White Christmas
Oh, I hope you all had a wonderful day today, whether you celebrate Christmas or not. Merry Christmas from me, and from the Crandall Brothers Nightclub Act:
There never were such devoted brothers!
Into the Wild
tUMD 5, Seacritters 1
tUMD 2, Seacritters 1
Today’s blog post is brought to you by the wonderful Ben Chorn (@CampBenCh), on-site reporter for the RWD News Network. He braved the cold, the lack of sunlight, and the wildlife of the far north in order to bring us this crackerjack report.
Hello from Alaska! You may notice that I am not RWD… someone decided to be lazy and do calculus instead of something worthwhile like writing a blog or going to UAA to watch a hockey game.
Speaking of hockey, did you hear tDogs WON on a SATURDAY?! What you probably don’t know is that I called it. When deciding what jerseys to wear for my trip to Anchorage, I went with the 90’s “triangle” Bulldog on Friday, and my Jack Connolly jersey on Saturday. Everyone seemed to think we wouldn’t win on Saturday, but I said no- Jack Connolly wouldn’t lose on a Saturday so neither would this team! (Jack Fact- Jack Connolly once shot a puck SO HARD that when it rang off the pipe, it was heard in Anchorage. Jack Connolly, of course, never misses and simply wanted to let Anchorage know the Dogs were coming).
In case you missed it- Dogs won on Friday 5-1 (after I apparently “jinxed” the shutout by mentioning it), and 2-1 Saturday. It is the first sweep of the season, the first win on a Saturday, AND the first time UMD has swept UAA in Anchorage since 1996. It also happened to be my first away game (coincidence? I don’t think so).
The games this weekend were full of ups and downs. Not clearing the puck from in front of the net was nerve-wracking, but this team seemed to fight back and take advantage of some UAA penalties (UAA also had a 5 min major penalty each night). From what I have heard, the Dogs have taken a lot of penalties this season- however they did well killing it tonight. Welinski did a great job AND almost had a shorty (right after I posted on twitter that the Dogs needed to either kill the power play or score a shorty. They opted to kill it.). This series can’t be talked about without talking about Cameranesi- 2 goals on Friday, and 2 assists on Saturday (on the only 2 goals of the night!). This being my first game I have seen all season, I was excited to see the freshmen play. Welinski, Farley, and Cameranesi didn’t disappoint and had a great series. McNeely also did a great job, and played well on a couple nights where the shots weren’t as common as against some other teams. Overall I am excited to see this team next year and these freshmen kids look good.
The one thing I will give UAA is their fans are fairly nice. I still got told to “sit down” and occasionally the glare of “do you know you are in OUR arena?,” but it was a great time. It was also nice knowing I had about 90% of the seats to choose where I wanted to sit since apparently there is something better to do in Anchorage (that or no one wants to see a losing team). They literally were throwing t-shirts that were landing in empty seats. UAA, however, DOES have a “wet” section. I am not sure if I should attribute the success tonight to my Jack Connolly jersey, or the beer I was drinking. Either way, the Dogs came out on top and I will never have to hear the annoying wolf call they play at every possibly moment.
Where do we go from here? Well, UMD gets a break and then heads to Florida to play Maine (on Dec. 28th) and Cornell/Ferris State (Dec. 29th) at the Florida College Hockey Classic. They then face off at home against Michigan Tech January 11th. Let’s hope this momentum can carry until then.
Feel free to give me a follow on Twitter (@CampBench) if you want- however I don’t talk about tDogs that much. If you go on Reddit a lot, please go visit/subscribe to the sub “/r/collegehockey”(http://www.reddit.com/r/collegehockey). We could use more fans (especially Bulldog fans- it’s overrun by goofer and whioux fans).
-Ben Chorn
PS- I will upload most of the photos to my flickr sometime this week (http://www.flickr.com/photos/benchorn/). I don’t usually have photos posted there, but it will most likely be the easiest to share them (I also took 400 pictures so I’ll need to weed out the bad ones).
A few notes:
1. Doing calculus is never lazy.
2. Writing a blog is not worthwhile.
3. I don’t know what Reddit is. It sounds like a frog.
4. He did, indeed, jinx the shutout.
Many thanks for Ben for setting aside some time for this humble* little blog, and for the photos!
*hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
A Vote of Confidence
“First of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert shots into goals.” -Franklin D. Roosevelt
It’s Saturday night. We all know what that means: epic failure. Horrendous meltdowns. Offensive ineptitude. Defensive negligence. Etc. Condescending comments about how we “deserved better” or “should have won” made from the comfort of the winners’ circle. Despair-laden comments about “ugly hockey” and curse words I won’t print here coming from… me.
Really, why? I don’t understand. It’s not like tUMD is running trick plays or something. It’s not a “Spahn and Sain and pray for rain” situation where we can’t play a quality lineup every night. I don’t think they are under any sort of gypsy curse or other miscellaneous hex. So why does Saturday after Saturday end in complete and utter disaster?
I recognize trying to remedy this wretched trend in Anchorage is not an ideal situation. But why not? So tUMD hasn’t swept in Anchorage since before anyone on the team was born, or something horrible like that. There’s a first time for everything. So, Bulldogs, don’t let fear run your lives. Get out there and win a freaking Saturday game.
Surrender, Dorothy
Hello comrades, how are you all doing? Probably not so well, I’ve been neglecting you all of late. As have our dear players.
Bulldogs, we need to talk. Are we going to have to forfeit Saturdays in order to avoid the painful embarrassment of observing the depths of ineptitude that are at times displayed on the ice? Do we need to have a Come To Jesus moment here? Does Hurricane Sandy need to hit the locker room? Do I care that I made back to back tasteless statements? If a blogger posts on teh Intarwebz and no one is there to read it, is anyone surprised?
I mean, we can’t even blame the Teddy Bear Toss this time around. tUMD learned its lesson and did it at intermission. I assume Champ threw a bear underneath the zamboni. It’s really a good thing it wasn’t done at tUMD’s first goal, because most people were probably comfortably asleep in their seats by that point.
I specifically dislike losing to Buttmidji. They are annoying, and play stupid hockey, and they have lucked into much of their “success” of late, and no one cares about D2 titles because D2 does not even exist anymore, you losers, and I am glad tUMD will be in the NCHC soon and will be rid of them. Of course the school will probably go and do something stupid like play them every year because it’s cheap, and then more posts like this will occur. I do not actually like writing posts like this. I mean, sometimes posts about losing are funny, but IT IS NEVER FUNNY TO LOSE TO BUTTMIDJI. NEVER.
Can everyone just, I don’t know, like try or something? Would that be asking a lot? I am not sure at this point. Is it worth giving it a shot? Could we maybe just see? If the whole trying thing doesn’t work, we can certainly go back to not giving a good gosh darn-doodley-arn. I promise.
The Art of Losing
The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.
– Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like a disaster.
Elizabeth Bishop, “One Art”
Well, well, well, Bulldogs fans. Here we are. Losing in overtime. Winless in the conference. We are the hockey equivalent of bloggers, chilling in the WCHA’s mom’s basement. You know when RWD is bringing out the poetry that it’s time to hunker down, squeeze our eyes tightly shut, and dream of better days.
Just jumped on the tUMD train recently? Welcome to real Bulldog fandom. Next stop, Loserville, USA. This is why the No Name fans, the Gopher fans, the BC fans of the world will never, ever appreciate a national championship as much as we do. For them, a tough season is missing the Frozen Four. A really bad stretch is maybe missing the NCAAs a few times. Poor little rich teams. For us, a tough season is 10th place, 12th place, loss after loss after loss. For us, a tough season is playing what allegedly was our best hockey and coming away with one little point, after surrendering leads. If that is our best hockey, hold on to your butts.
I would suggest fleeing the bandwagon now, if you don’t think you have the stomach for losing. Even if the team turns things around this year, there will surely be terrible years ahead. Locusts, plagues, ice rinks turning to blood, etc. Please leave, the rest of us need some leg room. We’ve been here awhile, and we’re going to need to get comfortable.
No Name Stakes
tUMD 4, Generic Hockey Team 4
Well, did we all get our money’s worth, then? I did, of course, because I didn’t go to the game and thus it didn’t cost me anything. Although I did have dinner with my besties and made some excellent guacamole and then completely ruined some hard boiled eggs. No, I do not know how to cook. I had to Google how to hard boil eggs. Won’t be using that recipe again.
