? [Sorry, didn’t catch that last part.]

RWD: A “single” complaint?

Donald: It could have been multiple. I heard through the grapevine that a certain [person] was texting all his friends that he’d got me booted. Then he had to [do some laundry].

RWD: I can’t print that [meaning, what he actually said]. There are some that have called you The Angriest Man In Alaska.

Donald: Notably, you.

RWD: Let’s not name names here. What do you say to these allegations?

Donald: I say I can’t be responsible for other people’s misinterpretations of my directness.

RWD: Wow, a master of euphemisms as well. Does the word “restraint” mean anything to you?

Donald: Yes … but not in the terms you’re referring to.

RWD: I saw that one coming like a freight train.

Donald: You’re the engineer and the conductor, keep it on track.

RWD: How did you end up in Alaska?

Donald: My parents dragged me up here in 1978.

RWD: Perhaps using a car and driving would have been a better idea.

Donald: But the dragging part taught me a valuable lesson. How else could I achieve the heights of anger to which you referred earlier?

RWD: Have you ever thought of setting your sights higher? Becoming the angriest man in New York is prob. much harder. Or the angriest man in Moscow or something.

Donald: I used to “twist a few spliffs” in an attempt, but that just kept me on the couch.

RWD: Um… no comprendo.

Donald: Other people will get it. [Indeed, the Alleged Webmaster was all over it.] You obviously haven’t been to Alaska. There’s a LOT of angry people up here.

RWD: I would love to go to Alaska, and clearly would fit right in. How did you get inspired to start a blog?

Donald: DG. [Of LetsGoDu fame and The Gauntlet humiliation.] I couldn’t let him get a hand up, and I’d noticed a few others, so it just seemed natural.

RWD: F******! Why does no one ever say “Because of RWD???” Someday, someone will. [My blog] is the grandmother of all college hockey blogs.

Donald: I agree.

RWD: It’s not an opinion, it’s a fact. I don’t need your agreement, mister. So what did you hope to achieve with your blog? What was the game plan when you started?

Donald: I had two primary purposes. First, to correct misinformation and stupid misconceptions about the program. Second, to give parents of the players (and other fans) another source other than the boring weekly releases from the school.

RWD: So parents of the players read your site?

Donald: Yes.

RWD: Interesting. I only know of 1 parent that reads mine, and that particular person is the biggest hockey fan in the universe. Do any players read your site?

Donald: I really have no idea if the players do.

RWD: The only player I know that has read my site is actually a UAA player, Justin Bourne. People keep coming to my site from his facebook profile, ever since I said he was not hot. However, I misjudged him. I saw another picture and… hmmm…

Donald: He lives with 3 other players, so you can bet they’ve been there too.

RWD: I probably said his roommates were uggo, too.

Donald: Such judgements are beyond the scope of my blog.

RWD: How about the coaches? Do they read the site? I’m sure John Hill is an avid reader.

Donald: I hope other coaches read it, I just don’t want UAA’s staff to.

RWD: So, you keep a distance from the team?

Donald: I don’t have any particular interest in meeting any of them.

RWD: I have never spoken to a hockey player.

Donald: Then you and I are alike in that way. It really doesn’t hold any big attraction to me.

RWD: Well, I prefer to stalk from afar, so maybe we diverge there. Then again, maybe not.

Donald: We diverge.

RWD: So one day you were Drop The Puck, and the next day, you were Donald. What was with that?

Donald: I’d been booted from USCHO for a long time, and at the rink people were introducing me as DTP. That isn’t who I am, so I updated it.

RWD: So, do you and John Hill still call each other now that he’s left the program?

Donald: He gives me all the good tips I get on the Gopher program. The whole thing with me calling him tDon’s shoeshine boy is part of the disinformation campaign.

RWD: Were you ever a fan of him?

