>Idiots Do Stupid Thing
>
>Old School
>
Former Bulldog and Greyhound (ok, for one season, but it was a good one) Rusty Fitzgerald was a favorite of mine in that era. We all know I have a very random way of selecting my favorites. I liked him because my dog and he had the same name. Which, if you think about it, is as good of a reason as any.
>Straw Poll
>
In honor of Tracy, my favorite Iowegian reader, here’s a few preseason straw polls for you!
>T-shirts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
They are $10. SO CHEAP! SO AMAZING!
They DO NOT have anything on the back. No date, no PBHj w/a hockey stick. We would not have been able to sell them for $10 if we had had them on the back.
Easiest way to order is through PayPal. Send me your email address, size, and quantity. I will send a request for payment through PayPal. Until you pay, your shirt is not really yours. If you really need to pay some other way we can figure it out.
Pickup will be at the game on Oct 9th. We will be there bright and early. Biddco will be dressed as a banana. It should be easy to find.
If you live in Duluth but will not be at the game or want it early, arrange w/Biddco. (Join the
Facebook group or tUMD Penalty Box to do so)If you live in the Cities and can’t make the game or want it early, arrange w/me (email!).
If you need it shipped we’ll have to figure something out.
You can order by emailing me (runwiththedogs[at]hotmail[dot]com) or sending me or Biddco a private message on Facebook or on the Penalty Box.
First come, first served, so let us know AS SOON AS POSSIBLE what your order will be.
>Get The Picture?
>
I noticed that Chase Ryan has the same roster pic as last year. I think. Or he is frozen in the same expression at all times.
I think they just lost the picture.
But I found it! It’s all good!!!
>Lost Boy
>
To recap, here’s what we’ve got in the minor leagues:
2010
F Joe Basaraba (Shattuck)
F Max Tardy (USHL)
F JT Brown (USHL)
F Chris Stafne (USHL)
D Luke McManus (USHL)
D Justin Faulk (NTDP)
G Mac Carruth (NAHL)
2011
F Adam Krause (H-town)
F Caleb Herbert (Bloomington-Jefferson)
Lookin’ good!
>Zen
>
This year, we have to go through a paradigm shift, and I’m here to help you all transition.
Because I am such a giving and generous person, here are some helpful tips.
1. When you are looking for the goalie, he is in the crease, which is the area right in front of the goal. He is not:
a. sprawled behind the net
b. chasing after the referee
c. playing a puck at the blue line
2. Our defencemen will be making a lot more plays with the puck. I hope. Please, guys? Anyway, they will have to be the ones making the breakout plays.
3. UMD goalies will no longer receive any more Golden Globes for Best Actor in a Dramatic Series whenever an opponent comes near them.
4. Popular cheers must be adapted. “Stalock Stalock!” and “TA STALOCK!!!!!!!” must be changed to “Hjelle Hjelle!” or “TA HJELLE!!!!!!!!!!” Please make adequate preparations to avoid embarrassment.
None of this helps me, as I am a bundle of nerves any time the puck is in the defensive zone.
We should expect a few things to remain the same.
1. UMD will have top-notch goaltending that will give them a chance to win any and every game. The other 5 guys on the ice will have to take that and run with it.
2. Backchecking is important. Don’t listen to Phil Kessel. Grinding the puck out in the corners, keeping it AWAY from the net, clogging up shooting lanes, and blocking shots are only going to help our goalies, as they always have.
3. UMD’s student section and fans will throw their support 100% behind whoever is in the net, just like they did for Isaac, Al, and any other fella that stood between the pipes.
4. UMD’s defencemen are still required to defend the goal crease and send any and all opponents who feel like setting up base camp flying with a good hip check.
These tips will come in handy in less than 19 days!!! ZOMG!!!!!!!!!!
>Dream Team
>“There is no team like the best team, which is our team right here! We will show you, we’re the best team of the very little league this year!” (from You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown)
Here’s how the draft washed out. I made one mistake in that I totally forgot Jordan Schroeder was still available when I had my first pick; and I accidentally picked Ben Blood even though he sucks, but that was only because I had him graded a D but color-coded orange, which was the color for Bs. Eek. I dropped him immediately after the draft and replaced him with Drew Akins. We drafted 7th out of 7.
TEAM COUGARS:
Brady Hjelle, UMD
Patrick Wiercioch, DU
Joe Colborne, DU
Jack Connolly, UMD
Dylan Olsen, UMD
Mike Louwerse, MSUM
Brett Olson, MTU
Nick Leddy, UMTC
Tommy Grant, UAA
Drew Akins, UMD
William Wrenn, DU
Austin Lee, MSUM
Michael Davies, UW
Kane Lafranchise, UAA
Malcolm Gwilliam, MTU
Jordy Murray, UW
Here are the other guys, in draft order. I won’t reveal their identities, though they are free to identify themselves.