Oh, hockey. So no, I’m never comfortable when tUMD plays at No Name Steaks Arena. They just really suck there frequently. It is sometimes unpleasant. But that’s cool, that’s ok, I’ll just freak the heck out for a few hours a day and then breathe into a bag at the end and it’ll be fine, right?
This wasn’t exactly a goaltenders’ duel. That’s ok. The lead changed hands 4 times, starting with Mike Seidel scoring and ending with Drew Olson scoring. SENIOR LEADERSHIP. Senior leadership bookending some freshman superstardom, with Austin Farley’s two hard working goals. The Notorious No-Namers had some scoring in there, too, but who cares? And Crandall, well, he battled and hung in there and fought through some crazy stuff to get that tie. Let’s face it, when you give up a goal because the team can’t clear the puck for, like, two minutes, it really sucks, but the team shouldn’t be putting any goalie in that situation. So, there’s a lot to do defensively, let’s just get that out of the way. Patience. We have to have it. Easier said than done, non?
Ridiculous things happened in the WCHA. 3 of the 4 league games went to overtime, and the fourth, CC vs DU, nearly did. How can this league end? How can we lose the wild, wild Western Collegiate Hockey Association? A goalie got a fighting major. Michigan Tech came back from a 3 goal deficit and won. It was absolutely insane.
I can guarantee you that nearly every player AND most of the coaches are going to come into their games with huge chips on their shoulders. Tomorrow is going to be a complete disaster and I can’t even wait.
Baby Steps
tUMD 2, Communist Cows 3
Bleah, what a crappy game. Pretty much the only good thing was when tUMD showed signs of life in the 1st period and came back from down 2 early to tie it up by the end of the period. The second period I guess they got some good shots on goal. Then so much badness happened with the two major penalties (one a DQ) and zero offense and such.
Personally, I’m not that broken up about it. For two reasons:
1. Retail slavery involves me getting up when it is still dark out.
2. My new friend:
This little guy is my new nephew. He’s 5 days old and already disappointed by the Bulldogs. Tomorrow, he’ll be let down by the Vikings. And the NHL is locked out. And the Twins… horrifying. I question the wisdom of bringing a child into this world under such circumstances. But, life must go on.
Guys, come on. This kid is too innocent and sweet to grow up in a world with game disqualifications and checking from behind penalties and goals given up less than a minute into games. Can you please get it together and muster a win against Captain Gaptooth and the People’s Red Army of Omaha?
Don’t Trust Anyone Over Thirty
tUMD Zippity, Chairman Mao’s Band of Roving Psychopaths 2
Gosh, it must be really hard to play hockey with both hands wrapped around your throat. Truly a textbook choke job by tUMD tonight on offense. Absolutely zero things went right for the Dogs tonight. I knew about halfway through the game there was no way they were getting any goals, and it wasn’t because they ran into a hot goaltender (he did make some stone cold saves in the waning minutes of the game, though), it wasn’t because they were overmatched (Wisconsin was fine, but it wasn’t like the Gophers vs. a bunch of teenagers or something else so over matched…), it was just… bad. I mean, come on. There were a lot of five-car pileups out on the ice, a lot of people falling down, a lot of really stupid passes that went to no one or ended up as a turnover, and a LOT of missed opportunities with guys in the right place at the right time who just couldn’t get the job done.
The highlight of the night game when the kiss cam focused on the Badger bench and one of the coaches grabbed another coach/trainer/something and gave him a big smooch. Loudest cheer of the night!
We need to talk about the refs, though.
This is an actual photo of me at AMSoil Arena tonight. Since today is my birthday and I am 30 and old.
Anyway, forget about the refs deciding the outcome of the game, because let’s face it, tUMD was not going to score on a pee-wee goalie with two peg legs of different lengths defending a soccer net. Let’s talk about player safety here. First, some waste of molecules named… Morgan Zlsdfsaldsjidfn, I don’t even really care what his name was, nearly killed Dan DeLisle (only a minute or so after Biddco, replying to my comment on the ineptness of both tUMD’s offense and the student section, said we needed to be careful or a funeral would break out, so thanks for the jinx Biddy). Mr. Zuskfkdsafgbnv was kicked out of the game, rightly. Then on the major power play ensuing, Cal Decowski was hit in the head with an elbow and nothing was called. A Badger fan was openly cheering this hit, I might add. Then John Ramage slew-footed a Bulldog with seconds left in the game, and got a “contact to the head” two minute penalty after time ran out, which is soooo like him and also so very very pointless because no one serves penalties at the ends of games unless they are DQs. Way to keep the game in control, FUTURE HEAD OF OFFICIALS OF THE NATIONAL COLLEGIATE HOCKEY CONFERENCE. Lord. Excuse me while I go clutch my pearls.
