Don’t Trust Anyone Over Thirty

tUMD Zippity, Chairman Mao’s Band of Roving Psychopaths 2

Gosh, it must be really hard to play hockey with both hands wrapped around your throat. Truly a textbook choke job by tUMD tonight on offense. Absolutely zero things went right for the Dogs tonight. I knew about halfway through the game there was no way they were getting any goals, and it wasn’t because they ran into a hot goaltender (he did make some stone cold saves in the waning minutes of the game, though), it wasn’t because they were overmatched (Wisconsin was fine, but it wasn’t like the Gophers vs. a bunch of teenagers or something else so over matched…), it was just… bad. I mean, come on. There were a lot of five-car pileups out on the ice, a lot of people falling down, a lot of really stupid passes that went to no one or ended up as a turnover, and a LOT of missed opportunities with guys in the right place at the right time who just couldn’t get the job done.

The highlight of the night game when the kiss cam focused on the Badger bench and one of the coaches grabbed another coach/trainer/something and gave him a big smooch. Loudest cheer of the night!

We need to talk about the refs, though.

This is an actual photo of me at AMSoil Arena tonight. Since today is my birthday and I am 30 and old.

Anyway, forget about the refs deciding the outcome of the game, because let’s face it, tUMD was not going to score on a pee-wee goalie with two peg legs of different lengths defending a soccer net. Let’s talk about player safety here. First, some waste of molecules named… Morgan Zlsdfsaldsjidfn, I don’t even really care what his name was, nearly killed Dan DeLisle (only a minute or so after Biddco, replying to my comment on the ineptness of both tUMD’s offense and the student section, said we needed to be careful or a funeral would break out, so thanks for the jinx Biddy). Mr. Zuskfkdsafgbnv was kicked out of the game, rightly. Then on the major power play ensuing, Cal Decowski was hit in the head with an elbow and nothing was called. A Badger fan was openly cheering this hit, I might add. Then John Ramage slew-footed a Bulldog with seconds left in the game, and got a “contact to the head” two minute penalty after time ran out, which is soooo like him and also so very very pointless because no one serves penalties at the ends of games unless they are DQs. Way to keep the game in control, FUTURE HEAD OF OFFICIALS OF THE NATIONAL COLLEGIATE HOCKEY CONFERENCE. Lord. Excuse me while I go clutch my pearls.

Guys, Saturday night is the birthday game. You know what this means. WIN.