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>Tunnel Vision

7 April 2006

>You may have noticed there’s limited coverage of the Frozen Four on here. And by limited coverage, I mean this is the first mention of any 2006 NCAA tournament-related stuff. Then again, you may not have noticed. 99.99999999999999999% of the planet didn’t notice, and that’s a conservatively low figure. It’s not that I don’t care. In fact, I’m watching the Maine-Wisconsin game as I am typing this, and I had to hear that awful “Oh oh oh oh oh!” song where they all jump around like idiots, which is one of the most annoying things in the history of the world. Right up there with that whole bubonic plague thing and Mandatory Metallica.

A lot of the blogs I visit (which you can view in the previous post) are still covering the Frozen Four, some whose teams are still in it (or were in it until just a few hours ago), some whose teams were recently eliminated (or exterminated), and some whose teams were knocked out of tournament consideration by losing to the Bulldogs. Most of them have some serious analysis, some of them have content that is “sort of” coverage, and some of them have not very nice things to say about me. But we have to remember, this is not a site for serious hockey analysis (I know, I know, I’m too modest), brilliant sportswriting, or things that happen in the real world. This is a site for “sarcastic and biased coverage of the WCHA’s finest hockey team.” Believe me, if you’re looking for Bulldog Frozen Four coverage, it’s going to be sparse throughout the years. And I’m okay with that.
However, it’s just not as fun without the Bulldogs. I just don’t know these other guys very well. Me and T.J. Oshie, sure, we’re cool, ever since I got him hooked up on the All-Hottie First Team, and there’s some Duluth boys on the Wisconsin team, but I just don’t feel the same… connection, I guess is what I’m going for here. If I am going to write funny(?) made-up stories about people I’ve never met, I’d like to at least have screamed my undying love to them once or twice. And believe me, there is no love lost between Ryan MacMurchy and me.
Remember how much fun it was two years ago? Oh, that’s right, I didn’t have this blog two years ago, we didn’t go through all the good times together. I was still living in Illinois at the time. But it was fun, right? (Not the living in Illinois part, that wasn’t fun at all. So many cornfields!) You had fun, I had fun, we all had fun. Until we lost to Denver in the semifinal and I screamed the F-Bomb at the top of my lungs, scared the crap out of my roommates and their friends, slammed my door, and broke my really cool door hanger. I don’t think anyone enjoyed that, especially not the door.

So, in order to ensure that we have some fun TOGETHER, dear readers, in the next few years, I would like to give a few suggestions on how we can have some post-season success. Then you better believe this blog will be TEEMING with Frozen Four coverage.

1. Practice scoring. I don’t really know what’s been going on in practice, but they needed to figure out how to get that little rubber disc into the net. What about bringing one of those promotional boards out, you know, the ones with the slots that people shoot at from center ice and then always miss the net entirely? They could practice accuracy, working their way back. Mason Raymond all the way across the rink, Garrison and Nisky at the blueline, McFarland right in front of the net with a big orange safety stick…

2. Bench people who are not producing. Maybe the coaching staff doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I’ll do it (for a fee). They wouldn’t even really know they were being benched, maybe they could present it as an award, “Sit With Runninwiththedogs!” Sort of how teams auction off a box suite with legendary players to make money for charity, except instead of a box suite, it would be the bleachers, and instead of charity, they would have to listen to me. I understand we couldn’t afford to do it this year, with so few players on the bench and injuries/illnesses to our D-men, but next year, THERE’S NO EXCUSE. Sit, doggies, sit!

3. Stay out of the penalty box! I hate lazy stick penalties. No one on this team should take lazy stick penalties. Lazy stick penalties are for lazy people, and there are going to be NO LAZY PEOPLE on this team. Or else they will have to watch the games with me (see #2).

More strategery to follow.

I’m hoping we’ll follow 1 of 2 scenarios:

A. The Slower Boat to China
2006-2007: Make Final Five, win play-in game (if needed), be a TUC
2007-2008: WCHA top five finish, Final Five 3rd place, be a TUC
2008-2009: WCHA top three finish, Final Five championship game, NCAA tournament selection

or

B. The Faster Track to Success
2006-2007: WCHA top five finish, Final Five 3rd place, be a TUC
2007-2008: WCHA top three finish, Final Five championship game, NCAA tournament selection
2008-2009: WCHA top three finish, Final Five champions, NCAA Frozen Four appearance

Mock it if you like, but I think I was a pretty conservative homer. I didn’t even ask for a National Championship!

RunninwiththeDogs: Prepared for the Worst, Prepared for the Frozen Four

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