Guys, Saturday night is the birthday game. You know what this means. WIN.
How To Maintain Your Amateur Status
The Red Menace comes to D-town this weekend without Nic Kerdiles (inexplicably pronounced Ker-DEE-less, why?), a freshman superstar-in-the-making who is sitting out a 10 game suspension due to NCAA rule violations.
Nic and the Red Menace maintain he did nothing wrong and that there’s obviously a halo glimmering over his head and he helps old ladies across the street and raises awareness for diseases no one had heard of like breast cancer and he farts rainbows and glitter.
Of course I can see how Nic is completely innocent! I mean, let’s look at the facts!
Here, Nic was simply enjoying some refreshments with a couple of other future NHL superstars, and his agent advisor was simply letting the company and the interwebs know how tasty the drink was! They just all happened to be turning the labels out and random suit guy on the right was just asking someone off-camera to pull his finger. It’s not like people get paid to drink energy drinks or anything!
Here we have Nic with a few of his BFFs, who all happen to be agents or clients of agents! It’s not his fault he happens to have a fabulous rapport with men twice his age, men with horrible tattoos and cheesy v-neck shirts, and Russians who give Blue Steel every time a camera is in their vicinity. Nothing to see here! Except like 5 million pictures of Elvis.
And of course, there’s nothing amiss with all these tweets about Nic from his agent adviser and other employees of the agency family advisery, which bear absolutely no resemblance to the kinds of tweets agents use to promote their paying, professional clients. Remember, Nic is BFFs with all these guys. They totally play badminton together all the time and give each other mani-pedis without anyone saying a word about hockey!
And it was really great when Nic, who is obviously a poor kid from the mean streets of Irvine, CA, without a penny to his name, got stuck somewhere unable to pay his hotel bill, and his agent family adviser swooped down to help out the poor little ragamuffin. Ma and Pa Kerdiles were able to pawn some of their gold teeth to pay the agent family adviser back, thank Parise.
No, none of this could ever be interpreted as NCAA rule violations or anything other than anything other than good, above-board fun between a boy and his badminton team. This is just the big bad NCAA trying to hold the Red Menace back!
Thanks to Andy “Chuck Schwartz” Johnson and Chris “No Former Stupid Alias” Peters for diligently covering this story so I could just rip them off!
A Day Early But Still a Dollar Short
tUMD 1, Racist Mascots 4
Did anyone else wake up on Saturday and have that icky Sunday Morning Coming Down feeling? The whole Thursday-Friday series thing threw off my sense of time, since the rest of my life is somewhat varied in structure from week to week.
And yet, tUMD managed to mimic their 180-degree turnaround they’ve now patented in the first two weeks: kick all kinds of butt on the first night, then melt down Three Mile Island-style the second night. Unfortunate. For the experience and talent we have on defense, there’s no reason for the kinds of breakdowns and turnovers the team had on Friday. Crandall kept the team in the game, but when you let a team more than double you up on shots in one period of hockey, it’s not a good thing for any goalie.
Tony Cameranesi provided a little glimmer of hope as he got his first Bulldog goal, and Austyn Young was very close to getting his first in his debut (he was in for Farley, which was weird since we probably could have used both Farley and Young in the lineup, but I trust that Sandy has his reasons), which would have changed the makeup of the game significantly, but tUMD’s offense was fairly anemic overall. The ice seemed to be tilted towards Notre Dame’s end most of the night. Summerhays must be a real fatty.
The world hasn’t ended, we all know we’ve got some really promising freshmen and sophomores on the team at all positions, as well as some more quality recruits coming in, and we just have to be patient. There’s no reason this team can’t begin to gel (remember, they are a week behind many teams because they did not have an exhibition game) and take off like an SST. Of course, I am the most impatient person in the world so I’m going to have a heck of a time taking my own advice.
See you all this weekend for what I can only assume will be a convincing and commanding sweep of the Red Menace!!
Runnin' With the Dogs 