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>teltnuaG ehT

24 October 2008

>Donald attempted to Gauntlet me. He did not succeed. Here are the results. Now step aside and let Mama take over.

(Extremely long wait for Donald to get to his computer)
DTP: Ok … so should we get this over with? [Well, I waited around for forever, so could we please get on with it?]

RWD: Are you sure you’re ready?

DTP: 1st question: Why do you hate Mike Connolly?

RWD: Aww, I don’t hate Fuzzy. I’m pro Fuzzy. Some big bad Bronco player threw him into the boards last weekend and I about cut someone, but the REF called a PENALTY and I almost died. [Maybe the system works!]

DTP: Mike senses your overwhelming love for Jack and he isn’t amused.

RWD: Oh really? Did your Spidey sense tell you that?

DTP: I’m uncharacteristically intuitive about such things

RWD: I think he’s probably happy I’m not a freak over him. He sleeps better at night I’m sure. [Meanwhile, I’m sure Jack is terrified. And rightfully so. I am crazy.]

DTP: Do you agree with Hannes Alfven that in a Universe filled with Plasma that electric currents are pervasive? [Do you agree that no one other than possibly MEg is going to understand that question?]

RWD: I failed my plasma engineering course. The professor was a jackass though. [To him, “short quiz” was actually “horrendously long test.” Didn’t get THAT memo.]

DTP: Are you more or less intellectually curious than Sarah Palin?

RWD: I am a McCain supporter and will not participate in anything that mocks her, though Amy Poehler’s rap was amazing.

DTP: Will Sandy give Kenny Reiter a start this weekend?

RWD: I don’t know. I don’t even know if Kenny is there. I am attempting to find out. Bruce is being reticent. He threatened my life. [He did finally respond but only with information that was either self-evident or irrelevant. Then later his blog had useful information. No.]

DTP: I’ll handle Bruce this weekend. Was he pouty cos [stupid foreigner spelling] I didn’t show up and say hi last year? [We did not go to Anchorage last year. Maybe he was upset because he donated money to your stupid Final Five fund.]

RWD: Bruce is pouty because I send him barrages of text messages about stupid stuff. [Mom and Dad cover your eyes] While I am driving.

DTP: Did it snow there yet?

RWD: No. But every customer that I talk to that finds out I am in Minnesota asks me that. Or about the Mall of America. [Or they tell me I should be in prison, that I am a criminal, that I don’t want to help them, or they just say “Listen young lady…”]

DTP: Be happy that they know Minnesota is a state

RWD: It is THE state. Of hockey.

DTP: Is Sandelin’s job on the line this year?

RWD: Yes. There is major talent on this team and if we don’t finish better then there’s no way I can defend him anymore. I will most likely usurp him.

DTP: What will tUMD fans consider “better”?

RWD: Home ice for the playoffs.

DTP: Coke or Pepsi?

RWD: Coke, definitely coke. And also Coca-Cola.

DTP: Rant on to your own satisfaction about USCHO… [meaning Ugly Stupid Crack Heads Online]

RWD: I don’t really mention “that site” on my blog as I don’t want to give them any undue publicity. It does give me a nice ego boost; it reminds me of how intelligent I am. It is a fruit roll-up of vulgarity, depravity, and the worst elements of the human psyche. It’s like shower shoes covered in mold. I generally go on there only to offend.

DTP: As did I once upon a time

RWD: I can’t say I ever read one of your posts but I know I’m much more reserved than you are. I usually forget what posts I’ve started things in.

DTP: Will the LHC create a black hole?

RWD: St. Cloud State will. With all the negative pressure (vacuums don’t suck, people!) coming out of there.

DTP: Compare the Bulldogs defense this year to last years blueliners

RWD: They are… um… Kind of the same? Palm is still Palm. Cascalenda is still Cascalenda. Oberg is back and scoring us goals.

DTP: Garrison is gonzo. [Eeeeeee!]

RWD: Yes but I can’t compare Garrison to noGarrison. Mike Montgomery has joined the blueline and is a big kid who knows how to play the offensive side of the game as well. Our penalty kill is not as strong.

DTP: What about Josh Meyers?

RWD: Josh is Josh. He is supposed to be another offensive defenceman but I just can’t figure him out. He does score points. I don’t know how I feel about him on the PP. I know that Scotty Kishel is going to be a great PP guy in the coming years. He is kind of in and out of the lineup.

DTP: Did you guys get whistled for boatloads of penalties so far?

RWD: Yes. But we always do. I think that we were spoiled last year with an outstanding PK.

DTP: Special Teams looks to be THE “theme” this year.

RWD: I think coaches say that every year. They are always a key element of the game and no team is very successful without good special teams. I think the big problem is if there are more penalties on both sides that more guys need to be ready to fill those roles. Many guys play on both the PP and the PK and we really don’t want to kill them.

DTP: The extra-emphasis this year on stick-related offenses is an adjustment all the players will have to make.