#1
Marc Cheverie, DU
Garrett Raboin, SCSU
Garrett Roe, SCSU
Kael Mouillierat, MSUM
Brendan Smith, UW
Drew Shore, DU
Luke Salazar, DU
Jake Marto, UND
Billy Sweatt, CC
Ben Street, UW
Matt Donovan, DU
Kevin Murdock, MSUM
Brett Bennett, UW
Craig Smith, UW
Jared Festler, SCSU
Lee Baldwin, UAA
#2
Brad Eidsness, UND
Ryan Lasch, SCSU
Cade Fairchild, UMTC
Jay Barriball, UMTC
Blake Geoffrion, UW
Danny Kristo, UND
Deron Cousens, MTU
Dan Dunn, SCSU
Zach Budish, UMTC
Rylan Galiardi, MSUM
Jacob Cepis, UMTC
Joe Howe, CC
Justin Schultz, UW
Paul Phillips, DU
Rylan Schwartz, CC
Seth Helgeson, UMTC
#3
Alex Kangas, UMTC
Justin Fontaine, UMD
Rhett Rakhshani, DU
Mike Connolly, UMD
Kevin Clark, UAA
Jake Gardiner, UW
Gabe Guentzel, CC
Aaron Marvin, SCSU
Geoff Irwin, MSUM
David Fischer, UMTC
Jordy Christian, SCSU
Kris Fredheim, CC
Andy Bohmbach, UW
Nils Backstrom, UAA
Kent Patterson, UMTC
Josh Lunden, UAA
#4
Mike Lee, SCSU
Anthony Maiani, DU
Kurt Davis, MSUM
Derek Stepan, UW
Jason Gregoire, UND
Ryan McDonagh, UW
Brett Hextall, UND
Jordan Baker, MTU
Curtis Leinweber, UAA
Mike Cichy, UND
Ben Hanowski, SCSU
Nate Prosser, CC
Jon Olthius, UAA
David Toews, UND
Nicholas Rioux, SCSU
Mario Lamoureaux, UND
#5
Bryce Christianson, UAA
Jordan Schroeder, UMTC
Chay Genoway, UND
Tony Lucia, UMTC
Aaron Ness, UMTC
Mike Hoeffel, UMTC
Kyle Ostrow, DU
Drew Dobson, MTU
John Mitchell, UW
Jordan Fulton, UMD
Stephen Schultz, CC
Sam Lofquist, UMTC
Trevor Hunt, UAA
Ben Grotting, UW
Brad Malone, UND
Jesse Martin, DU
#6
Tyler O’brien, CC
Chris VandeVelde, UND
Ryan Flynn, UMTC
Tyler Ruegsegger, DU
Darcy Zajac, UND
Patrick Johnson, UW
Zach Harrison, MSUM
Brandon Vossberg, DU
Mike Testwuide, CC
Andy Sackrison, MSUM
Corey Fienhage, UND
Channing Boe, MSUM
Derrick Lapoint, UND
Andreas Vlassopoulos, CC
Evan Trupp, UND
Joe Gleason, UND
TEAM COUGARS for the win!
>Film Festival
>
Enough. This isn’t Television Without Pity. Getting on with things, I also watch a lot of movies, and while there aren’t many hockey movies out there (a tragedy!), you can get a comprehensive list here at RWD.
Slap Shot
It’s the best hockey movie ever. I know it’s a narrow field, but still, it’s fabulous. It’s also gloriously vulgar, which I love. It’s funny and gritty and doesn’t have any feel-good crap. It’s just the story of a minor-league hockey team that gains notoriety when they start fighting on ice rather than playing hockey. It’s a good way to get attention, I know. Pretty much every great line in that movie contains at least three words I never use on RWD. Oh, and it stars Paul Newman.
Slap Shot 2: Breaking the Ice
This completely unnecessary movie came out a generation after the first. It stars a third-rate Baldwin brother and I only watched it out of curiosity. The way people gawk at car accidents. Gary Busey is in it, too. The Hanson brothers are still playing for the Chiefs, which is totally unlikely, and Gary Busey is this crazy religious guy who buys the team and makes them the hockey equivalent of the Washington Generals, under the premise that hockey in its current form is not suitable for family entertainment. Well, what the **** do you think I was watching growing up? And I am an evil genius. So take THAT, Gary Busey. I had to look all this up as the movie left no imprint on my brain, other than it sucking.
