Pleasant Valley Sunday

tUMD 3, Buttmidji 0/tUMD 0, Buttmidji 1
tUMD 1, Kid Brother 6/tUMD 6, Kid Brother 2

On Fridays games, I have very little comment. For the women’s game, I simply missed it because I was working. There are only so many ways to say Kayla Black is amazing. The Stauber-Morin defensive pairing is fantastic. Emma had a shorthanded goal.

For the men’s game, pretend I just vomited on this page. I have no interest in hearing that it “didn’t feel like a 6-1 game.” IT WAS A 6-1 GAME. SHUT UP. I DON’T CARE IF GOOD THINGS WERE DONE. I HAD TO MENTALLY ROOT FOR WISCONSIN IN FOOTBALL SO THAT GOPHER FANS WOULD NOT REACH A NEW LEVEL OF INSUFFERABILITY. DID YOU READ THAT? I HAD TO ROOT FOR WISCONSIN. Didn’t feel like a 6-1 game, my butt. I know everyone gets up for the Bulldogs because we’re a powerhouse and it’s a big deal to beat us, but come on, we gotta be ready for that.

Saturday, I was SO hoping for tUMD to get a sweep and to get back to their winning ways. Instead Buttmidji scored a dagger with 15 seconds left, for the only goal of the game. Pretend I vomited on the page again.

Today I watched the game! That’s right, I was able to enjoy, from start to finish, a Bulldog hockey game! And by enjoy, I do mean enjoy! Although I was at times confused and thought I was watching some sort of diving match starring Kyle Rau, Hudson Fasching, and I think Justin Kloos but I’m not sure. All those baby rodents are the same soft little doughboys. I mean, an All-Star diving match for those guys against Robbie Earl, Ryan Lasch, JP Lamoureux and… well, Kyle Rau would have been a hotly contested, neck-and-neck event.

Killing a 5×3 seems to be the key to winning games, but I’m not going to recommend we go out of our way to seek out those situations. But tUMD’s first goal came just as we got one player back. Basaraba jumped into the play and he and Dom Toninato combined for a beauty of a goal. Dom has some serious skill… and you realize that also means he was out in a critical penalty-killing role, right? Parise, this team is going to be a force in a few years’s time, with all the experience the freshmen are getting in key roles. Tony Cameranesi scored the only even strength goal of the night. Wouldn’t it be nice if Dani had made the smart choice and chosen tUMD as well? I hope she cheered for her brother tonight. tUMD got their own 5×3 later on, when the Goofies took 2 penalties 3 seconds apart. They never showed what the second penalty was for, but who cares? Justin Crandall scored like 6 seconds later. The Goofies got 2 more power plays and failed hard on both of them. And then the game ended. No, wait. That was the first period.

The Goofs finally scored on the 800th power play they were given, and it was cute how they thought they were in the game. So sweet. tUMD continued their power play goal bonanza with goals from Austin Farley (who did a jersey pop, which made the Gopher fans clutch their pearls and moan about classlessness, then immediately rationalize Wheeler’s jersey pop, in a glorious display of cognitive dissonance) and Kyle Osterberg. Poor Man’s Stalock got the hook, Ben Marshall (one of the most generic Gopher players ever, so forgettable, just like Sam Warning. I actually sometimes think there’s just one Ben Warning, because these guys are so unremarkable) ran McNeely and paid for it with an ejection (which NotFrank called a “game disqualification,” which is so annoying. That is a different, and more severe penalty, and Captain Hair Dye should know that), though he managed to get A&Dubs ejected too. tUMD still got a PP out of it, which carried over into the third period, and Justin Crandall got another goal.

The Goof Troop got a power play goal in the third on a gift of a PP (as most of them were), and it was again adorable how they celebrated it like it was actually meaningful in the game. But, I get it. It’s a big deal to score against Big Brother, so not-Jonny Brodzinski should probably keep that puck and sleep with it under his pillow.

And now next week the men have a bye, which made me VERY ANGRY. I am SICK of missing out on hockey. They will be back in action at AMSoil Arena the weekend after, if they and we can remember where AMSoil Arena is. The women play Team Commie on Tuesday, but I work and can’t go, and then they play Wisconsin on Friday and Saturday. I hope to attend Friday night, but I can’t be sure I’ll have recovered from the jacked up work schedule I have Friday. (Midnight to 11 am. I will probably keel over.) I NEED SOME HOCKEY.