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The X Files

26 October 2015

tUMD 2, Rodents 5/tUMD 1, Rodents 6

This meeting of the Tinfoil Hat Society will come to order. Agent Mulder, will you read the minutes?

They were right here last night, RWD, I swear. My computer must have experienced an electromagnetic field.

Ok, ok. That’s not important. What we have to discuss here is the Minnesota Golden Gopher women’s hockey team. And what could possibly be the reason for the way they seem to play games. For example, Friday’s game against tUMD. tDogs were leading for over half the game before the Gophers suddenly scored 5 goals and never looked back. There are three possible explanations for this. Hear me out.

1. The Gophers lack the killer instinct of the teams of the past, and just screw around and play when they feel like it.

Are you sure? That doesn’t make a lot of sense. You know what makes sense? George Washington, man. Growing pot. The dollar bill, it’s green!

I know, that doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t explain the 6-1 score on Saturday, or the two times they’ve scored 11 goals in this young season. It’s Dirty’s suggestion, so obviously it sucks.

2. The Gophers are so used to winning that they “practice” losing in games so they remember how to come from behind, just in case. After all, they did lose to Clarkson in an important game.

Gophers? This is bat country!

Ok, maybe not. But I think I’ve got it.

3. The Gophers deliberately play this way to toy with their opponents and then rip their hearts out. Giving us a two goal lead and then stomping all over our dreams. Pulling the rug out from under us. Rope a dope. Etc.

That’s typical Gopher b.s. What say you, club?

I’m not saying it was aliens, but… IT WAS ALIENS.

Meeting adjourned.

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