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Hockey Day Minnesota Duluth!

6 July 2017

Let me interrupt my extended period of not giving a crap about hockey to discuss the EXCITING news from yesterday: tUMD will be playing the first ever marquee matchup between women’s teams on Hockey Day Minnesota.

IT’S ABOUT FRICKIN-FRACKIN TIME.

Ahem.

St. Cloud State is the host this year, and they have chosen to feature a non-conference (edit: upon closer inspection, this appears to be a conference game, as now I can’t remember where I read it was noncon [another edit, now I remember, our freaking coach said it was nonconference, wtf is going on]), outdoor matchup with tUMD as one of the main events (along with 2 boys’ games, a men’s game featuring SCSU and Mankato, and the requisite Wild game). I am considering attending. The game is at 1:00, so it would be an easy day trip. We’ll see what the weather is like.

I’m not going to give headpats to the HDM folks for finally figuring out, after 12 years of this crap, that women’s hockey matters, and that there’s really no excuse for excluding women’s college hockey from the event when two of the most prominent programs in the nation are in the state. I’m not interested in the blah blah blah ratings blah blah blah no one likes women’s sports oink oink oink nonsense people like to spew at me, because let’s be real, most of the crap they show during HDM is really boring. It’s like, some dull outdoor HS boys’ game, three hours of Former Gophers: Where Are They Now?, a Gopher men’s hockey game against an out of state opponent, and then a Nate Prosser celebration. The most interesting thing ever to be shown on HDM was Mike Sertich’s Gopher toilet. So, no thank you, I am not interested in mansplaining about ratings! and advertising! and catering exclusively to men!

The second most hilarious thing about the HDM lineup is the closest thing to a “metro” team is Centennial. Generally I mock this event as “Hockey Day Twin Cities” due to its extreme metro slant. I’m really appreciative of this troll job by SCSU. Ugh. Between their significantly improved fanbase (or maybe they just seem improved because I don’t go on USCHO anymore), Katie Fitzgerald’s awesome pro career, and now this brilliant moment of “outstate” rebellion, I’m almost not boiling over in hatred for them.

The MOST hilarious thing about the HDM lineup is the lack of vermin. We got a blazing hot take on that from The Daily Gopher today.

tdg1

First of all, it’s “a part,” not “apart.” Your stupid teams (yes, teams) will actually be apart from the event. As in not involved.

tdg2

Second of all, it’s “HUSKY.” And “women’s.” My eye is twitching from all these errors, not to mention opening a paragraph with “With St. Cloud being the host.”

tdg3

The world may never know why the Gophers were not begged to be a part of this event! Will the person at FSN who discovered the world does not revolve around Gopher men’s hockey be persecuted by the Roman Catholic Inquisition, a la Galileo? Is this bitterness by TDG staffers over yet another instance in which their mediocre men’s hockey team is subjugated by their mediocre pumpkin pushing team?

(This is the point in the post where I briefly flipped back to Twitter and saw that Adam Johnson signed with Pittsburgh and went into a rage blackout.)

I wonder how terrible the ice is going to be for that event. Will it be worse than the outdoor ice that Lucia always sobs about?

I’m actually surprised the Gophers didn’t pull out of HDM years ago, when Joel Rumpel played an entire game with an illegal piece of equipment!!! What if a puck had been saved by the pompom on his knitted hat? THAT IS THE REASON THE GOPHERS LOST TO UNION SEVERAL YEARS LATER!!!

tdg4

Oh no! An event which lost its (now this is the proper usage of its, unlike the example given in the snippet shown above) luster years ago is taking a significant step back by not catering exclusively to one of five men’s D-1 hockey programs in the state, after said program repeatedly played out-of-state opponents on HDM out of a fear of being upstaged by in-state rival tUMD?

This will probably be the end of HDM. If they’re including those darn women AND they don’t have any Gophers, they’re tarnishing the illustrious HDM brand irreparably!

Also, IT’S (see) A FACT that all hockey teams whose games are shown in more than one household bring in viewers. The minimum number of people required to constitute viewers is 2. So, um, congrats on having at least 2 people watching your stupid team. We have that too! Even in regular definition!

How did that game against Notre Dame work out for you fellas? I’m just curious. Oh wait I recall. I contributed to those high ratings because I was laughing my badonkadonk off.

In conclusion, I am confident that Hockey Day Minnesota will carry on much as it always has, even without The Highest Rated Hockey Team On The Big Ten Network. ESPECIALLY since it will include our very own Bulldog women capturing the first Main Event win for an NCAA women’s team.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. vizoroo permalink
    7 July 2017 12:38 am

    Glad to see the summer doldrums have not diminished your vituperative wit. Of course, the Gophers are an easy target for vitriolic musings.

    • 7 July 2017 8:36 am

      The summer heat only fans the flames of hatred.

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