RWD: Those Canadians sure were confused during the exhibition games. “Thaaaat’s a penalty, eh?”

DTP: What would be more fun — me coming to Final Five … or you coming to Anchorage for a series?

RWD: You coming to the Final Five. The Final Five is Holy Week, Donald. I will at some point come to Anchorage I am sure, but the Final Five is so awesome.

DTP: I meant more fun from your perspective.

RWD: That is my perspective.

DTP: I have no doubt I’d have more fun at the Final Five than I would chauffering you around Anchorage. [Like I would get into a car with Donald. I’ve seen The Bone Collector.]

RWD: On your moose. Or your… what did you call it… snow “machine?”

DTP: You should know that if you’re a McCainiac

RWD: He is my hero.

DTP: Lovely.

RWD: Are you sure you want to have that on your blog? Aren’t you afraid people might be a little enlightened? [LOOK OUT, LIBERAL MEDIA!!! HERE I AM!!!! A NON-OLD, UTTERLY STUNNING AND BRILLIANT CONSERVATIVE!!!]

DTP: I’m not concerned about your political leanings on my blog. Anything I say overwhelms it. Enlightened and Sarah Palin are not three words you’d normally see together.

RWD: My word is like the word of God.

DTP: Then tell me Yahweh …. what are the final scores this weekend?

RWD: You’re done already? That’s IT?

DTP: What? ‘Cos I asked the final scores? [Have you not read a Gauntlet before? Freaking amateur!] Don’t assume.

RWD: Okay, then. I was concerned. [I wasn’t done basking in my own self-importance.] 4-3 tUMD, 4-0 tUMD. Jacky with a goal. Fuzzy with 2.
[Not sure what’s funny.]

RWD: I went above and beyond there.

DTP: Will you be watching on the web?

RWD: Probably. Is that naughty Santa going to be on?

DTP: I don’t know who is advertising this year. I don’t watch it much ya know. [Oh yah you betcha!]

DTP: How is UAA’s stream compared to others?

RWD: It is great compared to any of the crap I see on B2. Like CC’s floating tiger head, for example.

DTP: That thing is psychologically damaging I fear. When was the last time you and Bethlyn were stumble-down drunk together?

RWD: We never have been. I don’t think I’ve ever been drunk in her presence.

DTP: Sigh … boring. [This is not Penthouse Forum, Donald.]

RWD: I know. When I visited her I came down with bronchitis almost immediately upon arrival. So I didn’t drink very much. I had like I sip of something. I do not need to drink to have a good time.

DTP: But you’re more fun when you do.

RWD: Eh. Possibly. I’m a really mean drunk.

DTP: It’s from a Holiday Inn commercial.

RWD: I have a DVR. I don’t watch commercials.

DTP: Naturally. Can I ask an Entourage question?

RWD: I don’t watch that either. [I think I’d prefer a commercial.]

DTP: Of course. Shouldn’t you really just turn into a Gopher fan? I mean … isn’t that how it works down there?

RWD: I don’t see the point. I cannot WAIT to see tDogs win their first NC. No Gopher fan can say that. The[ Gophers] are not the Borg. Resistance is not futile. Not as many people in Minneapolis are Gopher hockey fans as you might think. I mean, Donald, if I was going to be a Gopher fan, I would be. I was born (technically) on campus at the UMTC medical center. You can’t get any more into the heart of Gopher country than that.

DTP: Hence my question.

RWD: But I grew up a Dogs fan. It’s hereditary. I’d be disowned. Also I went to another big 10 school. [MICHIGAN SUCKS!!!!]

DTP: What team do you dislike (hate) most?

RWD: St. Cloud.

DTP: Are you as apathetic as me about Mankato?

RWD: No. I’m semi-pro Mankato. I have a lot of family there. But I can see how someone might be that way.

DTP: I’m trying to work up more hatred for them but I find them boring.

RWD: Juttz sucks. His wife is my idol though. [The mother of all cougars!!!]

DTP: What about UND? Where are they on your list?

RWD: I could not possibly care less about UND. They bore me.

DTP: Denver?

RWD: Denver is a force to be reckoned with this year.

DTP: Colorado College?

RWD: CC had better get on their horse and figure out if they’re going to be a great team. Because, um, 1-0 against UAH?

DTP: UAH’s goalie stood on his head.

RWD: They will be on the top 3 in the league but they need to transcend to the macrocosm if they’re going to go anywhere. Great teams win those games by lots of goals. I am overly critical, but whatever. [What the heck do I care? We will take them down.]

DTP: Are you happy to get a new rink before UAA?

RWD: I am happy to get a new rink sooner rather than later. It would be nice if UAA got one, too, but I didn’t feel any competitive vibes.

DTP: I recall you expressing suicide as an alternative if UAA were to get a rink before you guys

RWD: I am prone to hyperbole. And poor memory.

DTP: Ever had chicken-pox?

RWD: Yes, on Christmas. I gave it to my mom, too.