Miracle
Miracle tells the story of the 1980 U.S. men’s Olympic hockey team. It stars a major hottie/no-name as Jack O’Callahan, the cop from CSI: New York as Jim Craig, and Kurt Russell who almost perfectly channels Herb Brooks. Of course we know Brooks died on I-35 before the movie came out. Great movie. No snide remarks. I saw it in the theater and when UMD was mentioned I cheered audibly. I’m a nerd. P.S. the United States beats Russia. Sorry to give away the ending.
Mystery, Alaska
Definitely a funny movie with some of that all-important vulgarity. The town has a game they play every Saturday and they definitely do not have the “everyone plays” mentality normally present in recreational sports. And if you’re old you can’t play anymore, according to Burt Reynolds. Their little team gets to play a game against the New York Rangers (who evidently didn’t want to be in the movie, so they had actors instead) and they lose. Which is realistic, for once. But there I go again, spoiling the ending.
Youngblood
All I have to say about Youngblood is I think I should become a junior hockey host mother.
The Mighty Ducks
This movie was big big big in my hometown because the kid who played 10-year-old Gordon went to my elementary school. Pacey from Dawson’s Creek is in the movie. Gordon Bombay (Emilio Estevez) missed a goal in a shoot-out as a kid and that immediately made him a social pariah. This is very true-to-life here in Minnesota. We do not mess around about hockey. Anyway, Adult Gordon gets a DUI (he should have played for UND!) and gets sentenced to coach a pee-wee hockey team. That seems like a good idea. Send criminals to be role models for children! And he gets the worst kids too. They even smell bad. We all learned what a triple deke is. But they win in the end against his former coach. Oops! Another spoiler.
D2
I don’t remember a whole lot about this movie other than when Gordon Bombay is hanging out with Kareem Abdul-Jabar and then he’s late for the game and their tutor has to be the coach and then he comes running in with a duck call super late. Also I remember that “Greenland is covered with ice and Iceland is very nice.” I’ll never mix that up.
D3
I haven’t seen this movie, but I don’t really think it has a point. I mean, these kids just won at the Junior Goodwill Games. That’s international competition. Why would they suddenly have trouble getting onto a varsity squad? Even at Breck Eden Valley Academy. Well, maybe because they have no talent.
I didn’t know this but there is a movie about a chimp that plays hockey. The chimp is still taller than Ryan Duncan and smarter than Jase Weslosky. Still waiting for the Air Bud hockey movie.
>Hindsight
>
The team photo is laid out really weird. It’s not all seniors in the front. Probably because there were only 5 seniors (NO ONE FORGET ABOUT MATT KLEIN. He is very nice and funny!) so Stauffacher is kind of jammed in there (probably because he was an assistant captain) and Beau is sitting in the middle flanked by all the coaches. I’ve never seen them do a picture in quite this way before. The coaches are not wearing skates, incidentally. Dan Kronick is in the photo and he looks ugly as ever. Couldn’t he have put a bag over his head, or worn a veil or something?
I did not know Evan Schwabe was majoring in elementary and middle school education. And Tim Hambly was a math major. You all know how I feel about math.
There’s an unintentionally hilarious photo of Park Point, which would be more unintentionally hilarious if it had Junior Lessard in it. (That’s for you, Dirty.) There’s also this advert for an optometrist that has Champ telling a basketball ref that he needs new glasses. I know it’s a basketball ref because Champ is wearing a basketball jersey, and he has a potbelly. It’s like middle-aged Champ.
The “Spotlight” feature is on T.J. Caig. It’s in English, unlike
the last feature I read on ol’ Teej. He likes Trevor Linden, Pop-Tarts, and Kurt Cobain. (I wonder if some of the kids on the current team have even heard of Kurt Cobain. TJ is like 10 years older than some of them.)This was Jamie Russell’s first season as the MTU head coach. They had 2 wins at that point in the season. Ah, good old reliable Tech. But one of those wins was against UMD. Hmm. It wasn’t even a Tech win, it was a regular 2-pointer!
There is a coupon for a free cup of coffee with a gas fill-up at a Holiday Stationstore. It has no expiration date. I’m clipping it now!
The program ends with a column written by ambiguously-named Jess Myers. He talks about the “New DECC” project. Truly a visionary! He wrote “a myriad of” instead of myriad. Argh. I hate that. But he does mention UMD’s raucous road trippers made more noise at Magness than the DU fans. This is unsurprising. It’s like a morgue. Except when that high school kid wanted to fight me. He looked like a woodchuck. He picked the Bulldogs to sweep Tech. And he was right!
I really need to hang on to more of these programs. Ahhh, memories!
Runnin' With the Dogs 