Donald: I openly advocated the hiring of a teammate of his, Dennis Sorenson, on USCHO when they were looking for a Talafous replacement. Dennis actually email me and thanked me for doing so. My only “encounter” with Hill was in ’91 or so when we were playing NMU in a tourney championship game. I was right behind the UAA bench and being really loud. Hill kept looking back at me like I was hurting his ears.

RWD: Do you think he gets more bloated every year?

Donald: I think everything about the Gopher hockey program gets more bloated every year. [Best line of the interview.]

RWD: Did you know he is “One of the most respected coaches in the nation?”

Donald: Hill?

RWD: Yes.

Donald: Respected for? Telling a fan base that head coach at UAA was his “dream job,” and then leaving it after 3 seasons and giving a bunch of [equine feces] reasons on his way out the door? If that’s what you mean by respected, then yeah. Respected for being hired by tDon three times?

RWD: I read it in his bio on gophersports.com, so it must be true. I’m getting you all riled up, I see. I’ve often wondered: you get mad at, like, everyone. Why haven’t you ever gotten mad at me? Or do you get mad at me, but exercise that r-word? [Restraint, in case you people weren’t paying attention.]

Donald: It’s a mystery to me how people interpret things that way. Most of the time, I’m sitting here laughing. I rarely get mad about anything on the internet.

RWD: Wow. That comes as a surprise to… the world at large.

Donald: I hear ya, but what can I do? I’m who I am and say things how I say them. [He’s also strong to the finish and eats spinach.]

RWD: How do you feel about this season so far?

Donald: Awesome. There is so much promise. The freshman are surprisingly good, the vets are really coming through, and you never hear anything but what a great attitude the team has.

RWD: Let’s say the Seawolves continue to play at the level they are playing now. What do you see in April?

Donald: The first WCHA home ice playoff series.

RWD: Um. That’s March. But, ok.

Donald: The team definitely has a chance in my mind to reach the NCAA’s, but its way early to be saying stuff like that.

RWD: Did you just knock on wood?

Donald: Yeah, I think I bruised my noggin.

RWD: I assumed you had a steel plate in your head. What are we going to see this weekend?

Donald: The UMD squad is going to see a surprisingly fleet UAA team. One that is the second tallest and 8th largest in all of the NCAA. They’re going to see a big sheet filled with green and gold blazing all around them. Mostly they’re going to see pucks going behind Stalock. [Into the corners, when the Seawolves miss the net, no doubt.]

RWD: So a bunch of [obese badonkadonk] traffic cones…

Donald: If by [obese badonkadonk], you mean fast and strong, then yeah.

RWD: Last year, several of the Dogs players were in trouble for “violation of team rules” while in Alaska. What do you think they did? What is there to do in Alaska that would be a “violation of rules?”

Donald: I’ll make sure they know where the [gentlemen’s clubs] are … there’s one up here that caters to the under-21 crowd.

RWD: Who is your favorite Seawolf, current and all-time?

Donald: All time? Dean Larson was definitely the best player ever. I always liked big Mike Peluso too. In recent history, Curtis Glencross. Currently, Kevin Clark. Brush [Christiansen] is “da man” when it comes to Seawolf hockey. He’s an old time hockey guy, he never shied away from “get in your face” hockey. Back in the day, teams didn’t want to come up here. Not because of the travel, but because they knew they’d go home bruised.

RWD: Sort of the blogging style at the UAA Fan Blog.

Donald: I’m honored at the comparison.

RWD: So, who is the hottest guy on your team?

Donald: I wouldn’t have a clue, but all the coaches wives are definitely smokin’. [A clear DG rip-off here.]

RWD: Is there a Mrs. Donald?

Donald: I’m here for Geico, luv, let’s not delve into me personal life.

RWD: I see. [I can’t believe I left that in.]

Donald: There was. We’re best buds.

RWD: So, ladies, Donald is a single man

Donald: I certainly am.

RWD: How about a weekend prediction?

Donald: Seawolf sweep. I pick them to sweep every weekend.