DTP: Ouch… you [female dog].

DTP: Did you cut your bangs to match Sarah’s “do”?

RWD: My hair is curly and so it wouldn’t really look the same. I’m actually growing it out. I got it cut kind of short when Bethlyn was here in March and felt regret. I’m actually thinking of maybe dying it white like McCain [I would look hot] for solidarity.

DTP: Make sure you use the same dye he does.

RWD: I’m sorry, is this a hockey interview? You’re making it seem like I care about politics. This is not an impression I like to give.

DTP: Compare this year’s Bulldog offense to last year’s.

RWD: This year >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> last year. What else can I say? I mean… last year was just sort of a mess.

DTP: Just trying to steer it back to hockey after your politics meltdown. Are the t’dogs a 2 line or 3 line team?
RWD: Right now they are a 2 line team but they will probably become a 3 line team.

DTP: How many games do you think Stalock will play this year?

RWD: Almost all of them. I’m thinking like 40.

DTP: Do you think that will leave the team in a bit of a spot next year if Stalock doesn’t return?

RWD: No, I think Brady is going to be a great goalie for us.

DTP: But Sandy won’t play him much this year? Wouldn’t it be a good idea to play the backup versus UAA this weekend?

RWD: I think Stalock is the horse that Sandy is going to ride. I would have thought we would see Brady last weekend. I wonder what would have happened if we had… [Love you Al, but for reals homey, that was not your best game.]

DTP: UAA goes to UMD to play on the last WCHA weekend this season. Will you be at those games?

RWD: I might. If I have school I won’t.

DTP: What is your earliest memory of a Seawolf?

RWD: It’s fairly vague. When I was young we would sometimes go up to my grandparents’ cabin on weekends in the winter and we would watch tUMD games on a super old tv. And sometimes those games would involve UAA. Now a whole generation of children will be deprived of that because tUMD is no longer on TV.

DTP: Do you miss Sertie?

RWD: I don’t, I think it’s great for him to enjoy retirement.

DTP: Does Sertie attend games at the DECC?

RWD: I don’t know. Maybe? We’re not BFFs.

DTP: Shouldn’t that be BFsF?

RWD: No. It’s just like when people say RsBI in baseball. I mean, I guess technically I should say BFF.

DTP: lol

RWD: But a “BFF” is kind of a noun, so it’s pluralized as is.

DTP: You take the dumb questions so seriously. [If I didn’t take the dumb questions seriously, there would be none to take seriously.]

RWD: I feel strongly about this subject, actually. I can’t stand when people type RsBI. Or “ribbies.”

DTP: You are truly the Acronym Queen.

RWD: I love them. The Gophers Invite Cupcakes So We Don’t Get Embarrassed At Our Own Tournament is just too long to type. GICSWEDGEAOOT is better. It almost says “Swede” in the middle. Damn that’s not right.

DTP: Ultra-cool almost.


DTP: I pay “homage” [Why is homage in quotations? I’m sure because Donald is probably pronouncing it in some foreign way.] to your love of acronyms when I can on my blog … ever notice?

RWD: You have a blog? It’s hard to tell what you’re writing. You need more white space.

DTP: Yeah I know… all those words are a problem

RWD: The problem is, they are boring. No offense. [Hee]

DTP: None taken. But they aren’t boring.

RWD: I’m sure to a Seawolf fan, they might not be.

DTP: They are each useful and important to make the necessary point. I’m all out of prewritten questions.

RWD: Those were prepared in advance???

DTP: A few were.

RWD: Not as easy as it looks, is it? Bow to the master.

DTP: Let me find a mirror. [Gotta look nice when you genuflect!]

RWD: So are you going to continue this interview or what?

DTP: I thought I’d just let you dangle there and decide.

RWD: Man did I ever get off easy.

DTP: Your offense at certain lines of questions kept it short.

RWD: I’m just not overly political. Also, the Gauntlet’s main purpose is offense.

DTP: This isn’t the Gauntlet. [No you-know-what, Sherlock.] It’s a Gauntlet rip-off

RWD: It is.

DTP: It walks like the Gauntlet, it talks like the Gauntlet, but it is not the Gauntlet. Typing Gauntlet three times is hard. [But four is comparatively easier.]

RWD: It doesn’t really talk like the Gauntlet.

DTP: More evidence that it is not the gauntlet then eh? [Friggin’ Canadian.] I gots to run to pick up dinner. [Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit, foo!]

RWD: Oh, did someone drive by your house and hit a rodent?

And… scene!

4 Comments leave one →
  1. 24 October 2008 7:39 am

    >Oh .. there’s all the crap I edited out.

  2. 25 October 2008 1:15 am

    >Jesus Christ. This thing borders on War and Peace.

  3. 25 October 2008 5:55 am

    >IF you did happen to watch…woulda been nice to see a replay on that disallowed goal…

  4. 25 October 2008 6:12 am

    >I watched. And slit my wrists.


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